blood & gold

miscellaneous angst starters.

when were you going to tell me?

you can’t keep doing this to yourself.

that’s…a lot of blood.

can you walk?

please don’t lie to me.

i’m not going anywhere without you.

shh, it’s okay. it was just a dream.

there was nothing more you could have done.

you have to stay awake.

i wish i could take the pain away.

you could have died!

hey – stay with me.

i’m sorry. i can’t do this anymore.

things won’t always hurt this bad.

how much have you had?

i’m okay. it’s all fine.

it’s not okay! you’re not fine!

let me get you something for the pain.

it’s nothing. it’s just a bruise.

it’s clearly not nothing.

have you been to the doctor?

i didn’t mean the things i said.

people who are okay don’t act like this.

you don’t have to go through this by yourself.

i don’t want you to be alone.

i heard you crying.

you need to get some rest.

i’m worried about you.

did you have another nightmare?

[name], there’s nobody there.

why are you mad at me?

did you do this to yourself?

it’s breaking my heart to see you like this.

tell me what’s wrong.

tell me how to make it better.

get the hell away from me.

please don’t do this.

i can’t believe that you lied to me.

you obviously can’t be trusted to take care of yourself, so let me do it for you.

hold my hand if you need to.

why do you have a gun?

you’ve been crying, i can tell.

you should have told me sooner.

i wanted to tell you in person.

     What changed? Edward was starting to realize how much of a time-gap there was between his visits to see Winry. He’d been at constant odds with Pride every time they saw one another. It was a competition, it was a power-fight, it was hatred and borderline cruelty that seeped from the homunculus at the mere mention of Edward’s name. He certainly didn’t forget the words spat from the artificial man or the battles exchanged between them. As time went on, ‘Pride’ had gotten awfully… soft. Breakable. He reminded Ed of a trained dog, like a golden retriever that no longer held any bite.

     Watching him as he posed the question after one of Edward’s very typical rude remarks, a scowl and a hint of annoyance brushed onto his lips. He almost preferred the toxic aura between them, because now Edward just felt awkward and out of place most of the time… and he was the “original” as he was once referred to as. How ironic is that?

     “…” The feeling that washed over him was a mix of confusion and guilt. He knew that Pride wasn’t going anywhere as long as Winry had a say over it. The homunculus had proven countless times that he wasn’t there to do his childhood best friend any harm. He just didn’t get it. How could Winry fall in love with something in his image, something entirely helpless that was made under completely malicious circumstances? His eyes closed as he breathed in a deep sigh, waving his automail hand nonchalantly as he turned to leave. “Whatever… I’m going.” 

Ed, being a winter baby, was born in December, landing his alignment in Sagittarius.

I chose Edward’s sign to be Sagittarius for a lot of reasons. The first one is self explanatory: it is a fire sign, and we all know Edward has been ruled by fire since he was a kid. 

Any basic description you come across for this sign tells you it is ruled by knowledge and exploration. When Trisha was alive and well, Edward had always been an optimistic and adventurous child. He and Al explored, became interested in alchemy to the point where they couldn’t get enough of it, and it’s known as an extroverted sign which Edward showed many, many signs of in his early years. He was not shy, he was always blunt, he was smart and inclined to do what he wanted to do. The baseline reading of a Sagittarius pretty much nails a young, naive Edward Elric.

One thing that is very important in understanding Edward and my choice for this starsign is that he is incredibly damaged and broken from the death of his mother, seeing the Truth, and living with the guilt of the taboo he committed. It changed him immensely and scarred his original good-nature, but a Sagittarius can adapt to situations which is exactly what Ed forced himself to do. There are a lot of things that say the Sagittarius are positive optimists, which Edward isn’t always in a lot of situations—except for where it really counts. At the core heart of things, he never gave up the idea of getting Al’s body back, now did he? Not even after everything possible getting in his way to do so. Edward shows his optimism selectively; there are many facets to his personality and his trauma that expand outside this sign, but the Archer is that beginning pathway to someone who is entirely four-dimensional. 

Before the brothers attempted human transmutation, it was Edward that optimistically suggested and committed to bringing their mother back to life. There was no stopping him in completing this task, he and Al going so far as to commit to rough alchemy training and reading quite literally everything they could get their hands on to do this task. All the major points of this sign, Edward hits at some point in the series, though his trauma has seriously effected some of the extroverted tendencies. Even so, he isn’t afraid to put himself out there. For fucks sake, the kid threatened the Fuhrer in his entrance exam. 

Here are a view descriptions of the Sagittarius found of various websites that gives you more insight on the sign, and hopefully a little more insight on Edward too:

     This? This right here? It got old from the very first time it happened. Sure, his YOUNGER (let me reiterate: YOUNGER) brother went from a typical boy’s height to being over six feet tall easy, but he still couldn’t understand why people kept making this mistake! He was Edward Elric! He was the Fullmetal Alchemist! HE HAD THE METAL ARM AND LEG! 

     AND DAMN IT, HE WAS NOT LITTLE!!!!

     “WHOTHEHELLAREYOUCALLIN’LITTLE,LADY?!” One gloved hand pointed very rudely toward the princess, ears nearly steaming and his nostrils flaring. His outburst was quick and unpredictable, but thankfully it tended to die down a few moments after it happened. The anger dissipated into annoyance, his lips tucked upward in a childish pout as the finger he used to point at Peach was pulled back, using it to gesture at himself— this time with his thumb.

    They were in a shitty situation, to say the least.

    Another explosion in the distance signaled that the chaos was pursuing into the town—exactly what Edward didn’t want to happen when he and Ling initially found this bastard roaming the woods. Rogue alchemists were becoming more common around Amestris due to the never-ending rumors of government corruption on top of the homunculi planning to sacrifice a good portion of what was living there. Edward’s view of the world had been skewed since he could remember, but working as a military dog showed him more evil than what he ever wanted to witness.

    The rogue was strong—way too strong, leaving Edward skewed across the grass just outside the town covered in his own sweat and blood. He had went at the guy and entertained him for what felt like awhile, but the sheer strength and lack of fear the villian possessed had eventually laid him out. Ed was a powerful alchemist, a genius most would say, but he had limits… and he couldn’t die for this. He couldn’t go down as a dog when his brother was still suited up in armor.

    But he couldn’t let those townspeople die for the warped agenda of a maniac either.

    His head was down against the grass when Ling landed beside him; Edward assumed he had dropped from the tree above him but couldn’t be bothered to look. Golden hues met eyes with the Xingese man, his teeth clamped tight as pain reverberated through him from what felt like a fractured rib. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting when he saw Ling begin to speak to him - or at him, considering the words...

    “You said you would keep trying!”

    Now that really pissed him off.

    Edward used the pent-up frustration to slowly push himself onto his knees, his breath inhaling sharply as he held back every urge in his body screaming at him to double over. He wouldn’t. He fucking wouldn’t.

    “What… you think I’m done here?!” He spat the words at his counterpart, swallowing the blood collecting over his teeth so he could continue. The taste of iron against his tongue was sadly all-too familiar for someone with Edward’s track record. “This bastard won’t hurt anyone else, Ling, let’s go!”

    In retrospect, Ling’s words were motivating—they were a way to get Edward back onto his feet against the normal odds. He couldn’t give up here. He had too much to do. He had to keep trying. He’d never thank you, Ling Yao, for saying such a thing—but know it was exactly what he needed to hear.

    With a swift motion, his flesh hand lifted to his metal one and the familiar sparks appeared before the transmutation set in motion. The sharp blade that manipulated the original metal piece appeared in its full glory, along with the fire in his eyes that took him as far as it did in the past. He took one last breath before he kicked his feet forward, sprinting into the town after the culprit. For someone with as much strength and expertise as this guy, he was clearly an idiot to leave as obvious of a trail as he did. Just follow the destruction and you’ll find the perpetrator. It was almost boringly cliche.

    Edward had fallen behind after being taken down initially, but he spotted the noisy bastard just as he turned into an alleyway—perfect!

    “Ling!” He called, briefly glancing his way before clapping his hands together, triggering the start of another transmutation. “Down the alley! Surround him, I’ll trap him inside!” Just as he finished, he skidded on his heel as he made the turn following the same path as the enemy. Both his hands slammed down against the ground with a vengeance, the blue sparks flying around him before an earthquake-like eruption shook the ground. The pain he felt in his ribcage was very much prominent, causing him to wince as he exerted his energy and his transmutation was brought to life. From the opposite end of the alley, the Earth shot up like a shield to create a wall blocking the rogue’s escape.

     With his hands pressed into the dirt matted down by rainfall, he choked back the sob threatening to leave him. Teacher spoke at him as sternly as ever, unwavering and apathetic even as cold winds brushed against the exposed skin of his arms and legs. He shivered against it, his jaw tightening and the scowl widening on his expression in response to his body shaking for warmth in the bad weather. 

                                     “Stop crying.”

     His fingers dug into the mud as his head stayed down, the tears already falling from his face and landing onto the ground to be forgotten. He held in a sharp breath, forcing the next sob down his throat instead in an effort to listen to Izumi’s advice. He was feeling bad for himself, feeling bad for Al, and feeling bad for his mother the longer he was making her wait. The training they were going through was rigorous, labor intensive, and nothing like what he expected when they originally approached the experienced alchemist for help. His tears were a cry from his body giving into exhaustion, as well as from his mental state of mourning showing its face once more.

     Biting down on his lower lip, he lifted his arm to wipe away his tears, then readjusted to be able to push back onto his feet. He steadied himself slowly but surely, gaining confidence after one singular thought.

     We’ll see you again. There’s a way.

     Golden eyes flickered from the ground to his teacher, his brows tilting downward with purpose as dirt-covered palms closed into fists. He did have one reason to keep going right now, and that was the belief that he could bring his mother back to life. All him and Al needed was to learn more; they needed to become better alchemists and they could see their mother smile again.

     He could get through any training if it meant she was at the end of that long road. The image of her painted over his eyes like a blindfold, giving him all the reason he needed to dry his eyes that cold, stormy night. A flash of lightning cracked somewhere against the clouds, followed up by the booming sound of thunder. Teacher beckoned him forward, handing him a towel to clear his hands and dry his hair as she finally allowed him inside after a long day of lessons.