normal clown fan

The Google Docs version of this translation is the most up-to-date. If using/reuploading/reposting this translation, do not remove the translator's notes, and do not change the translations. Credit and link if using. Any additional Translator's Notes will be found in the replies and/or Google Docs. (The JP text is a transcription done by ear. It will be updated when the T3 scriptbooks are released.) Check the original post before reblogging as TLs are occasionally revisited and edited.

エス　「ミコト」 ES: Mikoto. ミコト　「やあ、看守くん。なんか久しぶりだね。どうしたの?」 MIKOTO: Hey, Warden-kun. It’s been a while, don’t’cha think? What’s up? エス　「お前は……ミコトか」 ES: You’re… Mikoto..? ミコト　「何言ってるのさ。僕は……僕は……」 MIKOTO: What are you saying…? I’m… I’m… [T/N: Until the scriptbooks come out, the spelling of boku is unknown and, in this trial, its spelling may not matter at all. For the sake of convenience, boku will be written in kanji (僕) in this TL.] ミコト　「榧野尊……だよな。そうだよな」 MIKOTO: Mikoto Kayano… Isn’t that right? エス　「ミコト、お前……」 ES: Mikoto, you… ミコト　「何言ってんだかって感じだよな」 MIKOTO: “What are you even saying” type shit. [T/N: It feels like “Tf you on bro” but with less crassness, and directed towards himself.] エス　「大丈夫か。話せるか」 ES: Are you good? Can you speak? ミコト　「大丈夫、大丈夫」 MIKOTO: I’m okay, I’m okay. ミコト　「むしろ最近調子がいいんだ。記憶がなくなることもなくなったし」 MIKOTO: Better yet, I’ve been feeling pretty good lately. My memory hasn’t been fading away from me. [T/N: “[Mikoto] sounds like a 14-year old” - S. S did not know Mikoto is 23-years old.] エス　「そうか……」 ES: I see… エス　「本当にいなくなったんだな、あいつは」 ES: So he really is gone- that guy. ミコト　「僕のもう一人の人格」 MIKOTO: My other self. エス　「ああ」 ES: Yeah. ミコト　「そいつが人を殺したって言ってたもんね。看守くんは」 MIKOTO: They said he killed people, right? Warden-kun said that. ミコト　「えへへ」 MIKOTO: Ehehe. ミコト　「本当だったのかな。こうなってみると」 MIKOTO: I wonder if it was true. Now that things turned out like this. エス　「わかるのか?」 ES: You can tell? ミコト　「頭がね、少しずつクリアになっていくのを感じる。今までもやがかかっていたんだ。きっと、こうなってみてわかる」 MIKOTO: You see, in my head, I can feel things becoming a little bit clearer. It’s like there’s been a fog over everything before. For sure, I don’t think I could’ve understood it ‘til now. ミコト　「誰かいたんだ。きっと」 MIKOTO: That there definitely was someone else there. エス　「整理に時間が必要だよな」 ES: It’ll take time to figure it all out. ミコト　「うん」 MIKOTO: Yeah. エス　「いいさ。僕が本当に話すべき人殺しは、もういない」 ES: It’s alright. The murderer that I truly needed to speak with isn’t here anymore. エス　「今回の尋問はお前の気持ちを、ゆっくり知れればいい」 ES: For this interrogation, I’d just like to take the time to understand how you feel. ミコト　「僕は赦されたんだよね」 MIKOTO: I was forgiven, wasn’t I? エス　「ああ、そうだ」 ES: Yeah, that’s right. ミコト　「僕は赦された」 MIKOTO: I was forgiven. ミコト　「ん」 MIKOTO: Mm. エス　「ミコト?」 ES: Mikoto? ミコト　「そっか」 MIKOTO: I see. ミコト　「いや、そりゃ…嬉しいよ」 MIKOTO: I mean, of course- I’m happy. ミコト　「実際にやってないんだもん、僕は何もね」 MIKOTO: The truth of the matter… is that I didn’t do anything. エス　「ああ」 ES: Mm. エス　「その結論にもいろんな理由があった。お前が……本物の多重人格であると判断したこと。犯行当時にお前の意思がなかったこと。それをもう一人のお前が話していたことが、大きな判断材料になったと思う」 ES: There were many reasons behind that conclusion. You… were judged as having a real case of multiple personalities. It was determined that you had no conscious control over your actions at the time the crime was committed. The fact that your other self spoke of it— These were major factors for your verdict. Or so I think. ミコト　「もう一人の僕が」 MIKOTO: The other me… [T/N: There’s an implication with the が (ga) that MIKOTO feels as if he has little to no control over the other him. Insert parallel to Double MV lyrics もう一人の俺が (mou hitori no ore ga; me, the other you).] エス　「ああ。お前の無実を証言してくれた形になる」 ES: Yeah. In a way, he testified to your innocence. ミコト　「ああ。そいつが殺しただけで、僕は殺してない……そう……そうだよな」 MIKOTO: Ah- He was the one who killed them- I didn’t kill them… isn-… isn’t that right.

(MIKOTO throws up.) エス　「大丈夫か」 ES: Are you alright? (MIKOTO continues throwing up, retching— hurling.) エス　「息をしろ」 ES: Take breaths. ミコト　「殺した……」 MIKOTO: …killed… ミコト　「殺したんだろう、本当に……」 MIKOTO: killed- Really did kill… ミコト　「僕……」 MIKOTO: I… エス　「お前は殺していない。ミルグラムではそう判断された」 ES: You have not killed anyone. That is what MILGRAM has judged. ミコト　「僕が知らないうちに、本当に」 MIKOTO: Without me even knowing- really- エス　「ミコト」 ES: Mikoto. ミコト　「何が赦すなんだよ！？殺してないんだよ！？僕の体で……人を殺してるじゃないかよ‼」 MIKOTO: What the hell do you mean “forgiven”?! Not killing anyone!? With my body… people were murdered! エス　「お前……思い出したのか」 ES: You… remembered? ミコト　「もう一人の僕が消えてから、浮かんでくる知らない記憶」 MIKOTO: Ever since the other me disappeared, memories I never knew I had have been appearing. エス　「ジョンでいた時の記憶が逃がされているのかも」 ES: Perhaps the memories from when you were John are leaking out. ミコト　「光景が浮かぶ……金属バットで人を殴って、潰して」 MIKOTO: The images are coming to me… Hitting people with a metal bat, crushing them- ミコト　「何人も……何度も何度も」 MIKOTO: So many people… over and over- (MIKOTO cries hard even though it’s as if there’s no air left to cry out.) エス　「いい。無理に思い出さなくていい」 ES: It’s okay. You don’t have to force yourself to remember. ミコト　「赦されたから、なんだ。実際に人が死んでる……何人も……でも知らなかったんだ！」 MIKOTO: So what if I was forgiven? People really died… so many of them… and, yet, I didn’t know! ミコト　「我が、僕なのか。本当に……？」 MIKOTO: Am I- “me”? Really…? ミコト　「ねえ、エスくん……僕は人殺しなの……僕が知らないうちに……なんて、どうしたらいいんだよ、こんなの……一人で！」 MIKOTO: Hey… Es-kun… I’m a murderer… without even knowing… What- What the hell am I supposed to do-?! With this… alone! [T/N: Much like in Mikoto’s T1 VD “John Doe”, the use of うち (uchi) here can have a double meaning. Uchi can be used to mean “inside” or the pronoun “I”, though the use of uchi as a first-person pronoun is primarily popular with elementary schoolers, or girls and women.] ミコト　「ふざけるなよ！人の体を勝手に使って、人を殺して、全部放り出して消えたって、なんだよ……！なんだよ？それ、そんなのってないよ！」 MIKOTO: You’ve gotta be with fucking me! Using a person’s body to go ahead and murder people, then- just abandoning everything and disappearing…?! What the fuck? That’s- That’s not fair-!! [T/N: そんなのってないよ (sonna notte nai yo) is more of “that’s not how it should be”.] エス　「もう一人の人格は……なぜ生まれるのか」 ES: Why… are other selves born? エス　「お前と出会って、調べた」 ES: After meeting you, I looked into it. エス　「そして考えた」 ES: And I thought about it. エス　「人の心の話だから、確かなことは言えない」 ES: When it comes to the human heart, no one can say anything for certain. エス　「有力な学説だって、すべてがお前に当てはまるわけではない」 ES: Even the most plausible theories don’t all apply to you. エス　「ただ、心を守るためだという説が濃厚だ」 ES: But, the most likely explanation is that it’s to protect the soul. [T/N: 心 (kokoro) can mean “mind”, “heart”, and/or “soul”.] ミコト　「僕の……心を」 MIKOTO: To protect… my… heart… mind… and soul. エス　「あいつのやったことは最悪だ。愚かだ。多くの人の命が失われた。それは間違いない。決して赦されることではない」 ES: What that guy did was the worst. It was foolish. Many lives were lost. There’s no doubt about that. By no means can it ever be excused. エス　「ただ……お前を守るためだった。すべて」 ES: But… it was to protect you. All of it.

(MIKOTO breathes shakily.) エス　「だから、赦せというわけではない」 ES: That’s why I’m not asking you to forgive him. エス　「でも……知っていてほしいと、思ったお前には……」 ES: But… it- occured to me that- you should know. エス　「あいつは……お前を守るためだけに生まれ」 ES: He… was born for no other reason than to protect you. エス　「お前を守るためだけにいなくなった」 ES: He disappeared for no other reason than to protect you. エス　「そういうやつだった。なんで？あいつが生まれたのか。思い当たる節はあるか」 ES: That’s the kind of guy he was. Why? Why was he even born? Do you have any ideas? ミコト　「そんなの、大したことない。僕はどこにでもいる普通の人間だよ。関係ない人を殺してまで守りたいものなんて」 MIKOTO: That’s- not important. I’m just some normal run-of-the-mill person. There’s nothing I want to protect that badly to the point of killing innocent people. ミコト　「ない」 MIKOTO: Nothing. エス　「いいんだ」 ES: Sure. ミコト　「ふん」 MIKOTO: Mhm. エス　「他の場所では、赦されないかもしれない。でも、ここはミルグラムだ。お前は今、ミルグラムに赦されている」 ES: Elsewhere, you may not have been forgiven. However, this is MILGRAM. Right now, MILGRAM has forgiven you. エス　「お前の苦しみを責める者は誰もいない」 ES: No one is blaming you for your suffering. (MIKOTO’s breath hitches.) エス　「それに、僕個人としても。人によって何を苦しみと思うかは違う。誰かにとって取るに足らないことも……他の誰かにとっては、地獄の苦しみになることだってある」 ES: Besides—speaking for myself—what people consider suffering varies from person to person. Something that’s trivial to one person… might be hells of agony to someone else. エス　「だからいいんだ。僕はお前の気持ちが聞きたいよ」 ES: So it’s okay. I want to hear how you feel. ミコト　「看守くん……」 MIKOTO: Warden-kun… (MIKOTO takes some shaky breaths.) ミコト　「仕事がね。激務だったんだよね。いわゆるブラック企業みたいな。最大手の広告代理店のデザイナーね。憧れてた会社だったし、同じ大学の奴らからも羨ましがられてさ。辞めるなんて選択肢なくてさ」 MIKOTO: My job, y’know? It was brutal, y’know. One of those whats-it-called black company type of thing. I was a designer at the biggest advertising company. It was the company I’ve always dreamed of working for and even people from the same uni envied me. Quitting wasn’t even an option. [T/N: Black companies are companies that are abusive or exploitative to its workers, often targeting fresh and young employees as hires who are overworked and paid little to no overtime. Employees are subject to poor conditions, physical/verbal/emotional abuse (such as bullying), or even blackmail to prevent employees from quitting and going to another company. Black companies are known for contributing to karōshi deaths; death by overwork.]

エス　「そういうものなんだな」 ES: That’s just how it is, I guess. ミコト　「うん」 MIKOTO: Yeah. ミコト　「大学時代なんて、僕何でもできてさ。器用だし、容量いいし、小魅力あるから。無敵だと思ってたんだよね」 MIKOTO: Back in uni, I could do anything. I was skilled, resourceful, had a certain charm. I thought I was unstoppable. エス　「思ってた?」 ES: You thought? ミコト　「ん。違った。会社に入ってさ」 MIKOTO: Yeah. I was wrong. Once I joined the company that is. ミコト　「自分が天才じゃないことを知った」 MIKOTO: I realized I wasn’t a genius. ミコト　「挫折って初めてだったからさ。それを認められなくて」 MIKOTO: It was my first time facing failure, you see. I just couldn’t accept it. ミコト　「……プライドがあるんだ。僕にも」 MIKOTO: …I had pride. Even someone like me. エス　「体を壊してでもなのか」 ES: Even if it means destroying your body? ミコト　「体なんてとっくの昔に壊れてた」 MIKOTO: My body was already broken a long time ago. ミコト　「でもそれより、できない奴って思われる方が怖かった。見て見ぬふりした。できない自分も、擦り減ってく自分も……助けを求めることも、投げ出すことも……できなかったよ。カッコ悪いとこ見せられないから」 MIKOTO: I was more terrified of being seen as a failure. I turned a blind eye to it. To the me that couldn’t do things, to the me that was wasting away… I couldn’t ask for help… and I couldn’t give up either. ‘Cause I couldn’t let anyone see me being inept. エス　「僕からすれば、全て投げ出して逃げてしまえばいいと……思う」 ES: From my perspective, I… think you should just throw it all and run away. ミコト　「そうだよね。わかる」 MIKOTO: You’re right. I get it. エス　「でも、周りを失望させたくない。期待に応えている自分でいたいというお前の気持ちは」 ES: But I don’t want to let the people around me down. I get how you feel with wanting to be the kind of person who lives up to their own expectations. ミコト　「弱さだよね」 MIKOTO: It’s a weakness, isn’t it. エス　「優しさだと思うよ」 ES: I think it’s kindness. エス　「もう一人のお前も言っていた。優しい奴だと」 ES: The other you said it. That you’re a kind guy. [T/N: The だと (dato) in 優しい奴だと (yasashii yatsu dato) implies that Es couldn’t believe the other Mikoto when he said that Mikoto is kind.] エス　「そう聞いてお前の行動を思い返せば。一見軽薄に見える行動も、全て場や人を和ませるためのものだ」 ES: When I hear that and think back on your actions, even the things you do that seem frivolous at first are actually meant to put people or the mood at ease. ミコト　「買いかぶりだ。思いのが苦手なだけだよ」 MIKOTO: You overestimate me. I’m just not good with feelings. エス　「いいんだ、どっちでも。僕はそう思ったんだ。僕にとってはそれが全てだよ。弱さだって、優しさだって、僕は僕たちはきっと、お前が好きだよ」 ES: Either way, it’s fine. That’s what I believed. For me, at least, that’s everything. Whether it’s weakness, or kindness, I’m certain that we both like you. ミコト　「もう一人の僕と看守くん話したんだよね」 MIKOTO: Other me and Warden-kun talked with each other, didn’t you? エス　「ああ」 ES: Yeah. ミコト　「どんな人だった？」 MIKOTO: What kind of person was he like? エス　「粗野で乱暴。僕に暴力を振るった」 ES: Prickly and violent. He attacked me. ミコト　「それは……なんかごめん」 MIKOTO: That… I’m kinda sorry. エス　「生まれたてで真っ直ぐだった。お前を守るためなら何でもやると、三徳も倫理も全て壊れていたが強い男だったよ。最悪の人殺しだが……不思議と嫌いじゃなかった」 ES: He was just brand new and pure. He’d have done anything to protect you. His sense of wisdom, grace, and honor were completely broken but he was a strong man. He was the worst kind of murderer… but, oddly enough, I didn’t hate him. [T/N: 三徳 (santoku) is The Three Virtues in Buddhism: wisdom, benevolence, and valor.] ミコト　「彼と会うことはできないのかな……も」 MIKOTO: Is there any way I… could also meet him? エス　「会いたくなったら会えるさ。お前の中にいる」 ES: If you want to meet him, you can. He’s inside you. ミコト　「お」 MIKOTO: oh. ミコト　「ロマンチストだね、看守くん」 MIKOTO: You’re such a romantic, Warden-kun. エス　「あいつはお前の中から生まれたものだから」 ES: He was born from within you, after all. ミコト　「そうだろうけど。話を聞いている限り似ても似つかないよ」 MIKOTO: I guess. As far as I’ve heard, we’re nothing alike. エス　「あいつの強さも元はお前の中にあるものだ。空気読まずにぶち壊せる力だって、お前の中に見つけることができるんじゃないか？」 ES: His strength also originated from within you. That power to smash things without a care for the situation— Don’t you think you’d be able to find it within yourself, too?

(MIKOTO laughs softly.) ミコト　「いや。わかんないね。だとしても、人を殺しちゃうくらいの暴力性も持ってるってことだろ」 MIKOTO: Nah. I dunno about that. Even with all that, it means there’s enough violence inside to kill someone, right? エス　「お前がいたら、そうはならないだろ」 ES: If you were there, now that wouldn’t happen, would it? ミコト　「えっ」 MIKOTO: Eh? エス　「お前たち二人で生きていけばいい。消えたんじゃない。もともとお前の中にいるし、今もお前の中にいる」 ES: The two of you should just go on living together. He didn’t disappear. He’s been inside you from the start and he’s still inside you now. ミコト　「看守くん」 MIKOTO: Warden-kun. (The clock in the room chimes.) エス　「お別れの時間だ、ミコト」 ES: It’s time to say goodbye, Mikoto. ミコト　「うん。そっか。ありがとう」 MIKOTO: Yeah. It is. Thank you. ミコト　「言われたことを考えてみるよ」 MIKOTO: I’ll think about what you said. エス　「あ」 ES: Mhm. ミコト　「僕はどうなるんだろうこれから」 MIKOTO: I wonder what’s gonna happen to me from now on. エス　「わからない」 ES: I have no idea. ミコト　「そっか」 MIKOTO: I see. ミコト　「看守くんはどうするの」 MIKOTO: What are you gonna do, Warden-kun? エス　「ふむ……」 ES: Hm… エス　「僕はもう一人のお前から学んだことがあるんだ」 ES: I’ve learned something from the other you. ミコト　「もう一人の僕から？」 MIKOTO: From the other me? エス　「気に入らないものはぶっ壊す」 ES: If you don’t like something, destroy it. ミコト　「え？」 MIKOTO: Eh? エス　「僕は、ミルグラムを壊したい」 ES: I want to destroy MILGRAM. ミコト　「え⁈」 MIKOTO: Huh?! エス　「乗り越えなければいけないものはたくさんある。でもなんとかする。なんとかしてみせる」 ES: There are many things I’ll have to overcome. But I’ll figure it out. I’ll show you I can. (MIKOTO laughs lightly.) ミコト　「すごいな？もう一人の僕」 MIKOTO: Isn’t that amazing? Right, other me? (ES lets out an amused sound.)

エス　「あいつもここで出会った僕の友人だから」 ES: He, too, is a comrade I met here. ミコト　「じゃあ、看守くんがここを壊すんなら、元の場所に帰った時のこと考えないとな？」 MIKOTO: So… If Warden-kun is gonna tear this place down, don’t you need to think about what’ll happen when you go back to where you came from? エス　「そうだな？」 ES: I guess? エス　「どうするんだ？元の場所に帰ったら」 ES: How about you? What are you gonna do once you go back? ミコト　「自主かな。いや、するまでもないか。ずいぶん派手にやったわけだし、仮に精神疾患が認められても、まるっと無罪なんてないでしょ。ちゃんと罪を償うよ」 MIKOTO: Voluntarily surrender, probably. No, wait- Maybe there’s no need for that. I’ve caused quite a mess after all. Even if it's recognized that I have a mental illness, there’s no way I’d be able to get a full acquittal. I’ll be sure to atone for my crimes. エス　「僕は、お前が言っていた言葉に、答えを出せていない。記憶が全くない状態で犯した罪は罪なのか」 ES: I still haven’t found an answer to what you said. Is a crime committed while having absolutely no memory of it still a crime? ミコト　「うん。本当に僕は知らなかったからね」 MIKOTO: Yeah. In reality, it’s that I really didn’t know. ミコト　「そんな理不尽なことあるかよ。そう思って認められなかった」 MIKOTO: How can something so irrational be possible? It’s why I couldn’t really accept it. エス　「お前の気持ちは当然だと思う」 ES: I think your feelings are perfectly natural. ミコト　「僕だって答えが出てないさ。わからないし、答えも出ない。でも何を言ったって僕のせいで人は死んでる。たとえ、もう一人の僕のせいだったとしても、見て見ぬふりできない」 MIKOTO: I haven’t found an answer either. I don’t understand it and I’m not finding it. But no matter whatever you say, people died because of me. Even if it was the other me’s fault, I can’t just turn a blind eye. エス　「ミコト……」 ES: Mikoto… ミコト　「もう一人の僕も……僕だから。一緒に償うよ。そうしてみたいと思ったんだ」 MIKOTO: The other me… is still me, after all. I’ll atone with him. That’s what I think I want to do.

Bonus: What was it like for the souls during the end of TP, when Asriel got the monster souls too? Did the aforementioned experiments play into them not wanting to stick around, when it was clearly an option for Clover?

In regular UT, I imagine that they immediately woke up under Flowey's control. And since I love my personalized torture chambers, he tricked each one into helping him fight Frisk using their insecurities or fears.

Example: Patience soul

Well everyone except Clover, who I hc he tried to convince instead of trick. But then Clover turns against him, realizing that he's lying to them (and maybe has been this whole time). I'd like to make a proper comic of that (and the other souls) someday. But here's a shorter version.

I imagine you're asking about my Heart of Gold AU. Clover convinced Flowey to spare Ginger/the kindness soul. Unfortunately for Clover, it didn't stop everyone else from turning on them and Flowey.

As for the other souls in Asriel's fight, I hc that it's similar to what the monsters experienced, being in a confused state until Asriel brings them out to apologize and say goodbye. (Another series of comics I'd like to make but probably won't be able to ://) I feel like Asriel wouldn't be able to bring them back. In universe, it's because their bodies decayed and his god magic wears off when he loses his powers. Meta-wise, I don't like the idea of the humans coming back since it undermines the tragedy of what Asgore did. I like the more grey idea of monsters having to move on with that stain on their past.

But here's my reasons for why they didn't decide to stay with a monster or something:

So uh yeah. RIP.

To this day, I still have no idea what Beloved truly is (even though that's the whole point of her character). Most people write her off as just the ghost of Sethe's daughter, but in actuality, it's way, way more complicated than that. Morrison said once that Beloved represented every beloved person lost during the middle passage or due to the violence of slavery. This shows very well in Beloved's characterization. Yes, her core person is Sethe's daughter but there's also a lot of vindictiveness in her being. At first, she's mentally just a little girl wanting the warmth of her mother but then she turns mean and cruel, upset at being mercy-killed. Beloved's obsession with sugar kinda baffled me, but I guess many of the spirits within her used to work sugar plantations in the West Indies and since they weren't allowed to partake in the crop they grew, they're demanding it now through Beloved.

For the sake of discussion, let's settle on Beloved being the manifestation of every person forced to endure the trauma of slavery. Beloved craves. They crave the life denied them and crave some kind of compensation. They're angry, upset, restless, vengeful. Ghosts are theorized to be imprints left by the living and Beloved is all the imprints of African slaves rolled into one. She demands love from Sethe, sex from Paul D, companionship from Denver. In the end, she becomes a void sucking away at Sethe, a reminder that the past is easy to get trapped in and haunted by.