god will be my coworker now

my cousin lorbish can photosynthesize

balls?? like from cock and????

There are two dragons inside of you. One hoards knowledge and the other hoards trinkets. They’re both very excited when you bring them to a museum

the unstoppable force (adhd) vs the immovable object (also adhd)

listening to music in the shower is a behavior that originates from ancient times when nymphs would bathe in a gentle stream, serenaded by a centaur playing the lyre

haters will draw a hot bath for you only to begin slicing carrots into it

Hes footworkin on that bitch

me in a black hole, without being able to see shit because theres no fucking light: wow this fucking sucks

me at the bottom of the ocean, without being able to see because theres no fucking light: wow this shit fucking sucks

may your next ibuprofen take effect swiftly and noticeably