Ecstatic @ecstaticluvr - Tumblr Blog

I'm just gonna write what I feel or think from now on because this is my blog and no one can tell me otherwise

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Your absence felt so much easier when I couldn't call you mine. Now that I am yours, each second that passes without your company feels like a lifetime of waiting. It seems almost as though I am a mutt waiting for its owner to return home. Some days, I think it would be easier to be alone. Being alone is easier than checking my phone every time it dings. Being alone is far easier than waiting 8 hours for your short response. Being alone is being independent. Independence is something I strive to have. Independence is strength and resilience. When I'm around you, all those ideals dissolve. When I'm around you, all I can think of is how your voice lingers after you speak. How your laugh never ceases to show just how beautiful you are. Or how your words pump my heart like the blood in my veins. You remain a priceless reason to keep loving, so why do I still feel doubt. No one is perfect, of course, so why do I expect so much from someone as human as I? When with you, I feel like the only girl in your eyes, but without your reassurance, I feel like the weight on your shoulders: holding you down. I tell myself this feeling will fade in time, but how much time will that take? And can I really battle my thoughts until then? The only thing I know is that I'll try my best for my dear lover.

ohscorbus

Do you have any good scorbus fic suggestions

I have lots! They’re all on my fic rec page (which I know I haven’t updated in a few months, I promise it’s on my to do list) but here’s a few favourites…

The First Date by rainystreetlights (6k)

This is so Scorpius and Albus-y, I love it.

Nightmares by total_theatre_nerd (37k)

Lots of hurt, comfort, love, and healing in this one.

A Sky Full of Stars. by vmxns (4k)

I’m always here for stargazing, exploring Scorpius’s mental health, and sweet first kisses. This has all three.

Moramortia (146k), Piano (2k), and Fireworks (1k) by torestoreamends

The fandom’s angst supplier! Adventures and angst in the first one, followed by fluff in the other two. You’ll need it.

Put Your Guns Away, it’s Tea Time by frombluetored (52k)

Part one of the It’s Tea Time series (688k+). It’s easily one of my favourite and best fics I’ve ever read. HP or otherwise.

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child (in novel form) by BoleynC (291k)

This follows the script but there’s more to it than just that. Read it for all the in between moments and the ending…

Quietly by starlightpeddler (109k)

Part two of The Quietly Series (361k) There’s lots of ups and downs for the boys in this and I enjoyed every second of it.

letsbelonelytogetherr

bohemian

noun [C]

a person who is interested in art, music, and/or literature, and lives in a very informal way, ignoring the usually accepted ways of behaving.

I'm self destructive. I calculate my future downfalls in a million different ways until I make impulsive decisions that I convince myself will help. spoiler alert they don't they make me feel worse lol

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androidboy

literally my favorite type of tweet

I'm not ready to walk out of this room and face the world.

But I know I have to

Mute

Am I mute mom? Dad? Because you don't seem to hear a single thing ive got to say. No one asks me how I am because I'm the 15 year old and I should be great. Well sorry I'm not. Apparently you don't hear me even though I'm screaming at the top of my lungs. I'm articulating until I can't feel my tongue and I feel like I've just ran 10 miles. I don't know why I dry my mouth over it. I'm talking to a brick wall after all. You don't feel my words are important enough to be heard or understood. And you don't feel my opinion carries enough importance to let me finish a single sentence. I'm stuck here screaming to a brick wall and I don't know what else to do.

Woah

Woah. I am really really angry. I hadn't noticed until yesterday. I felt like I was suffering the worst possible feeling a human could feel. And it made me so angry. I felt unheard, unseen, and perceived as utterly stupid by my own family. I always cry when I'm angry. So I cried. And I couldn't stop. I started to hit things and eventually broke the stick I was using to cause damage. I felt overlooked and it was absolutely disgusting. I was so tired of it.

orbitalyear-deactivated20230513

oh my god im going fucking crazy *continues to live exactly the same*

ecstaticluvr

My life summary

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ALL I FUCKING WANT

FUCK WHY CAN'T I HAVE A GROUP OF FRIENDS LIKE THE GROUP FROM THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER

ITS LITERALLY ALL I WANT

Edit: the soundtrack to this movie is truly unmatched

The moment you know you're burning out but can't do anything to stop the wick from disintegrating at a rapid pace. When all your energy is being drained but you're failing to find a charger in time. When everything is blending into dull shades of grey because you've run out of color paints.

And when you're losing interest in life because there's really nothing keeping you.

product of my environment.

The Declines

That one feeling that everything is going downhill And not knowing how to fix it Is worse than any other stupid occurrence.

When I know things are going to get worse I learned to just sit and let it happen It goes away eventually if you give it time

Let it rule me like a foreign tribe invading my own Just praying it leaves Letting it take all I have, all my colors And after a few visits It isn't as foreign to me now I've learned to just let it seize my happiness.

I've learned to just live through the declines

one of the favorites rn

#Spotify

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Hi,

This was probably a terrible idea but I thought why not bc you only live once right? Oh god😭. Okay April, I've liked you for a long time. Almost too long tbh. I knowwww you dont feel the same but you're kind of like the human embodiment of sunshine and ur js u I can't explain it- Anyway this isn't gonna make this awkward bc if it comes down to it js pretend that u never saw this BC ILL GET OVER IT. I've liked you since the day I saw you again on wolfpack and you js reminded me of pure joy. YOURE REALLY GOOD AT SOFTBALL TOO LIKE ONG I WISH I HAD UR ARM IM SO JEALOUS. sooooooo thatttts it

I hate having the feeling like everything is the same and I'm suffocating in the bleakness of it all. I'm just fucking drowning in my own darkness and it feels like there's no escape, no one to talk to, and no relief

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