this is stupid

When I started writing as a kid, people pointed out that I couldn’t write dialogue very well. They told me “No one talks this way except for you.” Somewhere along the way I learned I have autism.

People like my dialogue a little better now, but they still say that while the characters speak humorously and clearly, they don’t really sound like actual people.

I feel alienated somehow. As if I don’t qualify as people, as if the best I can be is an endearingly pitiful person impersonator. Human substitute. Do you think there’s a way come to terms with this?

Dialogue can be taught. Get a phone with a voice recorder app, and go and interview people. Ask them questions. Then transcribe what you get. Then do an edited, interesting version, leaving out the ums and false starts. Then do it again. And again. Go to a place people hang out and talk, and just listen. Listen with a notebook. Write down the best things that people say. Do this every day for six months and your dialogue will be sparkling.