The Waning Hour

The realtor said it was a bit of a "fixer-upper." But I feel quite at home as it is.

Happy Not Halloween! In my mind, everyday is Halloween or Not Halloween. It centers the daily events of my life.

Do you sometimes imagine you were born in the wrong place? That the universe or God made some tragic mistake and you are not where you were meant to be? I feel this way often. Don't mistake me. I greatly appreciate all that I have. I consider myself fortunate for the blessings that circumstances have bestowed upon me. I understand I am in a rare and fortunate position compared to so many. Multitudes that only worry about where the food is going to come from to feed their child tomorrow. So I am grateful for my life. But, at the same time, I feel out of place. Like, this is not where I was meant to be. Is it the result of subconscious or an instinctive understanding? It is a kind of feeling that sometimes makes my dreams feel more real than this existence. Even though my dreams vary with unpredictability—yet there are consistencies of places and themes that feel so familiar. My dreams often feel more "like me." And there have been times, especially the older I become, that I mistake events from my dreams as memories of things that actually happened. And so I think, who am I? Who am I really? Are my dreams the real me and this life is but a uniform? Am I so constrained in this reality that I don't live who I am meant to be? Sometimes I imagine this existence is a kind of shadow that follows me but it is not where I am. No really. It is a curtain or shroud. It obeys constraints that create the illusion of continuity. But this so called "reality"; filled, as it is, with so much misery and strife all around me. It cannot be real. In my dreams, there is such beauty, and yet there is also responsibility; but it is also filled with acceptance, love, and invincibility. These things I don't find here. Reality is a kind of mild nightmare. A nightmare I put behind me each time I fall into dream sleep.

Fiction? So that biography I put in there isn't on topic?