Im down here naked/ /theres a hole in my chest

Aww man I'm sorry your situationship ghosted you. I thought you guys had real chemistry. You'll find someone else though. Hey why dont we hit the vintage store later, it's the perfect spot for you to try and pull a rebound. Yeah cuz everyone there is gonna be your age and stuff, and they'll all already be looking to pay a truly horrifying price for some dysfunctional, weird-smelling garbage that is lowkey haunted for real. No? Are you sure? Ok well I kinda need another itchy rayon negligee though so maybe we can raincheck.

yall werent ready for this yet

Gay broke sober king 🤴

if brian wilson was in the toy story universe he would know about the toys

good god when the mr clean magic eraser hits the stove......

the panties hit the floor

you know it brother

Cant tell you how many times I rawd*gged my husband after I caught him using a magic eraser to clean the pasta sauce I burned onto the burner like some kind of primordial insect

you know what i wish you would tell me

enough about smol beans. lets talk about large beans

Sorry for having another nightmare about losing a fistfight to a bug

Thank you for apologizing 💜 Forgiveness will take time, but this is the start to a healing path for both of us

i don't forgive them. i was the bug.

i dont want you to heal

My sapphic ass just missed the toilet bowl & slipped in the puddle & fractured muy hulking iron body & now im too crying to get up now theres bugs crawling on me everywhere cuz i spilled my slurpy on my shirt 5 days ago & they want the sugars stuck in it wich i dont even blame them for at all