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washing machine time to human time converter online

*introducing myself to the guards who caught me* seized to meet you

I love jaywalking with another pedestrian lol we’re unionized

This is not cool as you think it is. and if you find this post relatable/funny you should get your acts checked lol. And it’s always americans doing unnecessary dumb shit

don't be mean to yourself that's you

you live there

Image description: Stylized gouache painting showing a colorful grid of 9 banned or restricted objects: vaccine vial and syringe, a COVID mask, a bottle of PrEP, an IUD, a passport, a condom, a porn magazine, HRT vials, and a can of "soup for my family" Note: taken from the tweet above.

This post has soup in it!! Very good.

if you aren't best friends with your lover and a little bit in love with all your friends than what's the fucking point

It’s so annoying when I say I have an irrational fear or a phobia and people try to logic me out of it. I just told you that it’s irrational.

I am on my period and splurged and got myself tikka masala and they did not include rice in my order and only gave me two pieces of naan and I will not lie to you, that was almost enough to move me to tears. Such an inconsequential inconvenience in the world we live in but it produced this wave of sorrow within me and reminded me God is not interested in removing his boot from my neck any time soon.

every time i see a woman i’m like good for her. coolest girl alive

this was meant to say every time i see a woman riding a skateboard but also yes

if you hate jazz you will die and go to hell

if you hate rap you will also die and go to hell

if you hate blues you will also also die and go to hell

the thing is they really do let you hit because you're goofy.

i say shit like "whuh oh!" and it makes girls want to kiss me under moonlight for some reason