Company Update
Sorry for the delay, Gladys got into some of the new "Pre-workout" formula we've been developing and long story short: we're going to need a huge hiring push in both the Secretarial and Janitorial pools. I personally have never seen so much blood, but many members of the board have assured me that they have and I find that comforting.
Some quick bullet points for today's newsletter:
- There are no longer 2 wolves inside of you. Due to various market factors and the realities of Wolf allocation, some of you currently only have 1.5 wolves inside of you. This is to account for the fact that many of you have anywhere between 4-6 wolves inside of you at any given moment.
- We have received your feedback regarding the Key Cards, and will be returning to the color-coded system as requested.
- Okay but one last thing about the wolves though: I don't think you all realize this, but those wolves are getting paid a consulting fee. We're losing thousands of dollars a day just paying wolves, many of whom are then turning around and being fed by you.
- It's a nightmare for HR, specifically Payroll.
- You probably don't realize this, but this is eating into the budgets of most departments. Nearly every instance of corner-cutting over the past three quarters has been the result of how much we are having to pay these wolves.
- Also some of you are going to have to let some wolves go. Straight up, a lot of you simply do not need that many wolves. Four to six wolves per person on average? Crazy work. Diabolical.
- You work in Market Research, Grant. You do not need there to be 6 wolves inside, you need to learn to prioritize.
- If we could all just maybe cool it with the wolves that would really help out a lot.






















