ditahahahahaha

2015 was a… balanced year, I suppose. There were times I struggled through my own emotions, often leading me to disregarding others’ feelings, or simply pushing them away. Sometimes, I’d deny my own emotions too, for the benefit of myself and others around me. I cried a lot this year, too. But after each slump, I always feel like I’ve learned something in the process. I hated the fact that I had to cry through it sometimes, but in the end, I’m thankful I went through it just so I can mature a bit more.

Though, “mature” is a bit of general term. I’m still naïve to so many other things that it brings trouble too. My impulses are usually through emotion, and so there are times when I end up saying things first before really thinking about what it would lead me to. And then this all leads back to my dramatic, spontaneous mood changes— feeling good one minute, feeling terrible the next, then feeling a little okay after some reassurance. It was always like this throughout the year. I don’t it will change that much in the coming year, but I surely hope it happens less often, if ever.

I’ve also learned to learned to let loose a bit this year. Time flies fast, and there’s only so much one can do. With the help of friends, I’ve learned to have more fun with things and just enjoy the moment. I’ve always been a fan of simple things, anyway. I’ve tried to be more sociable to new people as well. I should’ve probably taken more pictures of events too… I’ll make a mental note next year. And this doesn’t just apply to my lifestyle— I’ve also figured that I’ll enjoy what I want with the things I draw too. Whether original or fan art, I want to draw/do what I can for the things I love. And if I find people who would like it too, then that’s always a great big bonus to me!

Right now, I at least have one particular obsession that always keeps me going throughout the year— Tatsuo and Jeremy. They turn out to mean more to me than I ever could’ve predicted, and each time they are brought up, I feel ecstatic. I always look forward to talking about them, even though I never really get to introduce them to others as properly as I want! Still, the passion I have for them grew onto others, AND THAT MAKES ME EXTREMELY HAPPY!!! To the point where I made a book of them for publication class this year, you could say that they are my ULTIMATE otp. And of course, I always make sure to thank Tiny for being my other half in creating the stories of this wonderful yet silly pair of idiots. Someday, I absolutely want to let their stories be known to a wider audience, too.

As with college, it was an okay year as well. Senior year came to us faster than we could’ve thought. I can already see us struggling through the last semester, with thesis, OJT, and portfolio building all ganging up on us in one go. The amount of responsibilities can be stressing, and without time management, I probably would’ve let myself be drowned in distractions instead. This year, I think I’ve got the REAL idea of what I want to be doing in the future, but I have to work a whole more, especially with my general drawing style and skill, if I want it to make it achievable.

Lastly, I haven’t thought much about this throughout the year, but it was only during the holidays that I realized. Because of college, I end up being a lot more busy with myself. I always find myself to be a little homesick after a while, but I never really talk about my studies, or my college life in general, to my family. They’ve always been so kind and generous to me, always concerned but never question much because they trust me. They do always ask me how are things going, but I never reply much more than “Busy with college” and such. I feel bad for being impatient with mom’s calls that only come after she’s done with most of the housework, and never replying as soon as dad wants me to when he messages me.

During the holiday, I kept thinking about how much I miss my dad— he had to sacrifice his time to earn up his vacation days for when I graduate. But when he knew my graduation was a little later than assumed, he said he could’ve managed to go home as well. It definitely was a lot less spirited when he’s not around for holidays like these. Then, with the rest of the family, there’s been some complications going on around, especially with my cousins, and I never really know much other than what my mom tells me. I need to connect with them more. All of them.

So, in summary, I realized a lot of things about myself this year:

1) I’m a whiny, dramatic baby.

2) I can be such a hypocrite at times

3) I can be paranoid af, and reassurance ALWAYS go a long way for me.

4) I wear my heart on my sleeve, a lot more often than I thought I did.

5) I’m generous as heck to those close to me.

6) I finally know what I REALLY want as a future occupation.

7) I can do something if I feel less insecure about it.

8) TAKOLOCKED TAKOLOCKED TAKOLOCKED

Of course, there’s a lot more I discovered about myself too, but I’ll save it for now.