eve

It's like wanting to have our cake and eat it too, which is somewhat possible when it comes to fiction, but systems of oppression like patriarchy don't care why you like male violence, or in what form you accept it, as long as you like and accept male violence. As long as women continue to feel desirable using patriarchal dynamics, in any and every form, the system lives on.

With the popularity of booktok and smut there's been men who are absolutely disgusted yes, but only because they think women shouldn't have drives at all, or they're mad as shit about the fact that only good looking sexy men get Abusing Women Privileges. And they're disgruntled about the popularity of the bad boy trope. Like look at this random reddit example which echoes male sentiments I've been seeing absolutely everywhere

A significant other portion of men support this, because if you're a pos misogynist all you have to do is say you support women's choices to like what they want and you'll have both the opportunity to abuse them without consequence and get praised for it. If there is actually somehow a man uncomfortable with it he's gonna get reassured by thousands of feminists on how some women love getting abused!! Consent!! Feminism choice empowerment!! It's crazy out here.

There are a lot of women gloating over how mad men are over romance/smut while not realizing how we're reinventing misogyny in new desirable ways every day. And just how many men are going to take advantage of this recent boom. Misogyny is misogyny is misogyny. At the end of the day It doesn't matter that we can separate reality from fiction and that women can like certain things or that it's more nuanced than we think. The damage is done, for women as a group, it keeps us right in our patriarchal chains.

Why does nobody say this about men when it comes to these discussions? And policing? A Tumblr post in a small non mainstream community, that criticizes broad patterns is not policing. I'm not personally walking up to women and telling them to stop and feminists dont have the power to police womens sexuality the way its policed by patriarchy. And genuinely, very very few people, even feminists, are encouraging women to have 'feminist fantasies'. Even on here the only thing a lot of people bring up is the concern that this is just a another way to police women. But I'm afraid the fantasies many women have now are the accepted and patriatchally correct and expected ones.

And u did acknowledge that its popular because of internalized oppression and internalized misogyny. Should we or should we not do something like encourage better models and narratives for attraction? And encourage questioning and reconditioning? This will involve discomfort because if theres one thing absolutely everyone is resistant to questioning to its sex and fantasy related things. If it was only fantasy, it wouldnt be cause for concern, but because it mirrors oppressive structures so perfectly, and its become more and more encouraged to embrace that, it is something concerning. And yes, sex and related things form a fundamental tenet of womens oppression. If we dont encourage questioning and making healthier baseline sexuality for ourselves, how do we expect to make progress in this regard at all?

There’s not a lot of treatments, and there isn’t a single one that is for vaginismus exclusively - they’re all medications or treatments to treat symptoms, but not the causes. In fact, for a long time doctors waved off vaginismus as a purely psychological disorder in cis women.

https://www.nva.org/what-is-vulvodynia/

https://m.acog.org/Patients/FAQs/Vulvodynia?IsMobileSet=true

some of you, and i cannot stress this enough, are so incredibly fucking stupid that it’s sad. i love women, i want us to be free, and some of you truly never will be if you purposefully misinterpret valid critiques just because you want to. an album cover like this and referring to herself as a “man’s best friend” is a weird move, why? well gee i dunno let’s look at the world for five seconds, shall we? on top of that, yall think that just because she says “haha im a man hater” suddenly dismisses how much she absolutely adores males and appealing to them in both her music and her behavior.

Myth 1: Regulation/Legalization makes prostitution safe

If that would be the case it would be safe or safer in countries where it is already legalized but it isn't. Murder rates are higher in countries that have legalized prostitution than in those following the Nordic Model. For most women, proving rape is already difficult; for prostituted women, it is even harder. Since sex is considered their service, Johns face little risk of consequences, allowing violence against them to persist as they know they have nothing to worry about.

Read more in these articles:

MYTH: Regulation makes prostitution safe

MYTH: Legalisation makes prostitution safe

FACT: Prostitution is inherently violent

Myth 2: Johns respect the women they buy sex from

In a society where women are still judged for their sexual behavior and words like 'slut' and 'whore' are widely used as slurs against them, expecting Johns to respect prostituted women is highly naive. Most prostituted women have experienced violence while in prostitution, and numerous studies confirm this.

Check out John forums yourself to see what they really think about prostituted women—it will open your eyes. They don’t speak kindly about them, they don’t respect them, and they dehumanize them.

Read more in these articles:

MYTH: Punters respect the women they buy

The Case for Using John Forums as Evidence Against the Sex Trade

Check put this website for citations of German, Austrian and Swiss sex buyers from the years of legalized sex buying – almost exclusively concerning legal prostitution establishments: https://dieunsichtbarenmaenner.wordpress.com/menu/

Studies:

Violence by clients towards female prostitutes in different work settings: questionnaire survey

Prostitute homicides: a descriptive study

Prostitution in Five Countries: Violence and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Prostitution and Trafficking in Nine Countries

Prostitution in Vancouver: violence and the colonization of First Nations women

Posttraumatic stress disorders in prostitutes: Results of a study in Hamburg in the context of an international project

Men who pay for sex in Germany and what they teach us about the failure of legal prostitution: a 6-country report on the sex trade from the perspective of the socially invisible 'freiers'

Posttraumatic stress disorder among female street-based sex workers in the greater Sydney area, Australia

Cumulative Violence and PTSD Symptom Severity Among Urban Street-Based Female Sex Workers

Myth 3: The Nordic Model is more dangerous for prostituted women than decriminalization

Murders of prostituted women are lower in countries that have adopted the Nordic Model. Furthermore, in these countries, prostituted women are not punished and can call the police on Johns, who are always held accountable. As a result, Johns are more likely to behave better to avoid being reported.

Read more in these articles:

MYTH: The Nordic Model is more dangerous for sex workers than decriminalisation

FACT: Decriminalising prostitution increases human trafficking

FACT: Buying sex makes men more prone to violence against women

Myths and misinformation about the Nordic Model (Booklet - PDF)

Myth 4: Legalizing Prostitution Reduces the Stigma

If that were the case, it would have happened in countries where prostitution is legalized, but that has never occurred. I live in Germany, where it has been allowed since 1927 and widely recognized and regulated legally since 2002, yet the stigma remains almost as high as it was decades ago.

Read more in this article:

MYTH: Legalising Prostitution Reduces the Stigma

Myth 5: Prostitution is the oldest profession

Evidence shows that hunting, farming, and toolmaking date back to around 10,000-12,000 years ago, long before prostitution, which became documented in ancient civilizations like Mesopotamia (around 2,000 BCE). Therefore, basic survival activities came first.

Read more in this article:

MYTH: Prostitution is the oldest profession

Myth 6:  If you make prostitution or buying sex illegal Prostitution will go underground.

The argument that criminalizing the purchase of sex will drive it “underground” is not based on any evidence. On the contrary, in Sweden and Norway—where the purchase of sex has been criminalized—the number of men buying sex has declined. Therefore, prostitution on the whole has declined.

Germany where Prostitution is legalized has a legal market and an illegal market, and both have grown. According to the Federal Statistical Office, there were about 32,300 registered prostitutes in Germany at the end of 2024. However researchers assume that the number of unregistered prostitutes ranges from 200,000 to 400,000 at the low end to up to 1 million.