Drow Humor

“Was it like that?” Kimmuriel asked.

Zaknafein took a step toward the psionicist, his swords coming into his hands.

Jarlaxle was fast to intercept him.

“If he ever does that again…” Zak said, pointing one sword over Jarlaxle’s shoulder at the distant Kimmuriel.

“It wasn’t—” Jarlaxle started to say, but Zak cut him off, his outrage too great to hear anything above the blood pounding in his ears.

“I will kill you,” Zak promised. “Do not ever slip into my mind again, because I will kill you!”

“It wasn’t him!” Jarlaxle yelled in Zak’s face. “He acted on my command.”

Before he could think of anything to reply, Zaknafein drove his forehead into Jarlaxle’s face, knocking the rogue back two steps. Zak brought his swords in and got slammed brutally, more powerfully than he had ever imagined possible, a wave of energy that scrambled his brain and had his legs shaking wildly, his swords dropping from his hands.

“Enough, enough,” he heard Jarlaxle say, but suddenly from far, far away. He saw the stone floor of the corridor coming and thought it would probably hurt.

Surprisingly, though, he didn’t feel a thing, at least not until he woke up sometime later, sitting against a wall, Jarlaxle sitting across from him.

“You need to stop that,” Jarlaxle told him. “Yes, I told Kimmuriel to do that to you, and yes, I understand the violation involved. Of course I do. Why do you think I wear this eyepatch, after all? We needed to know.”

“Was it the same?” Kimmuriel asked from back and to the side.

Zak glared at him.

this part is so fucking funny i’m in stitches?? kimmuriel not even twitching at zaknafein threatening to kill him until he attacks jarlaxle. zak fucking headbutting jarlaxle as a first response to being yelled at. jarlaxle just casually sitting there like zaknafein didn’t Reflexively Violence at him and didn’t need to get brain-tasered until he passed out

the fact this was all entirely avoidable if they had talked about it for five seconds

It’s as if he’s thinking: “Yes, yes, alright, you both want to have a sword measuring contest now, but could we focus on what’s important, please?”