Ellu!

This day was no different. He’d spend the previous night foiling the plan of some woman who held a grudge over the execution of her husband, and he ended up going to bed at nearly sunrise, hardly having enough time to rest his head on his pillow before being woken up by Gaius telling him to help reorganize all his medical supplies. Then he had to go wake up Arthur, where he received a seemingly endless list of chores. He didn’t think he’d ever understand why the clotpole enjoyed torturing him so much. One of those tasks was a speech, which the king expected to be done by the time he turned in for the night. A speech Merlin had fallen asleep halfway through writing.

Whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, Merlin was unsure of. He was glad to have gotten some amount of rest, but the loss of time meant he had to rush to finish the rest of the chores he’d been given. He’d already mucked out the stables and polished Arthur’s armour, so the rest of his duties could all be done in Arthur’s chambers.

Luckily, since everything he had left to do took place in the privacy of the king’s room, Merlin would be able to use his magic to complete them. Arthur was going to be at sparring with the knights for at least the next hour, so he was certain there would be no problem using his magic to ensure everything would be done on time. So, while he sat at the room’s large wooden dinning table finishing the second half of the speech, he also had a mop scrubbing the floor, bedsheets arranging themselves on top of Arthur’s bed, and the dresser doors held open, clothes folding on their own and getting placed neatly on the shelves. That was, until the doors opened unceremoniously and in stepped Arthur.

Merlin could feel his heart stop, and suddenly everything dropped. The mop clattered to the floor, sheets fell into a messy heap on the bed, the laundry half folded now lay in a heap on the floor.

Arthur simply kept walking, moving through the room as though nothing odd had happened.

“Please do finish Merlin, when I ask for things to happen I expect them to be done by the time I retire for the night,” He spoke without breaking stride, moving to set his keyring from his belt and on to his desk.

Merlin waited for the anger he knew would come. For the moment of fear where Arthur would recognize that another person had betrayed him. Had lied to him. He waited for the yell that would alert the guards, for Arthur’s sword to be drawn and his fate sealed. Merlin waited for the anger he knew should come.

Merlin froze, silent. Arthur did too. The only noise left being the slight creak from the swinging of the dresser door before that too came to a halt.

Merlin panicked, standing quickly, prepared to run before Arthur turned, eyes wide, to face him. For a moment they both just stood there, staring at each other. Merlin watched as dread overcame Arthur’s features, but confusion took hold of him as he noticed that this wasn’t fear over what he walked in on, but rather what he said. Fear over his reaction, or more fittingly, his lack of one.

A look of realization arose on Merlin’s face as he finally understood.

“You knew already,” Merlin’s face pales as he continues to stare, fear ebbing just slightly. The prat already knew, and he simply forgot to react. He dropped the quill from his hand as he slowly backed up, still unsure of what Arthur’s knowledge of his power would mean for him.

“Merlin, wait, where are you going,” Arthur moved forward, hand reaching out, concern peeking through his features.

Merlin took a step back for every step Arthur took forward.

“How long,” he choked out, and Arthur looked down to see his hands were shaking. He stopped in his advancements then, recognizing it would do nothing but worry his manservant.

So he chose to take a different approach. Maybe if he acted like nothing was the matter and behaved as he usually would, it would calm him, show him he was safe. Though he supposed that was how they got into their current predicament.

“You’ve been using magic in front of me since we’ve met, I was bound to notice at some point. you don’t seriously think I’m that dense do you Merlin?” He joked, an attempt to lighten the mood, show he wasn’t upset.

A hundred thoughts raced through Merlin’s head. Arthur had known all this time. He’d never told anyone about what he knew. Arthur could have sent to the pyre. He hadn’t though. Arthur was aware of all the things he’d done to save his life. Arthur still made the choice to hide it. To hide this knowledge even from Merlin himself. He knew what horrible lengths Merlin had gone to. The atrocities committed on the name of protection, of fulfilling his destiny. The betrayals. He knew it all.

Merlin didn’t know what exactly how to label his feelings as of that moment. On one hand, he was thrilled. Arthur didn’t seem upset with him in the slightest, despite all the lies he’d told. He didn’t think of it as a betrayal, or a reason to question his loyalty. If anything, he didn’t think he’d ever seen the king more sure of it. In that regard, Merlin felt he could burst, the feeling of acceptance swelling through him, filling him with confidence even in such a nerve wracking situation.

On the other, he couldn’t help but feel scared. He’d seen the power a king could hold over a servants life often during Uther’s reign. The man had raised his son in a way that was far from excepting of people like Merlin. All it would take would be one call for the guards after luring him into a false sense of security and he would be unable to escape without committing yet another act of violence.

But he wanted to trust Arthur. He’d always trusted Arthur. To do differently now would go against what every cell in his body was telling him to do. To step closer. Joke back. Do a spell. To show him all of the beautiful things he’d so desperately wanted to show him before but couldn’t. To let Arthur into the last part of himself he tried so carefully to guard. To be vulnerable, without judgement over consequences, or the strict morality of his actions, just an understanding of what it felt like to do all you could to keep those you care about safe.

he’d been risking his life for Arthur since the day they’d met. He didn’t see the point in changing that now.

“Well I don’t know, you are very dense. Usually I have to spell things out for you before it finally sinks into your thick skull. Must be from getting bashed on the head so often.” Merlin took a shaky breath, watching Arthur’s shoulders drop, his face turning from fear to more of a look of concern. He’s worried for you, not because of you, Merlin tried to remind himself, reaching his fingers out to grab at the cuffs of his sleeves. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Arthur opened his mouth before shutting it again. He stepped forward, and kept moving until he was only a few paces away from Merlin. Both men stayed there, standing despite the table and seats beside them, looking torn. Both seemed hurt, not by each other, but by the world around them. They had been hurt by their friends, people they thought they could trust, manipulated by those claiming to advise them.

“I couldn’t,” Arthur’s voice was pained, breaking half way through the word. “I didn’t want to believe it at first. It was… childish of me, but I thought that if I didn’t mention it, it wouldn’t be true. I was angry and felt as though I had been lied to again, that you might be just another person who wanted to get back at my father.”

Merlin couldn’t help but step closer. Uther never truly seemed to put the time into considering how his actions would affect his son. How his behaviour and decisions would harm him. Getting stuck in this even though it was his father’s fault, his father’s decisions that led to these people getting hurt.

“But you didn’t. You were honourable, brave even, though it pains me to admit. You didn’t use it for your own gain, it didn’t seem to be corrupting you. So I couldn’t mention it. Mentioning it would mean telling my father, or being guilty of treason. He would not have forgiven me for that, even if I was his son, he wouldn’t listen even if I begged him,” Arthur laughed then, a sad hopeless laugh.

Merlin hadn’t had a father, aside from that brief period of time where they had met before his passing, but he had always been able to tell the delicate bond between Arthur and his father was fragile enough to not be able to withstand much conflict. Uther was a man who enjoyed his control, and had no tolerance for those who chose not to submit and obey. It was well known around the castle that even his own son was not exempt from this. A person who was insubordinate was a person who needed to be beat into shape, one way or another.

“I never wanted you to feel like you had to choose,” Merlin interjected before he could stop himself, seeing the undisguised anguish on Arthur’s face. He’d always taken his duty as prince seriously, placing it in front of everything, even his own life multiple times. His duty to his people, but also to his father. It was expected that Arthur would follow with every order given, regardless of how much it would pain him to go through with. “It was dangerous to let anyone know, but I wanted to tell you so badly. There were so many times where I wanted to tell you. I hated it, being forced to keep it a secret, but I had to.”

“I understand Merlin, but… why did you start practicing it? When?” Arthur, now somewhat recovered from his previous state, took another step forward, slowly lifting his arm to put a gentle hand on Merlin’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “You live in Camelot, it’s not safe for you to do that here. So why would you begin practicing magic knowing you could be executed if you made even one mistake?”

Merlin felt the weight of Arthur’s hand. The feeling of it bringing solace despite the uncomfortableness of himself being weighed down. Part of him wished it would lighten, if you’d of asked years ago he would have lamented about the hand being there at all, though now he knew he would not trade the warmth of it for any other thing the world could offer. He’d chosen this. Despite everything, he’d always choose this.

“Because it is my destiny. I was born with magic, with the fate to protect you. I was born this way, to serve you. And I will be glad to until the day we both die.” If Merlin was certain about one thing, it was that he truly would serve Arthur until his dying breath.

Merlin stared into his king’s eyes, noting the appreciation in them, the concern, the affection. Arthur held his gaze a moment longer, then cleared his throat, moving to glance at the table, allowing his hand to drop back down to his side.

“Thank you,” Arthur croaked, clearing his throat for the second time. “You are a loyal man Merlin, and I am glad to have you by my side.”

As they stood there, a calm peace between them, Merlin nodded his head, then turned to pick up the quill he’d dropped earlier. He had a speech to finish.

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