Moss! Moss! Moss!

But it’s interesting that Olly- the sky’s kindest most radiant star- was the one that came up with the idea to erase his own memories. He was panicked and his best friend was dying in front of him, so I’m not sitting here criticizing him for not thinking of a better solution! I just think that this decision honestly adds a lot to his character.

Olly is almost completely, selflessly kind. He’s a people pleaser at heart- he finds fulfillment in doing things for and helping the people around him. And from what we read of his backstory in the 90+ chapters, he was a gifted child with a large amount of expectations on his shoulders, from others, yes, but especially himself.

Olly operates in a way that makes it seem like he owes it to the world to serve the people in it. He is absolutely kind and hard working and giving to his core.

Which is why I find his reaction in 92-93 so intriguing. If it were anyone else, I would assume this was a kid making a rash and impulsive decision without regarding the long reaching consequences for his friend. But we’re explicitly told that Olly knows that Qifrey is the one that’s “in for it”. He describes the guilt and anxiety and fear that Qifrey will experience on his own with no hesitancy.

And ultimately this is a selfish choice. I don’t mean that in a negative or judgmental way. But this is the first and only (as far as I can remember) self-centered action we’ve seen Olly take-and I love the implications here.

Qifrey wanted to die rather than hurt Olly. He wanted to live, but not at the cost of causing Olly the same trauma he had lived through. And Olly knew. He was there for Qifreys relentless journey to reclaim his memories. He saw exactly how haunted and traumatized his friend was by it. He knew that erasing Olly’s memories would cause Qifrey irreparable harm. And he demanded it of him anyway.

Olly erasing his own memories, Qifrey restrained by the tree and unable to stop him, was a purely selfish decision. -You can’t die because I need you. You have to live like this because I want you by my side til we’re old and gray. You have to bear this alone and you have to promise you won’t give up.- and he trusted Qifrey to fulfill this promise and these needs even knowing the hurt Qifrey would feel.

Olly has spent his whole life, even after the memory erasure spell, prioritizing the needs and wants of other people. But Qifrey is the one and only person he allows himself to be selfish with. And what’s greater than a love like that? One that allows you to set down the burden of kindness and knowing that person will support you through your own needs anyways.

Olly may be Qifreys guiding light, but Qifrey is his home. Where he doesn’t have to be selfless and prioritize everyone else around him. Where he can freely ask for his needs, no matter how inconvenient they might seem, and know that Qifrey will do what he can to help him. There’s a level of deep and long reaching trust there that I can barely wrap my head around.

And Qifrey is fulfilling it! He knows how much Olly is trusting him to take care of, and he’s doing it for him to the best of his ability. He’s keeping a promise only he remembers because he’d seriously never allow himself to break the trust that Olly has given him, even when it’s this painful. And Olly, at that young age, knew that. They know and trust each other so much oh my god.

Gag 1-pager extra on AO3!