Lets Get Illuminyaty

OP is an optimist

my refrigerator w legs barrels towards me and grabs me and stuffs me into its vegetable drawer then casually walks away

Hey is

Is your refrigerator running

my refrigerator w legs is standing in the middle of your street gripping a rolling pin. are you running?

Y'all ever think about how there are just a whole bunch of sets of stairs in the middle of forests that lead nowhere

that child is now dead

uhh literally that’s not true.  according to the update this child is on the autism spectrum, and he was given the opportunity to meet the artistic director.  don’t spread misinformation.  many orchestras are becoming more inclusive and less snobby.

thanks i was worried the orchestra killed the child

detective pikachu beating endgame on the friday opening is so fucking funny to me because, like, marvel have been hyping endgame up so much and it’s the culmination of ten years and there’s been so much secrecy about the plot, and then detective pikachu literally just has a little furry friend with the voice of ryan reynolds

honestly the most realistic part in doctor who was the tv episode where david tennant says he doesnt have a tv licence and some woman’s like “Really?! They execute you for that!”

That’s honestly dystopian sounding

What is a VAT fiddle

Like a tax violin only smaller

moms be like “call me if you need me” and then leave their phone on the other side of the house charging the entire day

I hate when there’s a big ass bug in the room and someone’s like “LEAVE IT ALONE!” … why are you defending the bug for??? I don’t know what kind of stroke game this bug got cause you must be fucking it??? is that it??

i hate the term “spinal fluid” it conjures up horrible imagery in my mind

(lightly taps a spigot i have attached to my spinal column) come get y’all juice

We’ve never met and I hope it stays that way

this is the most powerful reply ive ever received 

You walked up to that house in the rain on purpose