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Recovering from Alcoholism is more than just getting off and staying off the sauce. Recovery for me has also entailed learning to feel again, and not trying to escape every emotion I have. It’s been about realizing that my destructive behavior was not just self destructive but inter-personally destructive, and that it isn’t okay to just be alone. Building a new support system from nothing is hard. Finding people willing to let you back into their lives after you’ve burned them so hard is a massive task, and most of them, rightly so, won’t ever want you back around, just as difficult is making new relationships because, like it or not, the person who came out of the bottle isn’t the same person who went into it to begin with. You’ve changed, you’re different now, and you’ve got more baggage than you had before. The hardest thing to overcome really, was accepting that the people who left and refused me once I began to recover had good reason to not let me back in, to accept that MY choices and MY actions forced them to leave and that I am not a victim. Once I was able to do that, I was able to try to make friends again. I honestly don’t think you’re ever done recovering from being an alcoholic, because what you lose while you’re down in that bottle are things you can’t ever get back--and I think that’s where people stumble and fuck up--thinking they can ever go back. You can’t, but what you can do is go forward and make something new and, hopefully, something better. P.S. Never be scared to ask for help. Never be ashamed to go to meetings. Never be scared to cry. Never feel bad for screaming. Never be scared to call your sponsor. Never believe you’re undeserving of love. Never. Give. Up. “YES. YES. YES. I. CAN. WIN. I. CAN. DO. THIS.” ---Piccolo, Dragon Ball