whatever

MC: ...

MC: Did you have a nightmare?

Malleus: ...

Malleus: *nods*

MC: I see. *hugs him*

Malleus: ...

Malleus: What about your promise—

MC: We're married. If I leave, you're coming with me.

Malleus: ...

Malleus: Do you swear upon your mother's name that your words are true?

MC: Yes.

Malleus: ...

Malleus: I love you, dear.

MC: Hm.

Malleus: ...

a useleess rivalry ₍₍⚞◝(ᵔᗜᵔ)◜⚟⁾⁾

Mr. Shroud: I understand that this may be frightening, but I assure you that no harm shall befall you. We are merely here to ask a few questions.

Pain: We're doomed! They're gonna torture us!

Pain: N-No, no, no! Please don't! We swear we're not here to cause trouble! We're just here for MC!

Pain and Panic: *hugs each other, crying*

Mr. Shroud: ...

Mrs. Shroud: Are you trying to make us look bad? How mean of you. Hmph! Even so, something like that might happen if you don't tell us right this instant why you've come to see us. We certainly wouldn't want anything unfortunate happening to the esteemed henchmen of the King of the Underworld, now would we?

Mr. Shroud: Boss, you're scaring them even more.

Pain: Our henchkid wandered off, and we need to get 'em back right now! Do you have any idea what Hades'll do to us if we lose 'em?! We're dead! We're so dead!

Panic: P-Please, just let us do our job so we can be on our merry—er, dreadful—way!

Mr. and Mrs. Shroud: ...

Mrs. Shroud: Oh dear. Am I to assume that you've come here to... kill MC?

Pain: Uh... sorta? I mean, technically, yeah. We need 'em dead.

Mr. and Mrs. Shroud: ...

Panic: P-Pain… I have a bad feeling they did NOT like what you just said…

Child MC: Idia, what are you making me wear?

Idia: Noise-cancelling headphones.

Child MC: Noise-cancelling?

Idia: I’ve got important stuff to deal with. Not for outsiders… and you’re kinda really gossipy.

Child MC: How can I gossip? I don't even get to go outside alone... *sad frowns*

Idia: ...

Idia: Alright, alright… I take it back. But seriously, important stuff. Just… keep this on and—uh—enjoy the gummy bears.

Child MC: ...

Child MC: You kill baby bears and make them candy?

Idia: What—no! Those are sugar shaped like bears. Same for the gummy worms you had last time.

Child MC: Oh... So that's why they were not wriggling...

Idia: ...

Idia: Yeah, anyway... Cartoons might be better. That should keep you occupied.

Child MC: Can I have one with a love story in it?

Idia: Sure. Whatever.

Idia: The kid's busy. What now?

Mr. Shroud: Idia, I’m sure you’re familiar with the two henchmen of the Lord of the Underworld.

Idia: Yeah, they show up in kids' stories a lot. Why?

Mr. Shroud: We have them.

Idia: ...

Idia: What do you mean?

Mr. Shroud: They are currently being detained, and they insist that they need to take MC back.

Mr. Shroud: Your mother is furious, but I believe they might be connected to them. Do you think it’s a good idea to let them meet?

Idia: Dad, even if they’re “from the legends,” that doesn’t mean we just accept whatever they say.

Mr. Shroud: I see. You're right.

Mr. Shroud: ...

Mr. Shroud: What's MC doing?

Idia: They're watching some sappy love story.

MC: ...

MC: Why do you talk like a dreadful email reminder sent at 3 a.m.?

Malleus: ...

Malleus: Indeed, it is rather dreadful. I can only hope it does not spoil your morning.

MC: That depends on what it's about.

Malleus: ...

Malleus: The subject of anniversaries arose yesterday, and in the midst of the discussion, I came to a rather curious realization.

Malleus: We never truly established the day upon which we began our relationship.

MC: ...

MC: Shit, you're right. So... We've just been fooling around?

Malleus: No!

MC: Okay, chill. Then let's make it official starting today, yeah?

Malleus: ...

MC: It seems we have a misunderstanding regarding the nature of my job. *works as an assassin*

Dylla: It says in your ad that you do clean-up work. I really need extra hands right now.

MC: ...

MC: I will only charge you 20 madol for the whole service.

Dylla: Are you sure?

MC: Yes.

Dylla: Thank you so much!

Dylla: *is amazed how everything looks spotless*

Dylla: ...

MC: I'll get going—

Dylla: Wait! You should eat something before you go!

MC: I'm not hungry.

Dylla: Oh nono, I insist. Sit down. *pulls a chair*

MC: *sighs internally*

Hades: Where’s the road? Don’t tell me you two are just makin’ stuff up now.

Pain: N-No, boss! The kid pointed right here and said there was a road!

Panic: Y-Yeah! Right here! See?! We’re not making it up this time!

Hades: *takes a deep breath* Okay… as completely insane as this sounds… the kid vanished without a trace. *eyes the dirt wall suspiciously*

Hades: So I guess that means I gotta figure out how to get into this 'road'.

Child MC: ...

Child MC: I didn't know showers could be like that.

Idia: Mwehehe… it’s fast and efficient. It only takes a few minutes, unlike normal people who somehow waste an entire hour just washing themselves up.

Child MC: ...

Child MC: *imagines what it'd be like if souls in the Underworld could spin like a washing machine*

Child MC: ...

Child MC: *giggles*

Idia: (What is this kid thinking about?)

Ortho: MC, is there something you would like to eat?

Child MC: Wor—

Ortho: Except worms. *eye smile*

Child MC: ...

Child MC: Pomegranate?

Ortho: Hmm... I'll check. *giggles*

Idia and Ortho: ...

Child MC: *seems to be waiting for something while they eat the pomegranate; looks disappointed when it doesn't happen*

Idia: Have any guesses what they're trying to do?

MC: What if I just want to call you for no reason?

Malleus: ...

Malleus: Even so… you may still call upon me. Even if it is for nothing at all.

MC: Aww~ *chuckles* Like a husband to their spouse.

Malleus: ...

Malleus: *smirks* Is how you define our relationship?

MC: ...

MC: *blushes in embarrassment* I misspoke.

Mrs. Shroud: Are you sure, Idia-kun?

Idia: Yeah. *sigh* They need a change of scenery that should keep them from getting any weird ideas about “going back to the Underworld” or whatever.

Mrs. Shroud: Be careful, Idia-kun, and don't be too harsh. Hm?

Idia: I'll try.

Ortho: ...

Child MC: *their arms are securely strapped so they won’t be able to pick anything up*

Child MC: ...

Child MC: *to Idia* You're so low for this. *sad frowns*

Idia: Am I now?

Ortho: *trying to analyze the situation*

Ortho: I see… but I don’t detect any indicators of distress or emotional instability from them.

Idia: So they're just delulu, huh?

Child MC: *has been fed and is now asleep in his bed*

Ortho: *removes the straps* I will ensure that they do not ingest any rocks.

Idia: Thanks, Ortho.

Hades: *holding a handkerchief embroidered with his face on it; sigh*

Hades: I’ve never felt this empty… this miserable, kid. Wherever you are, I hope you’re doing just fine.

Pain and Panic: *walk in* B-Boss?

Hades: What? Can’t you see I’m in the middle of a little “feeling-sad-and-dramatic” moment here?

Pain and Panic: *exchange glances*

Pain: W-We found the road...

Panic: Th-The "other" road.

Hades: ...

Idia: Yeah… apparently some random kid showed up at the Gates of the Underworld or whatever. I told them they had to be hallucinating, but nope—they were totally convinced it was real.

Azul: I highly doubt your organization would waste its time playing a prank on you.

Idia: *sighs* Anyway, don’t miss me or anything, Azul-shi. *smirks*

Azul: Don't be ridiculous.

Idia: It was a joke. Smh.

Mr. Shroud: Idia is on his way—

Mrs. Shroud: *dotes on Child MC* Do you want more gummy worms?

Child MC: *nods* Yes, please! And where do you get them? I wanna dig some for Lord Hades!

Mr. and Mrs. Shroud: ...

Mr. Shroud: Lord Hades? The King of the Underworld?

Child MC: *nods*

Hades: Hercules, my boy—thanks for coming when I called, despite our less-than-friendly beginning.

Hercules: I heard your kid went missing.

Megara: So… did they run away? Got tired of life here in the Underworld?

Hades: Yeah, I doubt it, Nutmeg. My child’s not the ‘run off and rebel’ sort.

Hercules: Well, do you know where they could’ve gone?

Hades: Nice question, Wonder Boy. They said something about another road. Problem is—we have no idea where that road is!

Megara: *rolls her eyes*

Hercules: Okay. You need to calm down.

Hades: Me? I’m cool. But my wife? Not so much. So let’s keep this simple—help me find my child immediately, or I fear the mortal world might experience some… unfortunate consequences.

Professor Crewel: *doesn't let them* You may choose to ignore the eyes of others, but they certainly won’t ignore you. And I trust you have no desire to become the subject of their ridicule, hm?

MC: *raises an eyebrow*

Professor Crewel: ...

Professor Crewel: I can tell exactly what you’re thinking. Do not sass me with that expression—fix it at once.

Professor Crewel: ...

MC: *has grown bunny ears and becomes tiny*

Kalim: Aww~! They're so cute—Ouch!

MC: *has bitten him*

Kalim: Bunnies don't bite. 🥺

Trey and Cater: *endeavoured to maintain their poker faces, though Cater was the first to falter*

Cater: *a giddy giggle escaped him*

Trey: Cater...

Cater: What? It was totally adorbs! I knew the Child of the Thorn Fairy would have a type—did you see how they blushed after meeting Riddle-kun?

Riddle: I must disagree. That was simply shyness.

Trey: I agree. Aren’t they still mentally fourteen?

Cater: But Trey-kun, Princess Aurora was sixteen when she met her prince, who was twenty-one, you know?

Trey: ...

Trey: Right.

Riddle: Even so, it is improper to conclude they have a crush on me from a simple meeting!

Malleus, Lilia, and Silver: ...

Malleus: Why does it seem the Child of Thorns allows their raven companion to bully them more than usual?

Lilia: Perhaps it’s to get their mind off thinking about Riddle.

Malleus: ...

Malleus: Pardon?

Silver: Sebek was still devastated about it.

Malleus: ...

Sebek: Your Majesty!

MC: ...

MC: My apologies… have you been calling for me? I was, it seems, lost among my thoughts.

Sebek: ...

Sebek: If Your Majesty desires him, then I, Sebek Zigvolt, shall ensure you are able to approach him!

MC: ...

MC: I do not think that would be the best course of action… and besides, I am certain love does not bloom at first sight.

Sebek: ...

Sebek: *cast a glance at their raven companion, who clearly was not convinced*

Sebek: From this moment forward, you are to exchange written correspondence with Their Majesty!