âI can handle more,â she responded quickly, fervently, in the hopes it would get through his head. âWhat about you?â Cece asked, a touch quieter this time, gentler. Jake had always been one to never complain about the weight of the worries plaguing him at any given point in his life, but she knew better than anyone that it didnât mean it was easy. He would shoulder it, light or heavy, no matter what, it didnât make a difference to him. But she feared at one point or another it was going to break him. Ever since sheâd met him sheâd been trying her best to make him understand that there were people in the world who would want to help carry those burdens with him, especially her, but heâd been through so much up until now that it was hard to unlearn how alone he felt he was. âDonât be sorry, itâs not about that,â Cece whispered, shaking her head slightly, biting her lip as she tried to think of the right answer. âI just⌠I wish you would think about yourself every now and then, Jake.â When she looked back up at him, she tried to find the truth in his words, in Iâm fine, but she wasnât sure where the line was. She knew that in this moment he had probably convinced himself that he was in fact fine, but she couldnât tell how deep that mask really ran. All she wanted was for him to be honest, but she didnât want to question his trust, or let him know right now that she doubted it. âIâm sorry I found out today. I would have held it in for a day if I could but I just⌠the thought of itâŚâ Her voice trailed off, not wanting to let him hear it waver, and stubbornly turned for just a moment to quickly wipe an annoying tear away. âYou mean too much to me.â
âit wasnât about me,â he answers, eyebrows knit together in confusion. it wasnât him who had to watch his friend die, who had to fight off a monster before it could cause more harm, who then had to let her friend die to keep the normalcy of the timeline. âi just didnât want you to hurt more,â comes the soft answer, not trying to argue, but wanting to justify not telling her. i wish you would think about yourself, she says, but if he did that, maybe he would have told her how he felt about her ages ago, before ezra had even been in the picture, before he knew for sure she didnât feel that way about him. and then heâd be without his biggest support system. just like if he had saddled her with his death, on top of all she had experienced just before that on her own. he couldnât cope with the guilt of that. it wouldnât be worth it. especially when he really had convinced himself that he was fine, that he didnât need to talk about it. âi did,â he assures her, like a liar. âand i decided i was fine enough to not burden my friend, who was already hurting, with that information when i didnât need her support then.â itâs said gently, and he reaches to give her hand a squeeze, concerned she was going to cry more, and he wasnât the best with tears. her admission that he meant too much nearly split his resolve, and he could feel tears of his own well up that he blinked away stubbornly, annoyed, but stepping forward to pull her into a hug all the same. âi know. donât be sorry.â it was exactly why he had kept it to himself to begin with, but there was nothing she could do about having been told today. he shouldâve known better than to assume dia wouldnât, and told her before. ânext time i die, youâll be the first person i tell.â