dudedontdoit

“The city that lasts like blood on the bitten tongue”

Jaane ke baad jo sannatta ghere baitha hai,

You never knew we loved— and I’ve let go

I linger over your photos a second longer than I should

If you could take it all back— I’m not sure you would

I wish to love you first in every version of this tale

Mai band khidkiyo se usse khojti rehti hu

Mujh hi me ek aur mai rehti hu

Ek mai ziddi chattan, dusri nadi si behti hu

Kaun hu, kaise batau?

I had to be there to be loved”

In my room, only my hatred loves me

All alone with one loathsome face to see

No amount of screaming at God can get me heaven now

Remember how I broke all my sacred vows?

Remember how I threw it all away in one moment of doubt?

If my brain says they hate me, how can love sprout?

I want to be loved so bad it almost makes me unravel

I scrape temple doors in my sleep and end up with gravel

Bloody fingers holding on to each other

But the moment someone reaches out, I stutter

I pretend love is vulgar, too cheap for me

Like I don’t spend my nights begging for it on my knees

But to be loved, I have to be known

Nothing in the world hurts more than love

But nothing heals you better when you’ve lost all hope

If not for all the arms to shatter in, I could never have coped

I’m so glad that my life is over because now I can begin again

Let of of the hurt and hold all that remains

When all the love I gave was spurned

When I lost myself— this is what I learned

You’ll always be loved though you won’t always know

Even when despair seeps into your eyes and kills their glow

Love needn’t be begged for, tinged with fear of loss

True love stays with you even if you’re hurt and cross

Happiness was a long time coming but it’s here at last

Moving on into a future of peace— for the storm has passed

I feel as if the warmth’s finally returning to my bones

I almost break my spine from stretching

To not look as small as I feel

I tried to stop the sand in hourglasses

But time is not a friend

So I watch as it falls

As it mocks my unreadiness

I was scared of eighteen and didn’t even notice twenty one

I was so sure of the world now I don’t even know what to mourn

The happy girl skipping on cobblestones

Who believed in friendships and herself

Who thought In an empty city, people could be home

Full of laughter and love and the warmth of hugs

Or the one who knew

Who she was and who she could be

Now I shrink myself so small, afraid to be seen

Growing up is so many knives in your back

Flimsy bandaids falling off your deepest cracks

At eighteen, I wanted the world

Happiness and success and people to love

At twenty one, I beg the sky for peace

Not happy but at least for the pain to cease

I lived my whole life in three years

Felt the world and met all my fears

I want to go home and tell my mom she was right

This is no place for a little girl