I'm so normal

Flambae doesn't think he can be blamed for how long it took the words to sink in. He was tired, he was sore, he was fucking sick of wrapping these fucking plates in bubble wrap. He barely looks up from his task as Robert walks into the kitchen holding a years-old moving box. 

"Thought that stuff was already in the new garage?" Flambae asks absentmindedly, watching appreciatively as his boyfriend balances the box in one arm and wipes the sweat off his brow with another. One of Flambae's t-shirts hangs off Robert's shoulders, loose and well-worn after years of thievery. 

Robert shrugs, dropping the box on the kitchen table with a loud clatter. Flambae pauses, eyes narrowing slightly at the specific, familiar clinking and shuffling. His hands still from where he had been moving to cut more bubble wrap as Robert spins the box in a circle, head tilting to the side as he tries to gauge the contents veiled by cardboard. 

"Well, it's not one of my boxes. I always got mine from liquor stores." 

I know, Flambae thinks miserably, I was the one who actually unpacked all the shit you shoved into a closet. Robert spins the box this way and that, head tilting to the side as Flambae watches on from behind the kitchen counter. It's relatively nondescript, just a plain beige box, taped together with clear moving tape and a hasty label scrawled in black sharpie. 

Robert shrugs, nail scraping the edge of the tape in a bid to remove it. "Guess we gotta open it and see. It's weird, I found it way in the back of your closet. Almost missed it." 

He's got the tape halfway off by the time Flambae realizes what exactly his boyfriend is about to unearth. The plate Flambae had been wrapping hits the counter with a worrying clank! as he whips around the corner in a scramble to make it to the table in time. 

He's too late. Robert tosses the tape to the side and lifts the flaps, nose wrinkling at the plume of dust that shoots up. "The fuck…?"

It was easy enough to run away to Canada, right? Flambae could fly, he wouldn't even have to bother with the passport stuff. His parole officer would understand. Actually, he wouldn't, the guy was such a bitch-

"Chad."

"Yes, beloved?"

"Mhm. Mind telling me why you have a box of Mecha Man merch you never told me about?" A rifling of items, vinyl figures clinking against enamel pins shuffling against cardstock. "Specifically of Blue?"

"…I'm supportive of the arts." 

"…right." A shuffling of items once more. The crinkle of protective plastic over paper. "Woah, they were really generous with my dick size-"

There’s no decline in performance. No weakness in his throat, no change in his words that Robert point at, recognize.

So when it does happen, no one knows how to deal with it.

Maybe it’s just something on the news. Maybe they spat some things Robert can’t repeat without his teeth clenching.

The past is an angry thing.

His eyes are sunset set on fire, usually. Robert learned the hue by heart.

They don’t change, now, watching with a blank face, arms crossed, and spine stiff, until Prism has enough and turns the TV off with a scoff.

“ ‘Dangerous’. I’m gonna post that video of you letting your niece braid your hair. Bet they’ll feel stupid.”

Sonar pipes up, “Hear me out. I convince Robert to hack their Twitter. We post all the draft tweets. They quit live. Profit.”

Bruno speaks up after a beat. Robert can smell pressed flowers, suddenly. “Sorry, man. For real.”

And Flambae shrugs. “Don’t be.”

But Robert hears the unsaid part. It’s only tragic if it’s not your fault.

Some things include:

Starts narrating Beef’s inside thoughts at any given time. Gives him an unreasonably deep voice, too.

’’Ah, yes. Fuckass kibble time. Look at these bozos. Without me, everything would go to shit. Flambae’s my favorite. Yeahhh.”

(Chase laughed at that one and hates himself for it)

Draws faces on Robert’s coffee mugs depending on his moods. Sometimes it’s a sun with sunglasses, sometimes it’s a surprisingly detailed middle finger. It can change by the hour.

Prank calls the Bonezone. Regularly.

“We know it’s you, Flambae! I’m not falling for that ‘hey, is your car on fire’ shit aga— HOLY SHIT, MY CAR!”

Robert pretends to hate it, but he has every youtube compilation bookmarked.

If one of the subscribers is rude to Robert, Chad WILL pay Coop to find their phone numbers. He sends them memes until they agree to apologize.

“Please. Tell him to stop. I flinch at frogs now.”

They specifically have to call Robert ‘Lord Bobertson of Bobbington. The Third.’ Or else it doesn’t count.

Knows all of Robert’s neighbours by name. Everytime he’s picking Robert up for a date, he does some bullshit in front of their ring camera.

One time did a whole runway routine and they just rolled with it. Robert does have to drag him away. Multiple times.

So correct me if I'm wrong but the only thing we see Robert eating aside from junk food is a plain sandwich (which he obviously shared with beef) and we know robert sometimes has a habit of smelling his food AND we know that Robert knows Flambae can cook👀

You might be wondering why I'm bringing these things up and why it's in this tag well I present you this idea!! I see you all with your fics where Flambae shows up and just starts giving Robert the most beautifully flavorful foods he's ever had in his life(and I love you for those fics💞) BUT consider this Flambae seeing Roberts habit of eating food that's either pre packaged or very basic tasting and the hesitation he has with eating anything even slightly fresh. So when he does start bringing Robert food he starts off with giving him basic things like sandwiches, blander meat, boring soups. Things where Robert would be able identity everything that he's tasting, things that don't smell very strongly so that if there is something off with the scent Robert could pick up on it. Flambae just keeps sticking to these basic foods until Robert stops being paranoid and hesitant with the food Flambae is giving him. And when Flambae starts giving him more complicated dishes he'll make a show of "stealing" a few bites for himself first or purposely making sure Robert is watching as he divides up his own lunch to give to Robert.

This will eventually lead to Flambae inviting Robert over to Dinner. Flambae will have him help make the food secretly this is just so that he can have Robert taste all the different spices Flambae has so that he can identify them easily if they end up in his lunch.

Flambae calls Robert all sorts of silly nicknames and gross pet names. He's all for calling Robert baby, darling, honey, love of my life, on top of various terms of endearment in Spanish and Dari, and his ridiculous takes on Robert's name.

Sabotage

Didn't have enough patience for background, so no background

Uncle Flambae in all his glory ❤️‍🔥✨

I went on pinterest with a single purpose, found what i was looking for and used it as a ref. To think a simple single interaction made me love him even more (I'm down bad).

infatuated

ʳᵉᶠᵉʳᵉⁿᶜᵉ ↓

HAPPY LATE VALENTINES DAY POST...?? I FIGURED THESE TWO DORKS WOULD NOT BE SUBTLE AFTER A FEW DRINKS... AND SHOTS.. AND BEER PROBABLY. SO AFTER STARING EACH OTHER DOWN FOR A WHILE IN THE CLURB THEY BOTH GOT BOLD ENOUGH TO SEE HOW FAR THE OTHER IS WILLING TO GO >:))) (might be another project if i got time)