I begin to understand my feelings even more.
I open my eyes to a brand new night, awaiting a brand new day.
even when, everything begins to feel like the darkness has consumed me.
I feel like only the light can touch me and even burn me.
Like a piece of paper waiting to be lit by match. My eyes shake and my fingers feel numb.
I missed the keyboard, the ways the keys sounds and make that click clack like stripper heels on the dance-floor.
Its my favorite sounds, like a rhythm like a breath. It envelopes me throughout the night.
The humming of the disco sound-waves penetrate my body and my skin. I feel brand new.
What else is there to say, I miss the night time I miss my life, I miss me. I miss Mateo.
I miss being the person I used to be, surely but surely I will come back to me.
I know I will no matter what, even if I feel like those around me have hurt me like they stabbed me with there sharpest dagger.
This is not poetry, this more like self deprecating sonnets and love notes to myself.
Who else can tell me how much I miss me. My life, my smile, my sparkle.
I said who cares, who cares about me?
But then again I remember that life is but one. The one I currently have.
I cherish and appreciate life, there is nothing more valuable than living a happy life, slowly but surely I will have it
One way or the other, its what I deserve.
You know I’m tired of living behind anybody else’s shadows or their demons when Im still slaying mines.
What is there to say, my dearest diary. You still are the only one who gets me.
I don’t think I can process thoughts if I were writing down these thoughts on a piece of paper.
My handwriting sucks and I don’t even have an English major. I wanna type on this keyboard till my fingers bleed
Like a pianist learning a brand new symphony. Like Mozart or like the Queen earring her first golden tassel.
Im silly, I romantic beauty and everything that’s emphermal or ethereal. I wanna feel ethereal forever.
Like love, I think I’m in love It makes my stomach have the butterflies but then again they feel like moths in my tiny stomach.
It still whirls like laundry or like a blender filled with fruit. Nothing makes sense but that’s what keeps things fresh and exciting.
As much as I crave piece I believe that I still want to ruminate in my chaos, its what keeps me feeling alive and real.
Like the flesh on my skin and the bones and goosebumps in a cold winter morning.
Battle Hymns, strike again. God asks me one day in a dream to look at the Sun and I fell in love with it forever.
Like the universe it makes me feel connected to everything thats alive from the ugliest fruit to the most beautiful flower.
Flowers and bumblebees dance together like human vampires. They are the polar opposites of our beauty.
Polar opposites is what this is all about, duality, my duality.
My feminine divine and my masculine divine dance together in the most beautiful ballad
We dance in an intoxicating bubble of love and freedom. I miss that.
My eyes feel blurry and I hope this pill kicks in, I want to have deep slumber that I can wake up to a clear new day.
Sleep and rest is what my little brain needs, It just wants to rest. I wish I can just put it next to me and charge it like a brand new iPhone 15.
Who needs phones when you have a diary. I missed typing, Im starting to feel like myself. One drawing, one diary entry, one kiss and a killer new outfit.
