i am free.

What if instead of red dead redemption 2, it was called red freaky redemption 2, and instead of Arthur having TB, he and Charles fucked nasty on the forest floor?

god. GOD. this pattern buck has found himself repeating. where he gets this 🤏 close to realising and acknowledging his feelings for eddie. but then swerves around them at the very last moment and lashes the fuck out. he's doing the exact same thing he did in 7x04. the feelings are THERE. he sees them. he knows they're there. but he can’t look at them. it makes him literally ANGRY to look at them. and crucially it's himself he's angry at. it wasn’t really eddie he was angry at in 7x04. it wasn’t really eddie he was angry at in 8x09. it isn’t really tommy he's angry at now. he's angry at HIMSELF. for, in his own words "pining for his straight best friend". because it makes him crazy. and it hurts. god. feeling like this fucking HURTS. it makes him feel out of control. and he doesn't know what to do with it. there's nothing he can do with it. because eddie's straight. right?

sister AND ex-boyfriend both believing you're in love with your best friend is crazy work. implying the only thing holding you back is his sexuality is even crazier work

you live in your invisible boyfriend’s house

Buck is literally a fucking meme. he's like LOVE? um I'm not in LOVE with Eddie. do I feel a torturous imbalance and chasm in my soul and my life and at work without him? I mean yeah. can I not fall asleep in his house or bring myself to unpack after weeks because it evokes a deep fear in me to accept he is really gone and I reject that concept down to the marrow? sure. do I bring him up in every topic of conversation to the point people are genuinely fucking sick of me. ok yes! maybe so! but I'm not in LOVE with him??????? he's straight