Fuck It

Zuckerberg: *licks his own eyeball*

This is not my story.  This was told to me by a woman I knew from work several years ago; she’s a very sweet nurse.

Nurse graduated from nursing school and decided with her friend to move to one of the cities that was listed as having “the most eligible bachelors” from some publication. She moves and starts dating her future husband.

Future Husband’s mother is a viper and decides Nurse is not good enough for her family.  The  happy couple eventually get engaged and future mother-in-law is having none of it.   Tries for several months to break them up; tries to convince Nurse to go back where she came from and simultaneously tries to gently convince her precious son that Nurse may not be good for him.

To add some more context to this situation, this MIL is pretty nasty to Nurse but hides it well to other people, always making sure she’s super (fake) sweet to everyone when others are around.

Finally wedding plans are set so MIL gets desperate.  She gets Nurse alone with a “generous” offer: leave fiance and never come back in exchange for $10,000 (note: this was almost 30 years ago so I guess it was kind of a shitload of money for most).

Nurse is so sick of this woman’s shit and is incredibly insulted. However, she’s intelligent and maintains her composure.  Nurse accepts the offer.

Nurse takes the money, does not leave, and gets married anyway. Nobody else knows about this.

MIL cannot say or do anything about it without exposing herself to her family as a horrible person.

Nurse and husband are still happily married; their kids are grown; husband still has no idea this went down.

Destroying Christmas Trees: Self defense, I mean the tree attacked them. 

Scratching their owner’s eyeball: Self defense. 

Scratching their sleeping owner’s face: Self defense. 

Jumping on their owner’s back and clawing into their spine: Self defense. 

Admittedly yeah 

A dog doesn’t do those things because a dog’s version of self defense is to be a good animal who loves you and doesn’t attack you unless you attack them first. 

Destroying Christmas Trees: Cats like to climb things. They’re not doing it to spite you.

Scratching their owner’s eyeball: Probably an accident, due to overstimulation when playing. It wasn’t trying to hurt you. Don’t anthropomorphize animals by attributing spite to them. Animals don’t do spite the way that humans do.

Scratching their sleeping owner’s face: Trying to rouse you with its paw, probably gently, because it loves you and wants to play with you.

Jumping on their owner’s back and clawing into their spine: Come on. If a cat is jumping on you, it loves you and wants to be close to you. Digging in with its claws is how it balances itself on an unstable surface and is purely a reflexive reaction. It isn’t intending to hurt you.

I was cleaning out my computer and I found a bunch of screenshots of text posts from 2013-2014. The golden age of tumblr.