scuttlebug jamboree

americans are a saudi oil baron's idea of classy. brits are an american's idea of classy. the french are a brit's idea of classy. unfortunately the chain ends here since the french's idea of classy is also the french

Chevrolet should release a line of cars called The Dog Killer

Uncles can actually abandon their nephew and bond with a new one, but this reaps terrible damage upon their mind and body, only done under great duress when the nephews vibe is totally rancid

People in stories who get a dramatic phone call always hop in their cars and go “I’m two hours away. I’ll be there in one hour.” and then they are. It’s always half the time. It’s never, “I’m two hours away. I’ll be there in an hour and fifty minutes.” And sometimes it’s not even life or death! Love interest will be like, “what are we?” and suddenly some subaru is going 150 mph up the median on I-5. Everyone’s gonna fuckin throw tomatoes at me and hiss for my brave, controversial take, but I don’t think you should tokyo drift thru a school zone just so you can eat pussy sixty minutes ahead of schedule.

Also, “I’ll be there in half the time,” no you won’t. People also say this is real life, and i do not believe them. I believe they accomplished this one, have based all their travel estimates around this, are otherwise an absolute dickhead aggressively passing in the right hand lane, AND are probably not even en route to pussy

c'mon, don't you want to be a good girl? it'd feel soooo good to fall to corruption, don't you think? you want that right? to feel each and every part of you indelibly stained by her touch? it's so easy. all you have to do is let her hit you with another 1/1 phyrexian mite. can you be a good girl and declare no blockers for her now?

trying for a child with you for months and the pregnancy test finally comes back positive. we're overjoyed and spend the night celebrating. we go to bed afterwards. you wake up and im gone. ive blocked you on everything. you never see me again. i abort the child and charge it to your debit card. i hate you.

The haters and other dolts have try to cancel me yet they keep coming back like stupid little kittens with there mouth dry, from no milk! Well i will feed your loser ass,because i love you