₊˚ ✧ 🕸 zᶻ ;

"Oh, oh, one more thing…" You jump in. "There was this shop I wanted to check out. It just opened, and I was wondering if we could stop by after. It's right next to the restaurant anyway." You pause for second, "If not, it's no big deal. It's just that we're in the area, and…" You slowly trail off.

Dick nodded, "Of course!" Spend more time with you? Absolutely. "We can even go to that one dessert place you really like." He doubles down.

You gasp, "Oh my gosh that's a fantastic idea." He can hear your glee even through the phone. "Y'know this almost sounds like a date." You muse thoughtfully.

Dick's palms feel sweaty, he swallows, praying his voice sounds normal when he responds. "Really? Huh." He runs a hand through his hair. "I suppose it does, doesn't it?"

You chuckle, "Well if it was then it sounds like it'll be a good date."

Dick hates how hopeful he sounds. "Really..?"

You're grinning at the screen, Dick can picture your face. "Planning on doing this again with another girl?" You tut. "Can't believe I've been reduced to a trial run."

Dick furrows his eyebrows, "What? No this is not- a 'trial run''—" he huffs at the inane idea, "what other girl would I even ask?" He pauses, listening to your quiet snickering. He sighs, "You…" He rubs his temples, "Don't answer that."

"I wasn't." Your mischievous tone tells him otherwise.

"Yeah," Dick exhales, amused, "okay."

"Anyway, I gotta go. I'll catch you on Saturday, yeah?" He can hear you walking.

"Yeah, I'll see you then." He smiles, casually relaxing his weight against the doorframe. His next words were automatic. "Love you."

Immediately, pure unadulterated horror situates itself into his gut. Did he just declare his love for you over a phone call? There's a moment of silence before Dick breaks it. "Oh my God," he whispers to himself, but he knows you can hear it. "Sorry, I didn't mean—" he huffs, running his fingers through his hair. "I… Sorry. It's… It's been a long day. I didn't mean that."

"You didn't mean that?" You sound offended, "I was gonna say love you too, but if it's like that then—"

Dick rushes to correct himself. "I didn't mean it like that. I meant it more as… friendly… love." Dick blatantly lies lamely.

"Friendly love." You repeat unimpressed, Dick can hear you repressing your amusement.

"Yeah, like love… but as friends." He continues.

You snort, "Alright."

Dick groans, "You're never gonna let that go are you?"

"Nope," you chirp. "Sending my 'friendly love' to you, Dick. I'll see you Saturday." You hang up the call before Dick gets a chance to respond.

He sits down on his mattress, pressing his palms up to his eyes as he hunched over. Why did he say that? The words had left his mouth before he even had time to mull over the consequences of uttering them to you. He slowly opens his eyes, looking down at his phone on the left side of his mattress, your contact pulled up. He slowly picks up the device, chuckling at his own embarrassment.

Worse thing is, he'd say them again in a heartbeat if you'd ask.

Jason Todd

"Could you grab those chips I like from the store too?" You ask.

Jason grunts as he punches another goon off the catwalk in the building he was busting. "Yeah-" you hear the distance screams of the goon, wincing in sympathy, "anything else?"

"Uhh…" You lean back in your chair in your shared apartment with Jason. "Nah, I think that's it." You hear gunfire as Jason's heavy breathing drowns out the rest of your thoughts. "Actually, could you get chocolate too? The bars. I wanna use it for baking."

"Don't we already have chocolate chips?" Jason presses his boot into the face of another goon before knocking him out cold.

"Yeah, but I wanna try something different. I've seen some people say that chopping up the bars and putting that into the dough is better than the chips." You gently pet Dog as she thumps her tail happily against you.

"How would it be better?" Jason asks, momentarily distracted as a goon attempts to stab him with a knife. "Hey!" He snaps to the goon causing you to jolt at the sudden spike in volume. "Sorry about that." He huffs, lowering his voice back to a reasonable tone.

"No worries, and I have no clue why it'd be better. That's why I wanna test it." You shift your phone to your other hand, halting Dog's pets. She looks up at you imploringly. "Aww, aren't you just the cutest." You baby voice Dog as she attempts to lick your face. Gently, you hold her away, making sure that your phone is still up against your ear.

Jason pauses, furrowing his eyebrows as his guns lay laxly in his hands. He purses his lips behind the mask. The cutest? You've never called him that. Out of the thousands of adjectives out there, he wouldn't use "cutest" to describe himself. He clears his throat awkwardly, "Uh, yeah… I can go get the chocolate for you." He stands awkwardly around the unconscious bodies surrounding him.

"Thanks, Jason. I appreciate it." You give up trying to hold the phone up to your ear with your shoulder, instead turning it to speaker mode.

"Yeah, for sure." He attempts to sound casual. Does he have to compliment you now? Is that what the logical next step is? What does he say? He doesn't want to sound creepy. This is the biggest step either of you have taken in your… relationship? He isn't even sure what your relationship could be considered.

"Alright, see you in a few. Thanks, Jay."

Jason panics. He wants to make sure you know he's interested too. What if you think that by him not saying any compliment back he doesn't like you? He has to say something, anything.

"Yeah, love you. See ya soon."

Fuck. That was not what meant.

"Fuck," he mutters softly, and your laughter rings in his ears. "Sorry. I didn't mean to say that."

Your laughter grows louder, and Jason attempts to steel the growing mortification. The only sounds he hears are the low breeze of air conditioning in the warehouse he cleared and your laughter.

"Sorry, sorry—" you laugh more, "It's just— I'm not laughing at you." You force yourself to calm down.

Jason lets out an amused huff, "Kinda feels like you are."

"No, no! I think it's sweet. I just wasn't expecting it." Your soft chuckles return. "Love you too, Jay. Thank you."

He swallows, his throat dry. "Yeah," he responds lamely. This was not how it was supposed to go.

"Alright, bye for real now. Dog says bye as well!" You scratch Dog gently behind her ear.

Jason smiles, "Tell her I say bye." The call hangs up.

Wait…

"Aww, aren't you just the cutest."

He leans his body against the handrail of the catwalk, exhaling slowly.

Fuck, you weren't talking to him.

Tim Drake

"Please?"

You sigh, "No, Tim."

"Please I have nobody else to ask."

"Then that sucks for you, but I am not going to pretend to be your girlfriend for one dinner." You flop onto your bed, your body sprawled out on it.

It's silent for a beat.

"…So what I'm hearing is that two dinners is okay?"

"Tim." You groan, rubbing your temples.

"Okay, fine, one dinner…" He pauses for a moment, "and maybe a gala."

You narrow your eyes at the ceiling, "Who are you negotiating with right now? I didn't even say yes to the first dinner, and you want me to go to a gala?" You sigh. "This wouldn't even work, your family has already met me before. They aren't gonna believe it if we just start magically dating tonight."

"Sure they will! We just gotta sell it." He says like it's the easiest thing in the world.

"No. I am not selling anything. I'm never going to be able to show my face at Wayne Manor again." You sit up, moving over to rest your back on the headboard.

"You don't even come that often." Tim argues, but it's quieter than his other arguments.

"That's not my point, Tim. How am I going to look Bruce in the eye and go 'Yeah, sorry I lied to you about dating your son. Anyway, can I come in?'"

Your both silent for a moment, "Honestly, not the worst thing he's heard." He shrugs.

"Tim."

"Okay, fine, well the alternative is we keep it up for a normal amount of time." He proposes.

You furrow your eyebrows, "And how long is that?"

He pauses, "I don't know, maybe a month or two?"

Your eyebrows raise so far up you wonder if they touch your hairline, mouth parting in surprise. "You cannot be serious. You said one dinner."

"And a gala." He adds.

"Don't get ahead of yourself." You quip back dryly. "How does one dinner equal up to two months of fake dating?"

"Well, you'd just have to attend one dinner. Then we could make excuses for the rest. I'll just keep telling them we're dating." Tim explains, and you can't help but laugh.

"Great, so I only have to be with you publicly for a dinner, but outside we can just continue to be friends?" You close your eyes. You cannot actually be considering this, right? Is this what best friends do for one another?

"Yep," Tim confirms. "I promise it won't be that bad. They'll probably just ask some questions about how we got together."

You sigh, "If we do this… You're going to make the story of how we got together."

You can almost hear him nod, "Of course, but we'll have to make sure we have it memorized. Can't get our details mixed up."

Chuckling, you shake your head, "You act like they're going to interrogate me if I go through with this."

His silence isn't reassuring.

"Wait, they won't do that, right?" You frown.

"…I can't say that they won't not do it."

"Inspiring confidence you got there."

"Please," he says your name.

You sigh, despite your hesitance, you owe Tim a lot. He hasn't been a bad friend to you, and you suppose the good thing to do would be to return the favor.

Even if that means getting into a fake relationship with him.

"Fine." You relent.

"Really?" He sounds breathless, and too hopeful. "Even the gala?"

You raise an eyebrow, but a smile grows on your face, "I didn't say that, but…" You sigh, "I won't be buying my dress for that if that's what you're asking." You know that people spends thousands of dollars on dresses for galas like this, and you aren't going to be one of them. It's Tim's fault you're going anyway.

"Yes, of course, obviously. Thank you, thank you, thank you." You can hear him shuffling through the phone, and you wonder if he's immediately going to start fabricating your love story. His next words spill out of his mouth so quickly you wonder if he even thought about them before speaking. "You are my favorite person right now, I love you."

There's a long pause where both of you just stare at nothing.

"You didn't hear that." Tim states, you wonder if he's trying to convince himself.

Your mouth parts in surprise, but quickly turns into a smirk. "Wow, bit soon into our relationship for that don't you think?"

He groans, "Wait, I meant it like— like practice. We got to make it sound natural during the real deal." Tim stumbles over his words.

You grin, leaning back into your bed, "I don't think your family will ask us to profess our love to one another at dinner."

"You never know." Tim's voice is quiet.

You huff, "Fair enough, but I doubt it. Do I have to practice saying it too?"

"Hm," he pauses, "it'd probably be the smart thing to do."

You roll your eyes at his antics before checking the time. "Alright, well I gotta go," you slowly sit up, "but I love you too… For practice reasons, of course." You grin.

Tim doesn't respond, but you don't expect him to. Instead, you hang up the phone, content with the fact that you know you left him speechless.

After all, if you're going through with his whole charade, you might as well enjoy it.

Bruce Wayne

"Don't forget to meet with Lucius today. I have you scheduled at four." You narrow your eyes at the calendar projected on the monitor in front of you.

Bruce (he insisted you call him by his name and not "Mr. Wayne") hums into the phone. At this point in your job you've learned to classify his different responses (or lack thereof). There's the hum of "Yeah I hear you," the hum of "That's insightful of you," and finally the hum of "I'm only pretending to hear you right now."

You'd like to think this is the first option.

"I mean it." You sigh, glaring down at your phone. "He's been wanting to discuss something with you all week, and— I'm not sure how you get away with it— you've managed to evade him on five different occasions."

"I was busy." Bruce responds noncommittally. You can hear the smile in his tone, as if he's remembering those five occasions fondly.

You don't remember them with the same fondness. Each time it happened you had to make up an excuse for Bruce, something you would not wish upon anybody.

"Right," you huff. You aren't sure what Bruce could possibly have been doing that was more important than meeting with the CEO of the company you own, but to each their own you suppose. "Well I'm telling you now, make sure it's clear later on. Don't miss this, please."

Perhaps, he can hear the desperation in your tone and takes pity on you. "Not for the world."

A humorless huff escapes you, "Let's hope." You expand the calendar to view the rest of the week instead of just today. "Also, there's a board meeting on Thursday."

He sighs, and you can already tell where this is going,"Do I have to attend this one?"

You raise an eyebrow at the monitor, clicking on the meeting. "Well…" you read the details of the meeting, "As your secretary, I am obligated to say that you should attend the meeting as it is good for your image."

Bruce hums, a low tone that reverberates through your phone, "How about as a friend?"

Your eyebrows shoot up, and you're glad he can't see you. Sure, Bruce is friendly with you, and the two of you have your moments, but you've always assumed that your relationship was strictly professional (albeit a friendly professional). "As a friend?" You repeat, a smile growing on your face.

Bruce exhales slowly, and you can imagine the small smile on his face, "Yeah."

You look down at your phone, sighing, but your smile never falling. "Well as your friend…" You open the details of the meeting, looking at whose attending. "I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you," he says your name, and his relief is palpable.

You nod slowly, "I said I'll see what I can do. Don't think you're out of the woods just yet, Bruce."

He huffs, "I have faith in you."

Huh.

That is a lot less reassuring than he likely intended it to be. Now the weight of his (potential) disappointment rests heavy on your shoulders.

"Appreciated." You respond dryly. "However, if anything pops up in the next few days, you have to attend those meetings."

"That's acceptable." He concedes.

"Alright, I'll send you the details Lucius wanted me to."

He hums, "Thank you. What would I do without you?" He asks, and you chuckle quietly to yourself.

"Probably deal with an angry Lucius at four…" You copy over some details of Lucius' email, before sending it over to Bruce, "and a board meeting on Thursday." You tack on.

He laughs at your comment, "Well, it's a good thing I have you then…" You hear somebody yell in the background, and the casual atmosphere is gone. "I got to go." He mutters quietly, you wonder if you were meant to hear it. "Thanks for the update, love you." The words were distracted, mind clearly elsewhere.

For a moment you don't even process the words, and it seems like he doesn't either. Then a solid five seconds pass, and then the silence looms over you both. You blink at your phone, wondering if he hung up, but the call is still running. Do you say anything? What do you even say to that?

He clears his throat, and you wince at the loud sound. "…Forget I said anything."

You nod slowly, "Of course, Bruce." You definitely will not forget this.

There is a long stretch of silence, before he speaks up again. "Goodbye," he says your name, and you idly note the cadence he is speaking is off.

"Goodbye, Bruce." You return, hiding a smile to yourself.

You put your phone down, before turning to face your coworker on your left. Grinning, you slide your chair over to her. You trust her not to say anything, and you can't keep silent about what just happened. She raises an eyebrow, leaning closer to hear you better.

"You will not believe what Mr. Wayne just told me."

A/N: Happy Valentines Day everybody! I know my recent works have been shorter than normal, and I would like to apologize for that. I've been really busy, but I still wanted to get something out for you all on Valentines even if it's really short. Don’t worry, I’m still working on my other fics. I’m sorry it’s taking so long :(. Also, first time writing Bruce yayyy. Expect more in the future (when I actually get to writing more lol).

ALSO ALSO, if you're reading this like "bro why wasn't I tagged" it's because I'm not really considering this a fic. It's more of just... snippets? I dunno. I guess it kinda is, but in my eyes it isn't… If that makes sense?? I'll be going back and editing the taglist form to add an option for getting tagged for posts like this. If you don't want to submit a whole new form, just DM me, leave a comment on my DC masterlist, or some other third option. Just let me know in some manner :)!