Loving sweetly and slowly

god FUCKING damnit im such a hopeless romantic one day someones gonna say “i love you” and im just going to let out an agonized scream so horrible that they immediately change their mind

If nothing else, this gives me a list of shit to buy my girl lol

Okay but this is helpful

working with children is a wild fucking experience yall. this morning at work one of our second graders got my attention and was like “you know what word my mom told me not to say? PUSSY.” and i was like “then why did you just say it??” and she went “i dunno” and then dabbed

lads had a dream last night that i was at the elton john concert and halfway through crocodile rock he switched to a prince medley and real live flesh and blood prince walked out on stage, and into the stunned, hushed silence i said quietly, “i thought you were dead” and he looked straight at me through the crowds of a million people, put his mouth against the mic, and said “do i look like the kind of man who dies” absolute legend 

This wasn’t a dream this was a premonition

hey if u wanna come into my life & not lie about caring for me hmu

my favorite thing about “fbi/nsa agent monitoring my computer” things is it implies that there is at least one agent for every single person on earth with a computer

But who’s monitoring the agents computers

📠📠📠

It can’t go the other way?

i also appreciate the logic that planes can’t fly over land.

BITCH

this is so pure

Reblog if you heard it in Ms Piggy’s voice in your head.