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A life of endless torment

My favorite part is how the machinery is louder than the actual sound

@bearthemeow @ninja445

this cheese was aged by sending it to the beach that makes you old

Sometimes having an OC is like "this character is an outlet for my insecurity and trauma" and sometimes it's like "this character is an outlet for my love of vampires :)". Sometimes it's both

Sometimes you think it's "this character is an outlet for my love and nothing more :)" and then you look it over later like "shit. product of the deepest depths of my soul again"

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Sometimes it’s the unyielding silence

99% of "mysterious disappearances" esp of people in their 20s who start acting weird for 48 hours and then vanish are not mysterious, thats just when a lot of reality-obliterating mental illness tends to kick in and it's pretty easy to get a short circuit in your brain that makes you go family guy death pose in joshua tree national park. it's not any less tragic, it's just a documented phenomenon and not particularly predictable. its a big reason the medical advice is for people with a family history of schizophrenia to completely avoid weed and psychedelics. "people just go crazy sometimes" is a principle of human health that used to be a lot more accepted prior to the american midcentury and to a certain extent thats a healthier way to conceptualize and prepare for the risk, as opposed to the modern assertion that anyone acting weird is dangerous and broken forever.

you should have a rough outline of a plan for if any of your loved ones experiences psychosis, it really does happen a lot. UTIs can cause psychosis. taking drugs, even safe drugs, or prescription drugs, can cause psychosis. i was once prescribed a heavy regimen of vitamin D because i was deficient, but the doctor never told me to stop taking it, so i moved to california, stopped being deficient, and developed vitamin d toxicity with downstream hyperparathyroidism which triggered significant hypomania that was undetected and uncontrolled for yeeeeeeears. i just slowly got Weird and started making impulsive decisions based on slightly out-of-gamut beliefs. i drove cross country by myself to have a love affair. the love affair was real, the series of decisions leading to burning down my life in pursuit of it were based on not great brain function however. etc. you see what i mean. churchill mentioned depression being the "black dog who stalks us" (one reason for Churchgrim's multi-referential name) but theres another, stealthier dog called Insanity and it's closer to some people than others but man it sneaks up on you. every time i see one of those "guy gets weird and drives into the wilderness forever" missing persons stories i think "yeah i could totally pull that off"

"van gogh cut off his ear what a lunatic" you are 3 nights of bad sleep, getting unexpected upsetting news and taking a substance as benign as coffee at the wrong time away from doing the same hope this helps

Let’s all actually do this

posted in 2015 and then every single world event for the next 11 years has just felt like this exactly

let’s all stop doing this now

i remember a while ago i was doing comms in a very specific art style and it was seasonally quite popular and then one day i noticed someone in my notes had one for an icon that i absolutely didn’t draw, they had been inspired by mine and drawn their own looking at my gallery for reference, and you know what? i was so fucking tickled, like, literally just overjoyed because someone wanted their art to look like mine and wanted it badly enough that they did the damn thing and then they liked it enough that they made it their icon. how incredible?? i still think about it and smile even though it was probably the better part of 10 years ago. i can’t imagine giving a fuck about anything but the fact that my work as an artist made more artists make more art

YOU play video games to feel powerful. I play video games to feel new, previously undiscovered shades of grief and sadness. we are NOT the same.

YOU play video games to feel powerful. I play video games to feel new, previously undiscovered shades of grief and sadness. we are NOT the same.