Dysfunctional Dragons

There are more of us than we realized bc we forgot to count 😂😭

It was our community.

And we can’t go back, likely ever. Idk if we want to.

We weren’t allowed to fo last year, and rn is when it was happening. We just quit the discord server (partly so Styx can stop torturing emself by reading our ex’s messages)

But we’re just sad. Camp was so important and we want the community we could have had. We miss the nights in our cabin, staying up way too late, playing board games and riding the golf cart and singalongs and the terrifying zip line and the freedom to be ourself and being hilariously bad at archery and teasing our counselors and making friends. We miss the bad parts too, struggling to talk and the canoes and standing in line.

We’re lonely, too.

However, i’ve found thinking abut us like we’re in a dnd party helps with not comparing us?

Hear me out.

If we were in a dnd party, our sibling would be the strategist. They make a plan, advise the leader. We’d park them a rooftop with a bow, bc they’re the sniper. They’re also really good at fighting physically, and would make a good backup/powerhouse.

We, (styx speficially) are not that, we have an entirely different skill set. While we’re good at planning, we’re much better at thinking on our feet. (i can’t remember which class we’d be lol) we’re charming and smart, we’d think our way out of the situation via charm and improv. (our sibling is also good at this, we just somewhat excel.) we’d be a sword fighter, quick wit and stabby weapons are our favorite combo. We’d be an advisor as well, but we’d be sent in on the front lines and probably as a negotiator or backup.

Man, saying good things about ourself is weird.

All this is to say, we have two different roles and skillsets, and comparing your sniper to your up close and personal stabby person is kinda dumb.

my friends: are all loving understanding people who reassured me it’s fine and we can just rechesdule/change the plans

we might be dead now

seriously I can’t feel my legs I can use them but can I use them??

And it just kind of clicked. That’s why things that shouldn’t hurt do. Why we’ve felt so hurt by joking gestures.

The people who have hurt us did’t respect us, and so it wasn’t funny.

Both of our bffs have made similar jokes at our expense before. One hurt, one didn’t. Bc one of our bffs, we felt respected by. The other, we didn’t (and still don’t entirely do)

This is kind of stupid. But. We were talking with someone recently and they said ’there is no thing about height, that’s just you being judgey.’

We don’t judge anyone else for their height, although sometimes we do tease our friends. But we've had people say to us how they wished they were as tall as us or how they want to be taller.

We do have to unravel this feeling of insecurity tied to our height, but it’s because of being teased for being short (we’re 5’7 but our friend is 6’4) and small.

The other part of it is our deep anxiety and sort of PTSD. We don’t want to feel small and physically vulnerable. We’ve been told that we wouldn’t be able to fight anyone because we’re small (which has led s to try to prove it and we overcompensate by pointing out how fast we are with our reflexes and kicking and punching) andthat’s scary.