#tbd later

just wanted to compile a bunch of lanque sketches that make me feel a little crazy

Who needs sleep when you can pick at your writing and drive yourself crazy- with hot cocoa!

Obviously I'll be posting both sometime down the road but I'm curious which one you all want more.

but the sexual horror really is the biggest draw for me. the psychological aspect of it, the deep dive into character psyches and thinking about how sexuality, gender, autonomy, etc weaves its way into the story. yeah, theres kink and a lot of the kinks can be silly - but in that same breath they can be seen in a much more sinister light too, especially if youre not really into that kink. im not talking about the big stuff like the noncon or the animals. i mean things like the exhibitionism - to a lot of ppl this is hot, but to a character that isnt into it and youre thinking about it from a angle not directed by your dick; its humiliating (tone: big unsexy). compound that with a trans narrative; being forced to bear yourself and your body, which you may not be comfortable with, to strangers who gleefully watch you. the real time "you're seen as a boy!" turning into "you're seen as a girl" - this is horror. there are many small details like this that i think a lot of these cis players arent thinking of. what you see as kink and silly may not be what i would call just silly fun smut. we all interact with the story differently. ive said it forever now: dol to me is a psychological, paranormal horror & i'll say this clearly right now - i do not play it through a cishet lens like a majority of players do.

Love almost throwing up out of pure stress at work today.

disclaimer: first of all this is not aimed at anyone, i just want to say this because i already had beef with someone who believed my venting was aimed at them, which wasn't at the time but they took it personal and i get it, but its not aimed at anyone, but this is my safe space, and i can rant if i want to, no? so, i'm being very discouraged to be here, and i know its the climate, the season, and i know i'm not the only one, we've come from a hobby when we had time to a hobby that most of you don't have time (because of commitments, school, job, time zones, etc) and it hurts. i understand that, i had a job that consumed me so much that i barely got to write for like 6 years or so, and now i have all the time in the world, i don't do nothing but clean the house, tend my cats, and sit here all day, and its been like this for three years give or take. i want to rp with everyone, everyone that's here is here for a reason, but i'm too tired of making moves and then losing partners for someone better. i feel incomplete, insecure, replaced, feel left out, out of place, and unloved, and its no one's fault by my own. i start to see that i can't keep blaming my muse for writing because she's there, present and latent, but sadly the world moves so fast and i've been here since the dawn of this hellhole, so i got used to fast replies, minimum editing, icons, and nothing too fancy, lol, we were all here because we came from chatrooms or forums and were used to it.. now its changed, like the world has changed and its hard to keep up with the slowness of it all when you have all the time in the world, and stories and plots make you eager but you lose ideas midway because of a lot of external factors that nor you or your partners are to blame for. i love each being i met, but i'm tired of just being a number, a follower, someone that you just follow and not interact with, i'm tired of being tired of this and whenever i try to do something about it, the discouragement is real and i just stop, sometimes before i start, because its better than get disappointed. i try my best to keep up, to make friends, but with having noting exciting happening in your life, its hard to make small talk last when you're talking to your partners ooc, and that makes you seem that you don't want to talk to them, but i do, fuck, i do! i feel so lonely, so stressed out, so little, i used to love this place so much, but there's nothing else i can do, i'm being unmotivated, and i just want to feel the love again, is that too much to ask? a girl needs friends, she can't only survive by talking to her wife, her mother once a week by phone and her 9 cats. its driving me insane. i'm stopping right now because i got overwhelmed and teary eyed and i hate it. if you read this i thank you so much for doing so, i have no money for a psychologist so this will do for now. ily, please don't hate me and think less of me because of this.