Apples and Axes

the first step of my quest was to look up recipes for thai iced tea; most called for a combination of cheap black tea, a bunch of whole spices that seemed tricky and uneconomical for me to get my hands on, and red food coloring, plus the sweetened condensed milk and half-and-half that are standard add-ins when serving. but I found a tea blend that promised it all in one (except the milk), and a recipe that, when I skimmed it, seemed to call for such a tea blend—they even mentioned the same brand as one of the teas they'd recommend if their top choice is unavailable.

I ordered the goods. they arrived. today was the day to make my tea dreams come true.

I followed the instructions as written: boil 4 cups of water, add 1 cup of thai tea mix and 3/4 cup of sugar, simmer for 3 minutes, then remove from heat and allow to steep for half an hour before you strain it. I waited. I ran out to buy coffee filters because I forgot how straining works. I came back. the house smelled amazing. it probably took a little longer than 30 minutes in all, but that was no big deal—after all, the recipe said the more concentrated the tea was, the better it would be!

straining it took a weirdly long time. I went through 4 or 5 coffee filters! and at the end I only had like, maybe 2 cups of a near-opaque, viscous black fluid that seemed to absorb all the light in the room. here it is held directly in front of a lamp:

but hey, it smelled exactly like thai tea! I'd nailed it! and as the recipe author herself said:

I poured up the requisite one cup or so in a glass, added ice and half-and-half, and took the first sip. and it was thai tea! except, for some reason, it made the hair stand up on the back of my neck and triggered a faint ringing in my ears? but all the sugar and milk really mellows out the flavor, so I still had about four sips total before my body fully caught up and began to respond as though I'd just downed the same number of shots of espresso.

it was at this moment that I, as someone who is more sensitive to caffeine than the average bear, began to suspect maybe, just maybe, I had fucked up.

the recipe called for "1 cup of thai tea." the tea I ordered online came in individual tea sachets, so I tore them open one by one and dumped the contents out until I had enough to fill a standard measuring cup. the recipe did not mention that step and at no point in that process did it occur to me that maybe, just maybe, there's a difference in the brew strength of bagged tea vs. loose leaf, and by "1 cup of thai tea," they were referring to the latter. by my count, I tore open like, 12 tea bags?

the instructions on the back of the tea tin say to brew 1 bag in 300ml of water. in yankee measurements, 300ml is 1.5 cups.

expected: 1 bag in 1.5 cups water = 2/3 bag per cup for 3-5 minutes

actual: 12 bags in 4 cups water = 3 bags per cup for 30+ minutes

so, even if we ignore the fact that a tea which has the consistency of coffee grounds has a lot more surface area than loose leaf (and thus will produce a much stronger brew), I used almost 3 times as much tea as I was supposed to, and brewed it for about ten times as long. in conclusion,

it is 6PM and i!!!!

feel!!!!!!!!

crazy!!!!!!