scuttlebug jamboree

dont come into my house acting like a baby centipede

I Am Always Saying This Sort Of Thing

In the neopussy gasping and gulping and screaming like a beached horse

i never shouldve borrowed money from invincible feral pig mutant brothers

northernlion was reading out a sweet note his daughter wrote him in kindergarten that said "i know my dad loves me because he's my favorite person and i'm his favorite person" and someone commented "circular reasoning"

is high jump kicking peoples dogs punk

no, to punk is to love

I love to high jump kick peoples dogs

won’t a high jump kick miss most dogs? they’re usually kinda low to the ground

americans are a saudi oil baron's idea of classy. brits are an american's idea of classy. the french are a brit's idea of classy. unfortunately the chain ends here since the french's idea of classy is also the french

Chevrolet should release a line of cars called The Dog Killer

Uncles can actually abandon their nephew and bond with a new one, but this reaps terrible damage upon their mind and body, only done under great duress when the nephews vibe is totally rancid

People in stories who get a dramatic phone call always hop in their cars and go “I’m two hours away. I’ll be there in one hour.” and then they are. It’s always half the time. It’s never, “I’m two hours away. I’ll be there in an hour and fifty minutes.” And sometimes it’s not even life or death! Love interest will be like, “what are we?” and suddenly some subaru is going 150 mph up the median on I-5. Everyone’s gonna fuckin throw tomatoes at me and hiss for my brave, controversial take, but I don’t think you should tokyo drift thru a school zone just so you can eat pussy sixty minutes ahead of schedule.

Also, “I’ll be there in half the time,” no you won’t. People also say this is real life, and i do not believe them. I believe they accomplished this one, have based all their travel estimates around this, are otherwise an absolute dickhead aggressively passing in the right hand lane, AND are probably not even en route to pussy