Bro, Do You Even Lit?

HAMLET

OSRIC You are not ignorant of what excellence Laertes is–

HAMLET

GHOST Revenge his foul and most unnatural murder.

HAMLET Murder!

GHOST Murder most foul, as in the best it is; But this most foul, strange and unnatural.

HAMLET Haste me to know’t, that I, with wings as swift As meditation or the thoughts of love, May sweep to my revenge.

Ghost I find thee apt; And duller shouldst thou be than the fat weed That roots itself in ease on Lethe wharf, Wouldst thou not stir in this. Now, Hamlet, hear: ‘Tis given out that, sleeping in my orchard, A serpent stung me; so the whole ear of Denmark Is by a forged process of my death Rankly abused: but know, thou noble youth, The serpent that did sting thy father’s life Now wears his crown.

HAMLET

….But if the gods themselves did see her then When she saw Pyrrhus make malicious sport In mincing with his sword her husband’s limbs, The instant burst of clamour that she made, Unless things mortal move them not at all, Would have made milch the burning eyes of heaven, And passion in the gods.’

POLONIUS

Look, whether he has not turned his colour and has tears in’s eyes. Pray you, no more.

HAMLET

Good my lord, put your discourse into some frame and start not so wildly from my affair.

HAMLET

KING CLAUDIUS O, he is mad, Laertes.

QUEEN GERTRUDE For love of God, forbear him.

HAMLET

OPHELIA Good my lord, How does your honour for this many a day?

HAMLET

OPHELIA Nay, ‘tis twice two months, my lord.

HAMLET So long? Nay then, let the devil wear black, for I’ll have a suit of sables. O heavens! die two months ago, and not forgotten yet? Then there’s hope a great man’s memory may outlive his life half a year: but, by'r lady, he must build churches, then; or else shall he suffer not thinking on, with the hobby-horse, whose epitaph is ‘For, O, for, O, the hobby-horse is forgot.’

HAMLET This?

First Clown E'en that.

HAMLET [Takes the skull]

The slithy toves: Toves are totes adorbs. And fun to watch. Don’t fight them.

The borogoves: They’re kind of stickly and gristened, so it would be neither sporting nor appetizing to hunt them. But go ahead if you really want to.

The mome raths: Yeah, okay, raths are curtible in small numbers, but when entire flates come out in the early lefting it’s just an unstuppered onscramble of grabbling and gribing. Fight raths. Do I hear a snicker-snack? :)

The Parent: They give good, stolid advice. Don’t fight your parents.

The Son: I wouldn’t even. Have you viddied well his sword arm? Do not fuck with the Son. (If you must, bring something long and vorpal and try to catch him before brillig.)

The Jubjub bird: Honestly, go for it! Seriously. Good chumbly thigh meat. Two words, though: ranged weapons. And not a thimble-bow or splitten, bring something heavy with a good, stretted bowstring on it.

The Bandersnatch: Bandersnatchi are large, gluesome, and herbivorous. Fighting them is more inconvenient than unwisable, so I’m going to back the Parent here: shun them. Shun Jinx entirely. Blandrous place for a vacation.

The Tumtum tree: what why it’s a tree I don’t