Waking up five times a night

Only to wake up to the self loathing that consumes my mind

I try to stop thinking of everything I do wrong

Everything I can’t accomplish and the burden I cause on others

Although I don’t do much

I don’t do enough

I wake up to the voices in my mind

Telling myself I’m not enough

I never will be

They scream at me saying I have no potential

I have no purpose

Are they right?

I sleep countless hours to avoid the darkness in my mind, only to wake up to it over and over

I wish I could disappear

Or maybe just those thoughts

Maybe if my thoughts went away

If my mind disappeared

I would finally feel peace

My mind is my reality

My mind is me

Left with my thoughts

Tired of fucking praying

Instead I’m told all these fucking lies

That I can make it out alive

But I’m not falling for that shit

I know I’m gonna die

Been having nightmares

My life’s gonna end

But I don’t give a fuck

But I am to

Atleast you have me to tell you what to do

I keep my shit to myself

You could care less

So I stay in my mind, fucking depressed

Nobody caring for me

I give you my kinds words

Like their for free

What about me?

Something’s telling me death is my calling

But I stay in my thoughts

I’m fucking falling

Im always there for you

I’m alone

I wish I had someone who could be my home

Who could save me from this misery and death alone

But I’ll keep it to myself

I know you wanna die

But once I’m not here

I don’t want you to cry

It goes both ways

Trying my best to keep you satisfied

I’m thinking to much all the time. Craving these pills, finding, hoarding them to fill my body with numbness. Why don’t you save me, your gonna regret it. Stop crying for me, I’m not going to come back. Stop leaving me alone, you’ll end up alone forever.

I’m just trying to feel something anything

My thoughts consuming me

I need help, anything.

This life hurts to much I can’t breathe

I can’t think, I can’t eat, I can’t survive this anymore

Why don’t you save me

I’m begging you

I won’t be here for long

My world is blurry

It’s all In my head

I’m not enough

The pain you feel

I feel it to

My love,

Please don’t think your alone

I’m here

I’m scared of losing you

I wish you saw how beautiful you are

It’ll be okay I promise you

One day

This will all go away

I’m gone and I don’t expect myself to come back

I always dreamed of our lives intertwined together

but you pushed and controlled and demanded me till my bones ached

till my tears would no longer run down my face

Till my stomach would drop and I would starve for days

you beat the hope out of me

you beat me down till I felt weak and didn’t think I could ever grow

you only wanted what you wanted and I was here to sit alone

to keep my thoughts inside

to never show

the true love I was capable of giving

maybe one day you’ll regret it

but because you left I left

I want to leave this dark hole

Hoping I would left with you

but you bloomed me into a flower that I thought I’d never could become

you saved me from the pain of my self infliction

you are the rain that makes me grow

taking care of me, I was never alone

From now on I’ll be your rain and help you grow

i dont be feeling the safety

could be deceased

theres no fucking peace

stiff like my words

mistaken for a corps

bloodless on the floor

I hear your voice in my head

i feel your touch on my skin

and the words you said that broke my heart

I was to broken for you

now my time is due

Let me drown in my blood

let me disappear from your life