EMC.

It's currently raining hard outside and along with each droplet of rain, I start getting lost in my own thoughts... 

I start to think about dreams... dreams I once had, dreams I have and dreams I am yet to dream of. 

Since I was very young I dreamt of being a dentist. I was good with my hands, meticulous when it came to details, and I wanted to make people look beautiful. On top of the fact that I had to endure the most painful process when I had my braces and wanted to change that experience for others out there. 

Needless to say, that was a dream I had.

I am now living another dream which I chased for years on end to get, in a completely different industry. But, for some reason, once I achieved this dream I felt empty inside. 

All I want to do right now is to escape to a tropical island, become a freelance writer, and write about anything and everything that comes to mind.

Funny isn't it... how you can be so sure about your dream, of what you want and who you want to be. Yet once you get there, once you finally taste the caviar, you decide that it might not be right for you.

I have always been a big believer in following your heart but listening to your gut. And I also believe that once you have found that dream job, you will know. Because that's when both your heart and gut will be aligned, and you will feel that sense of pride, or that little leap of joy deep down in your stomach that says "Yes, you've made it!" 

I am also a big believer in trying, failing, and trying again. Because unless you try, you will never know. And you will always be left wondering "What if?" Although at times I do think about what my life would be like if I chased harder on my dream in becoming a dentist, I have no regrets. 

Because life is too short for regrets. There is no such thing as making a wrong turn in life, or making mistakes or failing. There are only opportunities and how you choose to grasp them. 

The other day my colleague showed me a picture her 5-yr old daughter had drawn of her. The picture depicted a ginger-haired woman with large alien eyes, who had lips bigger than her nose and the largest earlobes. Needless to say, this was not what my colleague looked like. But it did get me thinking, about children and their perception of the world.

When we were once children, our imagination had no limits, we enjoyed being creative and saw a completely different world to the one we see now. The world we saw was more abstract, less concrete and less defined by lines. In fact, we didn't care if we drew over the lines, and to us, that was what ‘perfection’ meant.

Slowly, as we get older, we are taught certain ‘concepts’. We are taught that things can be ‘wrong’ and ‘right’ and there are ‘rules’ we must follow in life. In a way, these rules become the lines which dictate the drawings of our lives and we have to always, always stay within the lines, never to cross it. If we crossed, that would mean taking a risk, and we are told risks carried consequences (usually negative consequences).

What I am talking about here is real life development. If you look at children’s art versus adult art, you will see, that compared to children’s art, adult art is drawn with more caution. Each line, each stroke of the brush is placed with care, and with purpose. Hardly any lines on adult art are drawn without reason. It is more planned, stilted, and structured than children’s art. And this is the reason why adults suffer more than children, why as we grow older our lives become more complicated and we feel more aggression, depression, and worry.

You see, it’s really just a simple world. Everything is how you see it. There are no rights and wrongs. However, as we grow older, we start giving meaning to certain things, and we start to develop feelings as to how people perceive our individuality; how people perceive our own life drawings. We start to develop fears of rejection and failure, and as a result, we try to give structure to our lives by surrounding ourselves with an invisible line; a boundary, which we are afraid of crossing.  

We look at children’s art and we can laugh at the fact that the thumb is the longest finger on a hand, and we can laugh that the torso is in a circular shape, and we can laugh that the feet is bigger than the body. We can laugh, but in reality, we are the biggest fools, because we have failed to see what these children see, and what they see is the real world.

Fashion- be it a piece of clothing, a designer shoe, or a unique style, is a way of self expression. It is an individual voice, a way of saying - This is who I am and I am proud of it. 

Fashion, is not a means of obsession; it does not, and should not define one's self. It should not be seen as a means of competition, or of starving one's self just to fit into a piece of clothing that will go out of season. Or, and the most dangerous or of all, fashion should not be used to satisfy our happiness. 

As Coco Chanel once said: "The best things in life are free. The second best are very expensive."

For those of you who haven’t watched this video, or haven’t yet discovered the TED website, I suggest you do so. 

http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html

Sherry Turkle describes perfectly what technology has done for humans and how it has affected us. Don’t get me wrong, I think the advancement in technology has brought many benefits into our lives, and I cannot imagine my life without it. However, I think it’s crucial to recognise that instead of using technology to aid our lives, we have become reliant on it, which poses a big problem.

Take Tumblr for example; it is a great site for people wanting to connect with others, wanting to share their ideas, their thoughts, their voices. It can be seen as an outlet, a means for people to escape their reality; a place for people to connect with others who they’ve never met and fall in love with each other’s words, a place where people can relive their lives through another individual’s eyes and see what they see, a place for people to feel wanted, loved, treasured, praised, important.

However, whilst this may seem healthy enough, it can actually be quite dangerous, especially when you become addicted to your cyberspace alter ego. 

If you look at all forms of social media today, we have complete control over what we post, who sees our post, who we are friends with, and who we don’t want to be friends with. All in all, WE are the sole determinator of our lives on the internet. And it is for this reason, that I argue why we are now more alone than ever. 

Yes, you may have over 1,000 friends on Facebook, or over 500 likes on Instagram, but think about it, how many of those people are your actual friends? And I don’t mean friends that just comment on your photo telling you how much they love your purchase. I mean friends that give a shit, about who you are and where you are headed in life. I dare to say the Obama might not even have 500 of those friends.

So then What? you ask. Do you just forget about technology and go out there to explore the cruel harsh reality in which we call the world? 

The answer is no, you do not. Technology is to be used as a tool for sharing information with others, to help them learn and grow, and in the process, learn and grow ourselves. It is there to challenge us, inspire us, and help us become better people. It is to be used as a guidance in shaping who we want to become, by learning from some of the greatest role models. But, it is NOT a replacement for who we are, or who we can become. 

I haven’t written for a while because I decided to take myself away from the world of cyberspace and really… live my life, you know, the one in the real world. 

I decided to do this for two reasons; one, because I didn’t feel inspired to write any content and two, i realised the amount of time I was spending on social media compared to the amount of time I actually spent socialising with those around me. 

So, with a deep breath, I cut off all social media. And what did I learn? That I had an addiction.

I don’t think I’m the only one feeling this way but at the start of my ‘social media detox’ I felt very lonely. I felt like I was disconnecting myself way from my friends. By the end of the first day, I was convinced that I was going back onto social media and going back to being ‘connected’. However, I conjured up enough courage to stay strong and continue on. By the end of the second day, things had gotten a lot better. I felt like I could see more clearly, I heard every sound of birds, of the wind, of the cars driving by, and I could smell every scent that travelled past me. Why is it that all of a sudden my senses and awareness had come to life?

And then it hit me - I had been living in another world, a world different to the one on earth. I had been consumed by technology, and forgotten what the actual world looks, smells and feels like. Or rather, I was too busy focusing on what was happening in cyberspace that I did not even care what was actually happening around me, in real time. 

It’s funny isn’t it, I watch the amount of people get on public transport and as soon as they sit down, they immediately bring out their phones and start browsing, aimlessly… as if they are searching for something. No conversations take place whatsoever because people ‘appear’ to be too busy; too busy instant messaging, checking the weather, checking Facebook messages, checking Instagram, checking emails…. too busy checking in on their ‘other’ lives that they forget to participate in their real one.

What happened to real conversations? What happened to real human interactions?

Dear you who’s out there looking for love,

Today I came across a dating website which had a whole lot of advice for women; women who were desperately trying to understand men, women who wished to have men ‘figured out’ by the end of a few articles.

And I know there are similar advice out there for men, but just bear with me for a second.

The creator of this website seemed legit enough, he characterised himself as having dated and slept with many women, and his intention was to help lost women in their search for love; real, time-consuming, can’t do without you love.

As I read through some of these articles, I couldn’t help but agree with many of the things he said; men are hunters, men crave sex; if a man isn’t consistent in pursuing you, then he’s probably not interested (but he won’t tell you that upfront). Whilst all of these seem logical, I couldn’t help but read some of the questions from the women. The website was inundated with questions and responses from women such as- ‘Why does he take forever to reply my texts?’, ‘What does it mean if he asked for my number but still hasn’t called me? It’s been 3 days!’, ‘How long should I wait for him to commit to me?’, etc etc. You get the gist.

As I watched these questions spread across the website as if an infectious plague had just occurred, I couldn’t help but wonder- Have we really lost the ability to make our own decisions? Have we come to a stage where we need confirmation, affirmation and reassurance from some ‘love guru’ who lives a thousand miles from us? Are we that afraid of making our own mistakes when it comes to love?

Hey, I think it’s perfectly natural for both men and women to seek dating advice, trust me, I’ve seen it and the dating scene is a bloody war zone. But, but- What happened to making our own mistakes and creating our own miracles? What happened to writing our own life stories?

By reading all these so-called ‘insights’, are we missing out on learning real life lessons all because we are afraid to have our egos bruised? I mean, that’s the point of this whole dating advice thing right? Because we don’t want to ‘lose’ to the opposite sex, because we don’t want broken hearts and bruised egos.

Musician David Brubeck said- “There’s a way of playing safe, there’s a way of using tricks and there’s the way I like to play which is dangerously where you’re going to take a chance on making mistakes in order to create something you haven’t created before.”

Amen, Mr. Brubeck.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that you shouldn’t read these dating advice. For it is your life and I have no say in it. But, what I am saying is that sometimes when it comes to dating, rather than reading between the lines, you should write the lines. For it is- your life. Determine what you want and what is acceptable to you. Don’t put up with what you don’t deserve and always, always know your worth.

That’s it. Simple. Now I am sure you didn’t need me to tell you that did you? For you knew this within yourself all along.

With love,

inamorati10 replied to your post: Leave a little mystery… and have faith that fate will take care of the rest

Great post. I totally agree that a little mystery is vital in relationships. Your post reminded me of a Rilke quote on marriage. You might have heard it before. I just posted it on my blog.

Often, we feel that by sharing information with others, and exposing ourselves, we are connecting with them on a deeper level. Whilst this is true, I contest that when it comes to relationships, it does the opposite. In every relationship, we must always leave a little bit of mystery. Otherwise, what more is there to fight for?

Over the weekend I went out for drinks with my friends, met a man and I was immediately drawn to him. We flirted, had a couple of drinks, and enjoyed each other’s company. When I went to leave, he said to me “So how do we do this… do I get your email, or… your number?” He was cheeky, exactly my type. However, rather than accepting his phone to punch in my number, I decided for the first time to take a chance and leave a little mystery. So I gave him my name.

With the advancement of technology these days, it's very easy to search for somebody on the internet. Unless you have chosen to be private, in which case, you should stop reading here.

After giving him my name and only my name, I departed. With a little bit of excitement and a little bit of faith, I left the rest to fate. I think that’s one of the biggest lessons we have to learn as human beings, to leave some things to chance, and not feel the need to control everything. After all, what is the rush? I mean, that is the excitement and fun of dating right?

To venture out into the unknown.

So, I waited. One day. Two days. By the end of the third day I was starting to wonder whether I had made the right decision. ‘I should have just given him my number’ I thought to myself.  But then, a voice within reminded me of the desire for all humans to engage in the ‘chase’. If this man wanted me enough, he will find a way to contact me. If he doesn't,  then, so be it. So with one big gulp, I swallowed my insecurities.

I think a lot of us rush into dating, into relationships, and into falling in love. We give too much of ourselves away too quickly, and not enough space for others to miss us. We do this because we are afraid that by not speaking and acting, the other person will forget about us. We fail to realize that our presence alone is enough of an impact, and that our beauty, intelligence, and character is enough to leave a long lasting impression. Basically, we are all a little insecure and we would rather receive confirmation than leave things to chance.  

It’s like that dream we've all had where we are falling… falling so deep that all we want to do is wake up. But I say let yourself go, and just fall… and have faith that you will be alright.

I think one of the main reasons why women offer themselves up for sex is because we feel that is the one thing which delegates power to us, over men. And we are hopeful that after stripping away all our clothes, leaving nothing but our bare selves, men will see what is truly beautiful; our sense of humour, our intelligence, our ability to care and love.