Fenris My Beloved

Serena Hawke

Solas and Sera insult Lavellan’s culture and religious beliefs, and rejects the player for trying to talk to them about being elven.

And while Varric isn’t as hostile to Cadash as the others are, it is very clear that he harbours his own insecurities and the game doesn’t let you have any lines at all about it, save in the beginning when you are identified as Carta, and that is it. Save some lines about «real dwarves» in Hissing Wastes.

I’m going in

This is the start of how it all ever ends

They used to shout my name, now they whisper it

I’m speeding up and this is the

27. Mumbling

Prepare to board the feels train, motherfucker. 

Also, I generally roll a mix of 60% blue/30% purple/10% red Hawke and I prefer the friendmance because it gives me warm fuzzies

These are both genuinely good people who try their hardest to protect their families and just survive—they have no grandiose ideas, no illusions about romance. 

Fenris gives up everything (literally every part of himself, any little bit than Danarius could exploit or erase) to free his mother and sister from slavery. He’s tormented to extreme degrees. Hawke loses his father, then his village and a sibling to darkspawn, and another to the taint or to a deadly faction. His mother is killed by a blood mage. By Act 3 he is completely fucking alone and an entire city is looking to him for its protection. 

They’re both traumatized, both broken. Fenris needs someone who will respect his boundaries and be patient with his various PTSD complications, and Hawke needs someone who he can—but doesn’t necessarily need to—protect. 

Fenris likes that Hawke makes him laugh, sees him as a person, devotes time to him, ignores the decrepit state of his house, lets him into his home and among his circle of friends, gives him his space when he needs it. He trusts Hawke. A lot. And it shows. Just look at the expression on his face when, after killing Danarius, Hawke says “I’m here.” He’s terrified of a time when that might no longer be true. For all of his bitterness, he’s vulnerable as shit. 

They fall in love in Thedas’ biggest shithole and are pulled, against their will, into its political machinations. Hawke is a tragic accidental hero: he isn’t trying to do anything except feed his family and keep them safe, and ironically, he loses all of this. No matter what path you take he’s forced to flee Kirkwall at some point and Fenris follows. They’ve just got each other. They’re all the other has. 

Now, remember—Fenris has never known love before this, and if he has, he’s lost it. He opens himself up because he wants happiness, and wants to get better, and lead a “normal” life. He tells Hawke twice that being without him would be torture. I’m pretty fucking sure that Hawke was dead set on retiring somewhere and marrying him and keeping him sheltered from all of Thedas’ bullshit before Inquisition happened, which they both needed. 

And that’s when the templars started farming red lyrium in every corner of Fereldan and Orlais. Hawke is probably horrified because his lover is made of the stuff and having to watch Fenris die or, worse, watch him become corrupted and then be forced to kill him are fears that push him to abandon him. He leaves him alone, knowing that he himself could die, even despite the fact that Fenris told him straight-up that “I can’t bear the thought of living without you.” 

Then there’s the Fade. The physical fucking Fade. Where he’s constantly being taunted by thoughts of Fenris dying, where he’s probably wracked with guilt about not being able to save Kirkwall, or his family—where the only hope of saving Fenris is perhaps by sacrificing himself to a Nightmare. And remember. This is the PHYSICAL Fade. We don’t know what happens when you die there. Hawke doesn’t either. 

i'm listening to a compilation by danaduchy on youtube rn so

literally every fenris line bcs everyone else is YELLING and he's just speaking in his regular quiet-ish voice. king what are you saying i can't HEAR YOU

except for when hawke goes down. THEN he's loudly upset.

"hawke's down! time to panic!" (isabela)

"the tame elf is down" (varric - what the fuck omg don't call fenris that)

"your pet elf has fallen" (carver - WHAT THE FUCK OMG DON'T CALL FENRIS THAT)

"that moody mage is down" (aveline)

"ugh, can someone pick up fenris please?" (merrill)

"isabela's on the ground... appropriately" (aveline - HELLO?!?!?!?)

"merrill! oh, blood mages are so dramatic" (isabela)

"aveline has fallen?" (fenris - why is this a question babe)

"they got whatshisname, the mage" (varric - i continue to believe he doesn't know anders' name until act 3)

"the dwarf has dropped a few more feet" (sebastian)

"dear varric, please learn to parry. love, your innards" (varric)

"do you have something for this, because it hurts" (carver)

"even my teeth hurt" (anders)

"i've got so many bruises now they've got names and families" (merrill)

"ugh, i have dirt in my mouth" (sebastian)

"you're going to let me walk around injured?" (carver)

"being close to death is very bad for my morale" (isabela)

sebastian describes his wounds as "oozing" or "seeping" more than once

"i know dalish are meant to be close to the earth, but we don't mean literally" (merrill)

"i'm alright, who needs kidneys anyway" (isabela)

"hawke. varric. i think this is bad." (merrill)

"stop being you and fix me up" (carver - BABY. BABY BROTHER.)

"that really gets the blood flowing" but also "i will fight and pray for forgiveness later" but also "this is much more exciting than the chantry!" (sebastian - what is wrong with you <3)

"my face is not a shield!" (hawke)

"and they say drinking doesn't solve anything" (isabela)

"haawke i can't mooove" (sebastian)

"i'm too far away, what do you want me to do? shout at them?" (isabela)

"i'd have to fly to reach! of course, i've always wanted to learn to fly" (merrill - she's literally the funniest person ever)

"alas, no" (fenris)

"my faith is my armor! my cause is my shield!" (sebastian)

"if we kill them, we get their stuff!" (isabela)

"andraste's knees, it's like herding cats!" (isabela)

"AFRAID YET?!" (anders)

"RUN! WHILE YOU CAN!" (anders - he's so loud i love him)

"another one for me! how many have you gotten, hawke?" (varric)

"ah. a shame that you're going to die, no?" (fenris)

"you. me. and an audience. that's what this is all about!" (carver)

"may the creators have mercy on you! i certainly won't." (merrill)

"destructive forces of nature, coming up!" (anders)

"suck on a fireball!" (anders)

"NEVER TAUNT A MAGE!!!" (anders)

"a thrust, now a parry" (fenris)

"i'm gonna taunt you in elvish now! durgen'len! aravel! vallaslin!" (merrill)

"hello, i'm merrill, and i'll be your distraction." (merrill)

"I'LL SHOW YOU WHY MAGES ARE FEARED!!!" (anders)

"maker please forgive your children" followed immediately by "DID YOU SEE THAT SHOT" (sebastian)

"WANT TO SEE WHAT'S UNDER THESE ROBES?!?!?!" (anders)

"I'M RIGHT HERE! HIT ME!" (isabela)

"maker, the idiocy" (bethany)

"MAKER BLESS YOUR CHILDREN IN THEIR HOUR OF NEEEED" (sebastian)

"my weapon does nothing??" (fenris - he sounds so puzzled help)

"this is SO not working" (anders)

"if the pointy sticks don't work, try the other pointy sticks" (isabela)

"ah, dear. why doesn't anyone ever want to be nice to us?" (merrill)

"is there an end to the people who hate you?" (aveline)

"looks like we've got a few more puppies to kick" (isabela - HELLO?!?)

"take a step, kill, repeat repeat repeat" (carver)

"the hate you inspire is unfortunate" (fenris)

"another twenty steps, another batch of deaths" (anders)

"nobody seems to like you. do you get used to that?" (merrill - ouch. brutal hskfjhgksdjfhg)

They're gay. They're cute. They're sharing books. Period.