whatever

MC: ...

MC: Why do you talk like a dreadful email reminder sent at 3 a.m.?

Malleus: ...

Malleus: Indeed, it is rather dreadful. I can only hope it does not spoil your morning.

MC: That depends on what it's about.

Malleus: ...

Malleus: The subject of anniversaries arose yesterday, and in the midst of the discussion, I came to a rather curious realization.

Malleus: We never truly established the day upon which we began our relationship.

MC: ...

MC: Shit, you're right. So... We've just been fooling around?

Malleus: No!

MC: Okay, chill. Then let's make it official starting today, yeah?

Malleus: ...

MC: It seems we have a misunderstanding regarding the nature of my job. *works as an assassin*

Dylla: It says in your ad that you do clean-up work. I really need extra hands right now.

MC: ...

MC: I will only charge you 20 madol for the whole service.

Dylla: Are you sure?

MC: Yes.

Dylla: Thank you so much!

Dylla: *is amazed how everything looks spotless*

Dylla: ...

MC: I'll get going—

Dylla: Wait! You should eat something before you go!

MC: I'm not hungry.

Dylla: Oh nono, I insist. Sit down. *pulls a chair*

MC: *sighs internally*

Hades: Where’s the road? Don’t tell me you two are just makin’ stuff up now.

Pain: N-No, boss! The kid pointed right here and said there was a road!

Panic: Y-Yeah! Right here! See?! We’re not making it up this time!

Hades: *takes a deep breath* Okay… as completely insane as this sounds… the kid vanished without a trace. *eyes the dirt wall suspiciously*

Hades: So I guess that means I gotta figure out how to get into this 'road'.

Child MC: ...

Child MC: I didn't know showers could be like that.

Idia: Mwehehe… it’s fast and efficient. It only takes a few minutes, unlike normal people who somehow waste an entire hour just washing themselves up.

Child MC: ...

Child MC: *imagines what it'd be like if souls in the Underworld could spin like a washing machine*

Child MC: ...

Child MC: *giggles*

Idia: (What is this kid thinking about?)

Ortho: MC, is there something you would like to eat?

Child MC: Wor—

Ortho: Except worms. *eye smile*

Child MC: ...

Child MC: Pomegranate?

Ortho: Hmm... I'll check. *giggles*

Idia and Ortho: ...

Child MC: *seems to be waiting for something while they eat the pomegranate; looks disappointed when it doesn't happen*

Idia: Have any guesses what they're trying to do?

MC: What if I just want to call you for no reason?

Malleus: ...

Malleus: Even so… you may still call upon me. Even if it is for nothing at all.

MC: Aww~ *chuckles* Like a husband to their spouse.

Malleus: ...

Malleus: *smirks* Is how you define our relationship?

MC: ...

MC: *blushes in embarrassment* I misspoke.

Mrs. Shroud: Are you sure, Idia-kun?

Idia: Yeah. *sigh* They need a change of scenery that should keep them from getting any weird ideas about “going back to the Underworld” or whatever.

Mrs. Shroud: Be careful, Idia-kun, and don't be too harsh. Hm?

Idia: I'll try.

Ortho: ...

Child MC: *their arms are securely strapped so they won’t be able to pick anything up*

Child MC: ...

Child MC: *to Idia* You're so low for this. *sad frowns*

Idia: Am I now?

Ortho: *trying to analyze the situation*

Ortho: I see… but I don’t detect any indicators of distress or emotional instability from them.

Idia: So they're just delulu, huh?

Child MC: *has been fed and is now asleep in his bed*

Ortho: *removes the straps* I will ensure that they do not ingest any rocks.

Idia: Thanks, Ortho.

Hades: *holding a handkerchief embroidered with his face on it; sigh*

Hades: I’ve never felt this empty… this miserable, kid. Wherever you are, I hope you’re doing just fine.

Pain and Panic: *walk in* B-Boss?

Hades: What? Can’t you see I’m in the middle of a little “feeling-sad-and-dramatic” moment here?

Pain and Panic: *exchange glances*

Pain: W-We found the road...

Panic: Th-The "other" road.

Hades: ...

Idia: Yeah… apparently some random kid showed up at the Gates of the Underworld or whatever. I told them they had to be hallucinating, but nope—they were totally convinced it was real.

Azul: I highly doubt your organization would waste its time playing a prank on you.

Idia: *sighs* Anyway, don’t miss me or anything, Azul-shi. *smirks*

Azul: Don't be ridiculous.

Idia: It was a joke. Smh.

Mr. Shroud: Idia is on his way—

Mrs. Shroud: *dotes on Child MC* Do you want more gummy worms?

Child MC: *nods* Yes, please! And where do you get them? I wanna dig some for Lord Hades!

Mr. and Mrs. Shroud: ...

Mr. Shroud: Lord Hades? The King of the Underworld?

Child MC: *nods*

Hades: Hercules, my boy—thanks for coming when I called, despite our less-than-friendly beginning.

Hercules: I heard your kid went missing.

Megara: So… did they run away? Got tired of life here in the Underworld?

Hades: Yeah, I doubt it, Nutmeg. My child’s not the ‘run off and rebel’ sort.

Hercules: Well, do you know where they could’ve gone?

Hades: Nice question, Wonder Boy. They said something about another road. Problem is—we have no idea where that road is!

Megara: *rolls her eyes*

Hercules: Okay. You need to calm down.

Hades: Me? I’m cool. But my wife? Not so much. So let’s keep this simple—help me find my child immediately, or I fear the mortal world might experience some… unfortunate consequences.

Professor Crewel: *doesn't let them* You may choose to ignore the eyes of others, but they certainly won’t ignore you. And I trust you have no desire to become the subject of their ridicule, hm?

MC: *raises an eyebrow*

Professor Crewel: ...

Professor Crewel: I can tell exactly what you’re thinking. Do not sass me with that expression—fix it at once.

Professor Crewel: ...

MC: *has grown bunny ears and becomes tiny*

Kalim: Aww~! They're so cute—Ouch!

MC: *has bitten him*

Kalim: Bunnies don't bite. 🥺

Trey and Cater: *endeavoured to maintain their poker faces, though Cater was the first to falter*

Cater: *a giddy giggle escaped him*

Trey: Cater...

Cater: What? It was totally adorbs! I knew the Child of the Thorn Fairy would have a type—did you see how they blushed after meeting Riddle-kun?

Riddle: I must disagree. That was simply shyness.

Trey: I agree. Aren’t they still mentally fourteen?

Cater: But Trey-kun, Princess Aurora was sixteen when she met her prince, who was twenty-one, you know?

Trey: ...

Trey: Right.

Riddle: Even so, it is improper to conclude they have a crush on me from a simple meeting!

Malleus, Lilia, and Silver: ...

Malleus: Why does it seem the Child of Thorns allows their raven companion to bully them more than usual?

Lilia: Perhaps it’s to get their mind off thinking about Riddle.

Malleus: ...

Malleus: Pardon?

Silver: Sebek was still devastated about it.

Malleus: ...

Sebek: Your Majesty!

MC: ...

MC: My apologies… have you been calling for me? I was, it seems, lost among my thoughts.

Sebek: ...

Sebek: If Your Majesty desires him, then I, Sebek Zigvolt, shall ensure you are able to approach him!

MC: ...

MC: I do not think that would be the best course of action… and besides, I am certain love does not bloom at first sight.

Sebek: ...

Sebek: *cast a glance at their raven companion, who clearly was not convinced*

Sebek: From this moment forward, you are to exchange written correspondence with Their Majesty!

colossal squid, bigger hunt for bigger meal 🦑

Sebek: *clearly not amused after MC returned from their venture into the woods with an injured raven, now carefully tending to the creature*

Ace: Someone's jealous~.

Sebek: I am NOT! And I hold absolutely no objection to it! It’s just that… that raven was insolent toward Their Majesty when they first crossed paths!

Ace: Geez, man… do you seriously have beef with literally everyone and everything?

Ace: Anyway, how was that raven “rude,” exactly? What’d it even do?

MC: *the raven pinches their finger with its beak the moment they gently touch its injured wing* Oh… dear. Did that hurt you, little one? Forgive me… I meant only to help.

Sebek: AHH! Your Majesty! Are you unharmed?! *turns to the raven* Insolent bird!

MC: It is quite alright. We cannot fault it for keeping its guard so firmly raised. *gently cradles the raven’s head with a soft touch of their finger, their voice tender and untroubled*

The raven: *behaves in a snobbish, aloof manner, turning its head away with a haughty air*

Sebek: Why this little—

Lilia: Malleus.

Malleus: Yes, Lilia?

Lilia: *watches with quiet amusement as the raven continues to peck at MC’s hand, almost as if it were bullying them in its own feisty little way*

Lilia: Fufu… doesn’t Their Majesty have quite a gentle temper? If it were you, that raven would’ve been roasted by now.

Malleus: ...

Malleus: I must beg to differ. I have considerable patience. After all… just observe how I interact with Grim.

Lilia: He doesn't count.

Sebek: I implore you, Your Majesty—allow me to discipline that bird! Just look at your hand! It is completely covered in peck marks!

MC: I very much doubt you could, Sebek… for I know you would never raise harm against a lady. *a soft, airy chuckle escapes them*

Sebek: ...

Sebek: Th-This rude bird is a lady?!

MC: Yes… It is no wonder she dislikes being touched. It was discourteous of me not to respect her boundaries.

Sebek: ...

Sebek: I am certain she does not think you discourteous in the slightest, Your Majesty. Besides, had it been anyone else, that bird would have been in grave danger.

MC: ...

MC: Even so… kindness is only true when it is received in full.*their voice softens* Otherwise, it becomes little more than an overstep.

MC: …which I once thought of Aurora as well… *they murmur under their breath* Only to realize, far too late, that she truly meant well.

Sebek: ...

Sebek: Ravens are cunning creatures, Your Majesty. If she truly disliked you, she would have done everything in her power to escape by now.

Sebek: That is precisely why… I am inclined to believe she is deliberately bullying you, Your Majesty!!