"history will absolve me" as the e-mail signature

fellatio sounds like a supporting shakespeare character rather than oral sex on a penis to be honest

There is absolutely nothing whatsoever wrong with this. People should do it more

If any competition needed to be on Tumblr, it's this one.

Zelda puzzle training simulator

this encounter seems very intimate and magical, like a moment in a dream

This is the best thing I’ve ever seen. The end of it omfg

It should also be noted that in the original post of this that I saw on FB, it’s remarked upon that the cat is stealing this stuffed tiger from the neighbor’s house. This is not his stuffed animal. He has stolen it multiple times apparently.

I haven’t seen this little dude in years! I’m so happy. 💜

*seductively takes off glasses* wow you're fucking blurry

Wait, so you’re telling me today’s the 4th? What’s next, the 5th? The minor fall? The major lift?

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny