Fleeting thoughts on a moonlit night

hey it’s 2018 and i can’t believe this is still going around but i did look through the notes a bit and Y'all Made a Lot of Funnies and said some very sweet things too. this tweet is still the best tweet of all time.

He’s untethered from time of course he doesn’t know how to respond to how was your day! Days do not exist for him! Honestly you’re being. A bit insensitive right now

Did you hear a new love language just dropped? yeah its crazy. Its called just fuckin biting them.

*walks around your blog with my hands behind my back* hmm.. incredible.. both mommy and daddy issues?

I understand that a lot of people are really into gardening but i think you should refrain from pointing at peoples houses and announcing the sexes of the bushes outside because you might accidentally get the correct ratio of men to women in that household and scare the crap out of the residents inside. Especially if you’re going to end your statement with “that’s why they’re not going to survive”

Last night i was sitting at my computer with my window open and i heard a guy on the sidewalk walk up to my yard, vaguely point at my house (it was dark) and say “oh yea there’s 3 females and one male, thats why they’re not going to survive” and then walked away and it took me walking outside with a flashlight to understand he was referring to the fact that 3/4 of my rosemary bushes have flowers and that he was not stalking my family of 3 women and 1 man and threatening us

My dog has a habit where, right before a walk, she just takes a mouthful of kibble and keeps it in her mouth. Then, during the walk, she would decide on a good spot and just spit the kibble out and then eat it.

Well I’m sure if she had pockets she would keep it there but u gotta play the hand ur dealt ¯\_(ツ)_/¯