The Life of Echo// Requests Open

— We brought some 5 second brews. — And... some 5 second kazoos.

Please this was so funny god I love seeing the signs people make

-Takeshita (w/Kota)

-Clark Conners (w/Hangman)

-ELP (asexual reproduction)

She loves her hot tub. Me, on the other hand, I am now convinced that there is no benefit conferred by the hot tub that outweighs the absolute clown show associated with every aspect of the hot tub. Ignoring for a moment, the fact that you now have to maintain and heat and chemically balance your own water feature, just appreciate the exploits of my mother attempting to use the damn thing.

To set the scene, my parents house is in an area far less rural than mine but there is still enough tree cover and elbow room for discretion so standard practice is hopping in the tub naked. It is also, cold as balls at the moment, somewhere around zero Fahrenheit with intermittent snow. The hot tub is underneath the deck so it's not being snowed on but you can still see out to the winter wonderland that's cold as balls. We have set wooden planks that run from the door to the hot tub and keep these swept of snow that drifts in as to protect bare feet. It is also worth noting that the hot tub cover opens with one hand from the inside and it is super simple and easy to do.

(We also set up a cold plunge tub, but right now it is a large brick of ice in a bucket due to the aforementioned cold as balls thing.)

So it's dark because the sun goes down at like 2:30 these days. Mom prances on out there with her towel and nothing else. Crucially, she has left behind her shoes, her glasses, and her brain, because you don't need those for hot tubbing. She elects to open the hot tub cover in the most convoluted way imaginable, leaving the safety of our nicely swept boardwalk to fumble around in the snow barefoot in a towel. This understandably involves some squealing. Getting into the tub involves more squealing because if you've ever gone from ice to hot water, that shit stings.

But she gets her hot soak and shes vibing enjoying the bubbles and the serenity of softly drifting snowflakes sparkling in the inky black night.

Then she has to get out. And get her towel which, rather than hanging on the conveniently accessible hook, is laying on the cold plunge tub where she left it.

If you've been keeping track, my mother, the magnificent woman that she is, is currently blind, buckass naked, barefoot, and soaking wet. So she climbs out of the tub, tries to avoid the icy patch on the boardwalk from dripping wet bodies, fails, promptly biffs it on the step, and stumbles into the snow, screeching. With her tits out, no towel, a possible strained groin muscle and frozen hair she looks over and realizes she's left her zone of carefully shielded discretion and is now looking directly into her neighbors window. While naked and screaming. (👋 Hi Don.)

Personally, I would have called it there, admitted defeat and gone inside. But mom loves her hot tub. So she, naked, blind, soaking wet, barefoot, in the snow, with frozen hair and a strained groin muscle, spewing profanity, dances around the hot tub to close the damn cover, with an audience. (Sorry Don)

I and the rest of my family, are inside, listening to a series of thuds, crashes, and curses, quickly building in vehemence. Mom comes back in, with her hard won towel, looking less like she came out of a spa and more like she won a fight