feel it still

DARCY: can we go out tonight?

DARCY: i'm going stir crazy

DARCY: i don't even care where as long as it's not my condo

ELENA: hell yeah, we can. i need a distraction, too.

ELENA: i wish dog cafes existed. that'd probably be my first suggestion, not to mention it'd be good publicity.

       ‘  YOU HAVE NO IDEA.  ’     the countless times that chloe had brought up her sobriety to her past suitors   & then lost it shortly after plagued her.    she hated herself for being so incapable of handling relationships.   then again,   she was a lot farther into her sober life now.   maybe this could be different.    ‘ thank you.  ’    she spoke sincerely, as she let her fingers entangle themselves with elenas,   resisting the urge to kiss her right there and then.   ‘ i don’t mind.’  she shook her head,   a coy smile spread across her face.

she let go of the others fingers as she pushed open the door slightly,   and invitation for her to enter as they continued to speak in the doorway.   ‘  that’s okay.  i can think of worse character traits. ’    in fact,   listing those of her previous girlfriends would suffice.   as elena took her hair down,   chloe nervously fiddled with her own dark locks.   despite it being a cliche,  it was a nervous reaction.    why wouldn’t she be nervous?    elena was beautiful  &  talented.   out of her league.  ‘  yelling at the tv,   for sure.  ’   she smiled,   taking a step in to the apartment and gesturing for the other to follow,    ‘ i’ve never been that big a fan of sports.    i can  BARELY tell the difference between the superbowl  &  super mario. ’

“truth time?  neither have i.  whenever my dad would watch the super bowl, i’d hide in the corner of the family room with, like, a script or a coloring book and just zone out.”  elena admitted, absently letting her fingers graze against chloe’s palm.  chloe was beautiful, and it kind of made elena sad to know that she didn’t know the whole story, didn’t know about the monsters that lingered.  but then again, she was more than willing to stick by chloe and fall head over heels for her (even if the latter happened further down the line).  

       LEANING AGAINST   the wooden door frame,   chloe let her face relax.   her hands slipped up from her sleeves as she folded her arms.   if only to allow the girl to think she was fine.   the idea of elena having this on her concious was ridiculous to chloe.   there was only one person to blame for her problems:   herself.   ‘  honestly,   i think that’s the only reason i was there — you weren’t the only person trying to impress someone.  ’   she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.  it had been so long since chloe had felt this way that her usual nervous ticks were out in full force.   ‘ it’s just …  hello my name’s chloe & i’m an alcoholic    isn’t much of an icebreaker.  ’  truthfully she didn’t want to push the girl away.   

       ‘ no,  it makes you normal. ’   one thing chloe didn’t consider herself.   the fun little poke that elena had at the infamous remark make chloe feel awkward.   she was no stranger to such excuses.   at that moment as she stood just inches away from elena,   chloe wanted to hold her too.   she wanted to invite her inside.   to spend time with her.    ‘ i must’ve done something right then. ’    although she wasn’t sure when,   in between nervously flirting & freaking out,  that would’ve been.   ‘ … did you want to come in?  —  i mean,   you came all this way to apologise for something that wasn’t your fault so,   if you wanted to… ’  she trailed off,   looking back at the inside of her apartment nervously.

“well--yeah, i suppose it’s probably awkward.”  elena nodded sympathetically, stepping forward.  ever so slowly, she reached out and took chloe’s hand.  “i promise, if at any point you’re not comfortable with any of this, say the word and i’ll back off.”  her big, chocolate brown eyes peered curiously into chloe’s own eyes, trying to gauge some type of reaction.  “but for right now...” elena paused, as if to pretend to mull over chloe’s invitation (really, though, she was ready to accept before the whole sentence got out) before giving chloe’s hand a light squeeze.  “yeah.  if you don’t mind.”

IT WAS RIGHT THERE…  chloe’s  hands were covered by her sweater sleeves, long  & shredded from hours of chewing on the frail ends.  exactly what she was doing in that moment,  as she looked down at the sealed bottle of tequila.   her intentions had never been to buy it.  after the night out with elena though,  she found herself drawn to it.  she only went in the grocery store to get groceries.  or did she?   because she didn’t leave with anything other that the glass bottle in front of her. she reached forward placing her hands around the glass, nails tapping the surface. the sound of her nails then drowned out by a knocking.

‘ just a second! ’ she called out, frantically falling in to her old routine.  her hands grips the bottle,  her feet took her to the sink. she unscrewed the cap  & froze.  she couldn’t physically do it.  because what if she needed it later. a breath escaped her lips as she put her sweater sleeve to her mouth again.  then she placed the bottle by the side of the sink.  as she did,  a drop fell on her index finger. she held it to her lips before tensing her fist. once again,  she let out a breath,  shaky and panicked. before she knew it,  she was hiding the tequila bottle in between the sugar & coffee. old habits die hard.  ‘ coming. ’ she approached the door, swinging it open.   as their eyes met,  chloe couldn’t hide the small smile on her lips.  as quickly as it appeared,  it vanished.  despite elena’s words being rushed,  chloe listened closely to every single one of them.  ‘ thank you … you didn’t need to come all this way though. ’   chloe appreciated the gesture though.  and she couldn’t deny that she liked the girl,   ‘ or defend yourself. you didn’t know.  you don’t need to feel guilty. ’

elena was nothing if not attentive.  she’d seen a few of her cousins inebriated at various quinceaneras over the years.  despite her attention to detail, she was also not one to judge.  still, her face fell the slightest bit as her brain rushed to form words.  “right--no.  yeah, i know, of course.  i just...didn’t want you to think i was being a dick or something.  because...i--i mean, we clicked, you know?  something...happened, and i don’t know where or when but--and i was just working so hard to impress you that i didn’t even consider...”  her hands flopped at her sides, as if to indicate that she was more exasperated with herself than anything.  chloe had to know by now that elena really did like her, and by no means was she one for mothering the crap out of people she cared about...but this felt different.

KATRINA had spent all morning trying to convince someone to come with her up to the hollywood sign. it had taken longer than anticipated, and now that she’d gotten out there, she found that the time they’d spent together getting up there was overwhelmingly awkward. by the time they made it to their destination, she’d had enough. “maybe we should start with, you know, making out and see where it goes from there,” the blonde shrugged, trying to break the ice the only way she knew how.  “i mean, i wouldn’t have invited you up here if i didn’t think you were cute, but damn, i didn’t expect you to be this boring.”

elena had rehearsed her apology countless times--but in her defense, she really hadn’t known much of chloe’s difficulty with alcohol addiction. the worst part was that she had even put it on the table, endangering the other woman’s sobriety.  she liked to think she was better than just a whirlwind of assumptions.  elena really liked chloe, and she hadn’t wanted her stupidity to mess up whatever was going on between them.  she wasn’t quite sure what they could even be defined as, and of course she was doing her best not to overstep, seeing as she already had done so. raising her hand th the door, elena knocked twice, shifting her weight between her feet.

her hair was tied back in a loose fishtail braid, although the los angeles heat had managed to make said braid look messy, her face aglow with the thinnest sheen of sweat--although, she might add, she actually didn’t smell terrible, managing to spritz on some perfume before dashing out of her car.  when the door swung open, elena’s breath hitched.  she very rarely got nervous, but there was a first time for everything, she supposed.  “i owe you an apology.”  she murmured, and it was then that her entire speech vanished from her brain. “i--i, um, i messed up.  and i know we never really talked about it? but i do feel bad about assuming and i hope...i really, really hope you know how sorry i am, and that i’d never judge you.”  her big brown eyes locked onto chloe’s, and suddenly, it was like elena forgot her words all over again.  “where are cue cards when you need ‘em, right?”  she joked, clearing her throat and trying to tear her gaze away.

“I’d probably donate it to a charity.  Ooh, or sneak into a restaurant and buy a round of drinks for a group. I’d for sure feel weird about keeping it.”

“For crying out loud, fine what do you- Unf!” Sam started, her sentence cut off as the other tumbled into her. Her usual look of tired ambivalence was replaced with one of unamused discontent. As she reached down to help her up she rollled her eyes. Apparently it was impossible to get five minutes of peace and quiet at the studio. Despite her best efforts she had to let out a brief chuckle at the last sentence though. “You’re a ridicullous human being, you know that?” she asked, tone deadpan.

“Yes, yes I do know that.  I had a lot of energy as a kid.  I’m glad to know it’s carried over well.  Aged, even, like fine wine.”  Elena cracked a small smile, scrambling to a somewhat presentable seated position.  “Sorry, Sam.  What’d I interrupt, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Her gaze follows the sunglasses more than it does the other woman, and Riley barely holds back a small amused snort, one hand going to the top of Elena’s head. “One, I’m pretty sure my mom went to one or two of those; and two, that’s why it’s always good to separate us from our hero counterparts. They can do pretty much whatever they want with nary a scratch on them, but us? Not quite so blessed.” She smiled, then, hoping her unoffensive tone had carried through, and gently petted the other actress’ hair. “Does this mean you’d rather I went out and got you lunch rather than trekking all the way to services for something?”

king: normally i wouldn't ask but i've been up for 36 hours and idt i can make it by myself lmao

elena: pl ease i'm literally in the same boat.