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Ellis always compliments me so suddenly, whether I'm immersed in the pleasure he brings, or when I'm lost in thought about the words on the contract. Or right now, as we're entwined in bed. Ellis gently strokes my cheek and smiles, complimenting me. I believe Ellis; I know that in his eyes, I'm cute. But in my eyes, like everyone else, I see myself as a monster. How unfair! Ellis is handsome, gentle, gentle with everyone to please them. Even with me, Ellis is incredibly gentle. He's like the soft duvet I used to share with my older sister in the cold winter. He's too perfect, too gentle, too patient with me, and that's why I feel so unfairly treated. It's unfair to him for falling for someone like me. I love Ellis, but I'm not perfect; I can't give him anything. Happiness? I lost that feeling a long time ago. Money? Ellis certainly doesn't need it, and Jude can give more. My body? It's the only thing I can give him, but it's too worn out after so much torture and experimentation. My life? He won't take it unless he gives me the happiest moment of my life. And I'm terrified of dying too. How pathetic, Arines, how pathetic you are. You can't give Ellis anything valuable, and now you're greedily coveting him even more.
That's what echoed in my head at that moment: leave Ellis, run away from Ellis. I had to run before I became more and more hopeless, leave him before I sank deeper into my illusions. I had to run before the greed of my heart hurt him. Ellis deserved someone better, and I… I couldn't possibly be that person.
Arines: Uh… Nothing, remember to wake me up early tomorrow?
Looking at Ellis, words like "let's break up" choked in my throat. I couldn't tell Ellis directly; if I did, he would surely be sad. I loved Ellis's smile; it was warm like sunshine, but also dazzling. I loved his smile, I feared it, but I hated making Ellis sad even more. That's why saying goodbye to me was so hard. That's why I devised a plan that, looking back, I still find incredibly naive.
I secretly packed my things when Ellis was assigned to a mission for Crown. I also secretly wrote a resignation letter to give directly to Jude when Ellis wasn't around. I saw Jude frown, like when he hears about a debtor using his money for illegal activities. And I'm sure it wasn't just because of the messy handwriting, which was too difficult for me to write myself.
Jude: So, where are you going after leaving here?
When I remained silent, Jude's eyebrows furrowed even tighter. He looked at me like a rebellious daughter about to run away from home.
Arines: Boss, can I ask you a favor? Can you help me break up with Ellis?
Jude: Huh? I've been too nice lately, so you guys want to boss me around? Why the hell should I relay your message?
Arines: I'll leave her here. I don't know where I'm going, and I can't let her suffer with me. I'll leave all the money I earn here as care fees for Riri…
I took Jude's clicking of his tongue as agreement and silently left Crown Castle. I was too naive, truly too naive. I was too naive to think I could leave, too naive to underestimate Ellis's obsession with me.
“Where are you going, Arines?”
As I stood at the harbor preparing to board the ship, I heard Ellis's voice from the shadows behind me. Without thinking, I threw down my luggage and ran. My only thought at that moment was to run as far away from him as possible, yet I still heard Ellis calling me from behind. My heart still races when I see him, my heart is screaming to run towards Ellis. But I can't give in to it, I'm just an ugly monster, I don't deserve him. I mustn't be soft-hearted, I can't turn back, I'm not allowed to turn back. Even if my heart loves Ellis madly, even if leaving him will gnaw me away with loneliness, I must run even further. That's better for Ellis, that's better for us. Ellis shouldn't be bound by someone like me.
Arines: We've broken up, don't chase after me anymore!
Ellis: But I still haven't made you happy!
Arines: Forget that promise, forget about me, I really don't deserve you!
As I uttered those words, I heard a sound like footsteps. Ellis easily caught me. Of course, how could I possibly run faster than Ellis, and I could feel that he was angry.
Ellis: Arines, I really don't know why you ran… Did I make you angry?
Ellis used his curse power to bind my hands and lifted me up in a princess style. The light in his eyes had vanished, replaced by a frenzied obsession.
Ellis: Who whispered something in your ear, making you run away from me?
Ellis: You're not allowed to leave, Arines.
Ellis: I won't let anyone, not even you, separate us.
Ellis: Not until the day I make you truly happy.
[But Ellis, my running away is because I'm starting to feel what happiness is again when I love you.]
Ellis: Okay, let's go home. Riri was worried all day because you weren't around.
This isn't good. My heart is beating faster now that I see his haunting face. My heart is sinking deeper and deeper into this twisted love. I can't leave Ellis anymore.
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