Everything I Make Is Ok To Reblog. I Don’t Care.

Being insane but cognitively aware of how insane you are is a special kind of hell because you know that you aren't normal and you can pinpoint the behaviors that label you as other and make people kinda go quiet and twitchy around you but you can't change them or your neurosis so you're stuck in a brutal cycle of trying to emulate normal people and failing horribly cus you know in theory how normal people look and act but in practice you can never change what you are and everyone else knows it too and this goes on forever until you die

i feel like i was never meant to be a person on such a fundamental level. and like even other people who struggle with functioning and fitting in seem to find a routine that works for them and a circle of people that they connect with somehow whereas for me it's just like. month in month out the same cycles no matter what therapist i try or how much i push myself outside of my comfort zone nothing ever sticks or clicks into place

yoy all just hate me because I'm cold and distant and don't put effort into any relationships and off putting and frustrating to try to help or make plans with and I don't text and I don't call and I don't like doing much and I constantly make excuses for it all