egglover34

me, continuing to look at a screen despite having a headache: OUCH my brain… OUCH my brain… OUCH my brain… OUCH my brain… OUCH my brain… OUCH my brain… OUCH my brain… OUCH my brain…

must I “get a job” and “earn money?” is it not enough to just eat fruit and love women.......

once u start thinking “oh i think i need to sit down in the shower for a little while” it’s literally all down hill from there

Best customer I’ve ever had was when some rich white cape cod lady in a floor length fur coat came into my store and asked her daughters what sweated pants were and how to wear them and her daughters kept trying to explain what sweat pants were to her and she was completely and utterly flummoxed by them

She asked if sweat pants are bisexual and her daughter was like “unisex?” and she was like “sure”

am a big fan of the relationship dynamic that is "scary powerful lady falls in love with total himbo because he's too dumb to be intimidated by her but drinks enough respect women juice on the regular to be very impressed by and genuinely supportive of everything she does"

I’m the guy from the lady and the tramp who gives stray dogs pasta and stands in an alleyway playing an accordion for them

Lmao

omg

She wrecked him instead

oh to be a sexy gay vampire sitting in my victorian neo-gothic home relaxing by a fireplace with my fellow sexy vampire lover