Tania Rubini Naidu

We live in a world where individuality is “sometimes” celebrated on the surface but hardly deep down.

Changing the perception of beauty is scary for many, but it’s easier to just carry on without change when those who can set new standards say “Why change something that is not broken”.

Think about it, if we could accept change and individuality deep down, do you think we would save many lives out there? Do you think that someone who was looking in the mirror feeling empty would believe for even a moment that what they saw was celebrated in the eyes of the outside world rather the deemed ugly/weird or not beautiful?

We set aside so much time to grow others but forget to give that same effort to ourselves. I guess that’s our nature,  we indirectly work on the struggles for others to satisfy the opinions of “them” when it’s not necessary. 

Who are we trying to please? When push comes to shove, many can leave and change but you are left with yourself and only yourself. The person who is going to look after you, give you time, cherish you and build you is not expected to be some external source, it happens to be internal, it happens to be you.  I don’t know but sometimes I don’t see eye to eye with the decisions I have made with my time. Although it is well and true to reflect but the purpose of reflecting is not to just maintain the same pattern, it’s to help you grow. 

There are pros and cons and generally in a reflection process you can figure out the cons and attempt to change them in your life but only if you really wish too. Time is never promised; it’s not given but it definitely is taken. I am sure that most of us do not nearly spend enough time with building ourselves, many do not even spend time on themselves period. Whether it be work, social or family, we allow ourselves to get into a routine of giving our valuable time to others. Given, we may have signed ourselves up for most of it and no one pushed us into dedicating our time to others but what happens when one day, there is hardly any time left? Do you sit there and wonder what you should have changed? Do you wonder if you still have time to squeeze a few things in? Do you sit there and regret that you spent time on things that truly had no value to you? 

I don’t always practice what I preach, I am not perfect, I do not have all the answers, but I do have the ability to change my path, my processes, and my time. Dedicating my time to distractions for all the wrong reasons takes away from my own growth. If I want to flourish, I have got to set aside time for me. Whether you figure that out today, tomorrow or 10 days from now, it’s you who has to act upon it.

Don’t forget, we may be here for a moment, a day or even years but if we sit down and reflect on the past and realise we didn’t concur what we wished, the only person we have let down is ourselves.

Set time for yourselves, those around you will just have to wait. Your time for others is only as good as the time you dedicate to yourself first.

I will admit that more times then less I have gone into a situation with full expectations but now a days slowly but surely I'm starting to learn that the less I expect the less disappointed I am if it doesn't pan out the way I want it too. 

The truth is, whether you go in with expectations or you don't the universe already knows what's going to happen and you can't change it, sure you can shift or adjust but what's meant to be will be and there's no two ways about it. Disappointments hurt, well they hurt me at least. I always feel a huge sense of pain when I am disappointed in something or someone. I guess I build myself up so who else do I blame, I expect others to treat me how I treat them but truth be told that shit doesn’t happen. I love more then I am loved at times, I care more  then others care about me or maybe they just care differently but In know I’m one to go the extra mile. I use to always see the negative when something didn't go to plan rather then seeing perspective. Trust me when i tell you this shit is not easy to get your head around nor have I got it together when I say look at it in another perspective but I am getting there.

  In life, you can't expect to be given back what you give out, you can't be loved the way you love, you can't be cared about the way you care, you can't put in the effort and expect others to do the same and you can't force others to do like you do. 

You just need to wholeheartedly do what you think is right and let everything else fall into or out of place. You don't have the power to change everything but you have the power to choose. You can choose to give and be happy or you can choose to give and wait for it to be return or not returned and live in disappointment because of your expectations.

If you don't like it then choose differently, that's in your power but don't sit around allowing yourself to be disappointed based on expectations. 

Could it have been that I chose to not see all the red flags, did I turn away from all that was handed to be on a silver platter because the inner me didn't want to believe that my trust was broken, the respect was gone but most importantly I was hurt.

Life gives you these situations where you endure some of the most painful emotions that you couldn't imagine you would go through. They hurt you to the core because deep down, you could never be like them, you could never be like that, you happen to just not be programmed like them. You view things differently and you know it but instead of trusting your gut you put that trust into someone who hasn't even been around as long as your instincts have. It takes a while to build trust but sadly, it takes only a moment to lose it but what happens when you've lost it? Do you remain friends with that person? do you just change the situations you have with them? do you walk away for good ? or do you choose to forgive and forget?

To be honest, I will never know the "right" answer. What I can say  is that every situation pans out differently and the person that makes that decision on what the outcome should be will only be handled by you. If you deal with the situation on your own terms, it will be you who will have a peace of mind down the line.

In life you don’t always know what to expect, let alone what is around the corner. We all seem to think we know what’s around the corner or how things are going to pan out. Truth be told, more times then often we have no clue what’s about to hit us.  You think you’ve got it all sorted out, you know where, when and what is going to happen until something unexpectedly changes everything and you’re back to stage one. This happens to so many people in life, whether it be in families, at work, in your career, in a relationship, or plain and simple just within you.

If I’ve learnt anything it’s that no matter what decision you make, you’ve got to make it on your own terms. You’ve got to know that you’re doing it for you and not for others and you’ve got to take it as a step forward into your journey not a step backwards or a loss.

Some of us strive to be the best versions of ourselves and it’s important to remember that if you do that, it takes many different versions of you to handle every event, or stage in your life that doesn’t always go to plan.

You are who you are, we’re not perfect, we all make mistakes, some a costly and some aren’t. We change things that don’t need to be changed and forget about the parts that we appreciated once upon a time. We break things we need to be put together, but truth be told, maybe those things were already broken, and the pieces just didn’t match. We say things to protect people but, in the end, we lose them for not thinking about the consequences.

We seek approval and attention from those who take us for granted and we turn our backs on the ones who did the absolute opposite. We forget the essence of time, but we also take for granted the time that is given to us by someone else. We move forward thinking it’s for the best but forget that to move forward you need to let go.

Change is a funny thing, you want it but then you don’t. You stick with it but then you reminisce about it later.

You did what you did at that time because you thought it was right, we’re not perfect, we just need to seek the rights in our wrongs and believe that as time passes we can work towards being better versions of us. That’s what change brings us, it brings us those unexpected experiences to realise, maybe we’re not as perfect as we thought we were in our eyes, but I want to be a better person…. FOR ME!

X

Have anyone of you heard the words “you can’t wear that” or “you shouldn’t wear that”? Did your blood boil or did you just mute and agree? In our day and age the thought of people being told what they should and shouldn’t wear in a negative way drives me nuts. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about people giving constructive feedback where wanted or help where advised, I’m talking about the nerve of some people who pass comments with no care in the world for other people’s emotions.

This topic came to mind when I was grabbing a hot chocolate this week after work, a group of girls were outside the store as I walked out searching for my phone in my handbag (my life story). I halted near the entrance to try and search for it when I overheard these girls having a conversation with a plus sized young lady. Now I just want to say that this girl was gorgeous, she had stunning tanned skin, green eyes and black hair that complimented it all and her shape and size didn’t even matter. Her mates were talking about swim suits and one of the young ladies turned to this girl and said “oh can you even fit a swim suit” Now I’m astonished to hear that let alone to hear the reply of the girl who calmly said “Yeah I can fit some I guess but I don’t feel comfortable so I just wear shorts and a t-shirt”.

As an outsider to the group listening in I couldn’t judge what her relationship was with those girls but all I could tell is she did get a bit hurt when she was asked that as she went from smiling and happy to having her head down the rest of the conversation. I finally managed to find my phone and that’s when the ladies began to depart leaving the other young lady behind, as they were walking away she shouted out to her friends “Bye , stay beautiful”, in which one of her friends replied “ We will, you look cute but your skirt makes you look bigger then you already are so don’t wear it” and off she went.

You could imagine how ticked off I was to hear that, and me being me I approached the young lady. I introduced myself and asked if I could say something to her. I told her she was beautiful, I loved her eyes and I finished off with…..  ….. “Regardless of your shape and size or your relationship with a person, you should never let anyone put you down and speak to you like that, you may of not of been offended by what she said to you because you might think it’s coming from good place but just like how I overheard your conversation, what if someone else thought it was okay to speak to a person like that. Would you call that bullying or tough love?” She continued telling me that it was tough sometimes being that shape and size and that at school she use to get bullied a lot for it,  I told her that off course it may seem like it’s easy for me to give you my opinion because I’ve not been your shape and size but however I have been bullied for my shape, size and colour. I told her a little story and she started to smile a bit more knowing she could relate to it, I told her that constructive feedback on your attire is always helpful but never is it demanded to push a change. You wear what you want, if you want help or would like to try something new you shouldn’t worry about what anyone else says, you should give it a go and wear it with confidence cause that’s the key. 

I told her that her skirt was fine and she looked super cute in her black denim skirt, white t shirt and denim jacket. She had style, she wore it on her own, she just needed to wear it with confidence.

Ladies, words can be damaging without us even knowing it, we deal with so many other things on a day to day basis that not loving yourself is not even an option.  Body shaming consciously or unconsciously is not okay, it’s not okay to tease someone or joke about it even if their laughing because only they know what they are feeling on the inside. It’s not okay for us to go against one another and most importantly it’s not okay to be friends with people who speak to you like that…. stand your ground, respect yourself, love one another for whatever shape and size you or they are. 

x

It’s not the first time I’ve heard of it and it won’t be the last but how many of us out there get to a point with certain people in our lives where you become content with not bothering with them anymore?

Unfortunately or fortunately, whichever way you see it I finally got to that point. Now I’m not the type to give up easily but I am the type to change drastically if I’ve been taken for granted. Now I’m not perfect and I know that but what really intrigues me is when people react to your change in attitude towards them but won’t stop to question why it is you’ve changed and start to complain behind your back about how you’re this and that.

Whatever stage you are at in life, you will come across people who will pass by you and some whom you will outgrow. In prior years I use to bend over backwards to continue having them in my life and 90% of those forced friendships went downhill real quick.  I guess for me there came a time in life when I decided that I no longer wanted to waste my time and energy on people who don’t appreciate me and who will point out every negative aspect towards  me  but will act like saying something polite was like pulling teeth out.

All I can say now is there is a reason for the change in character with those around you; some may be for the better and some for the worse. Whether you are on the receiving end or the changing end, remember that it is important to be true to yourself. When push comes to shove you will be judged based on your own characteristics so whatever you choose to be, make sure that it is someone you can handle receiving positive and negative feedback about whilst still remaining true to you.

Being different will always turn heads, being true to yourself will always bring you happiness.

C'est la vie

There are many who make the mistake of following things for all the wrong reasons, especially when it comes to style and fashion.  Many of us follow “trending fashion” but we also neglect to understand that style and fashion are two different things. Although they tie in with one another but they have their own separate purpose.  I don’t blame those who have crossed that path of thinking they are the same thing because once upon a time I did exactly that. As time has progressed I’ve learnt to identify the differences but also incorporate them into my personal presentation.

Let’s get down to some explaining, Fashion is what you see when you walk through the mall and stores have clothing racks full of garments for you to purchase. You can buy fashion, but you can’t buy style ( or at least I hope you don’t). Style is shown on the display unit of the retail store where the mannequin is wearing an example of how you can wear that retailer’s product, it’s the outfit you create when you assemble the clothing you have bought.

Why is having style important?

I personally think style is important because it’s about personal presentation, it’s about point of difference but essentially, it’s a form of expressing yourself.

Dare I say it but we judge people on a day to day basis on what they look like, some of us more than others. When a peer walks into uni looking like they woke up and turned up to class in their PJ’s or a work colleague decided that wrinkled pieces of clothing, untidy grooming and the lack of personal presentation is how they are going to look today, we will have an opinion. Some of us may not say anything, hell most of us would probably not say anything but it doesn’t mean you don’t have an opinion towards personal presentation.

I for one think it’s important to have a style of your own as it is a representation of yourself, your personal outer and your personality.

For me personal style has helped me in many ways, whether it be opening doors for potential employers or giving me that slight lead for my future endeavors, it’s created a visual image of me that is seen by other individuals on a day to day basis or even strangers for that matter. Most of us are aware of how important first impressions can be but also how nerve racking it is to sit in front of someone , open your mouth and sell yourself. With personal presentation ticked you can break the ice before even opening your mouth. Employers can appreciate a well groomed individual, even if they don’t say it aloud…. It’s definitely something we keep an eye out for.

Am I to self-obsess if I care about how I look?

To be honest, this is the type of topic that could go back and forth and around in circles. We all have different opinions and we all see subjects differently. I’ve heard and seen the whole” If you’ve got confidence and a good personality then you don’t have to dress well” conversation happen right in front of me but  I just want to say that some of the worlds most idealised people regardless of sector, are very well dressed. Now whether they dress themselves, have a stylist, only cared when they became successful etc, they still are well groomed people to date. This doesn’t take away from their confidence, personality or even their career but it does add another point on the scoreboard of making them an idol.

All I’m saying is take some pride in your personal presentation and do it for you not anyone else. When you present the best form of yourself, others will absorb only that.

“I feel confident and in my best form when I’m dressed well, there’s a “butterflies in my tummy” kind of feeling when someone compliments my outfit. Although the compliment is for the outfit, I understand it as a compliment about myself, about my presentation, about my choices, about me as an individual. It gives me that push to keep doing it and build that name, that identity, that personal presentation standard. I do it for me, not for approval and not for anyone else”.

x

The morning at the Naidu’s residents has been a very culturally filled morning as today we celebrate Tamil New Year.

Growing up in New Zealand my parents have always taught me the importance of embracing our culture. Having a multicultural background meant we were constantly celebrating occasions throughout the year. The colour, the food, the traditions, the rituals, it has all been a learning experience and still is. It’s safe to say that I didn’t really appreciate all of this until I turned 16 or so, I suppose that’s when I learnt to understand everything too.

In the day and age that I have grown up in it seems like more people want to blend in rather than stand out. I find it so unfortunate that there are so many people out there especially those of the younger generation who think that learning their family language, wearing their cultural attire, participating in traditional/ cultural events or even just generally being associated with their culture and heritage is too much of a difference for them to want to participate in.  

My own personal style has evolved from all those characteristics above and I wish more people embraced it in their lives too. As time has progressed I have learnt to be okay with being different and being known as being exactly that.... Different!

Style wise, I personally think it’s quite cool and trendy to be able to mix and match your background with your everyday style. Sure, it’s not something that everyone chooses to do but it seems nowadays designers themselves are sourcing ideas and designs from culturally inspired garments.

Never shy away from that of what your family has taught you, religion shouldn’t divide you or separate you from anyone, cultures can be embraced by anyone from any walks of life and more importantly everyone can learn about diverse cultural experiences if they choose too. Nothing should stop you from learning, respecting and appreciating the cultures, religions and traditions of those around you.

Add your own touch to the way you look, that is what separates you from the lot, standing out and being an individual should cause no fear, embracing your background doesn’t make you weird, it’s a notch on the belt of how different you really are!

(Top: Purchased on my travels in Babu Baazar in Jaipur, Pants: A gift )

To those celebrating around the world I wish you all a very Happy Tamil New Year, Happy Vaisakhi, Happy Vishu, Happy Songkran and Happy Easter.

Never fear to distinguish oneself

No doubt that some of you would have thought something totally different about the title of this post but now now let’s get our heads out of the gutter haha.

(Denim Jacket- Factorie, White Shirt - Bought on my travels, Glitter top- Op-shop)

I’ve learnt over the years that I tend to always find a white shirt dress in my wardrobe. I don’t know what it is but regardless of how many times I clean out my clothing, it’s like I’m prone to buying a white shirt dress. To be honest it’s quite handy, there are multiple ways you can wear a white shirt dress let alone multiple things you can do with it. I can’t say that I often just wear it on its own as a shirt dress but no doubt that’s also one way to rock it.

White shirt dresses are so affordable and accessible in our local clothing stores. Over the years, I’ve had multiple different ones from Glassons, Jay Jays, Valley Girl, Top Shop, Zara but the one in the images I bought from a boutique in Malaysia.

(Khaki Green Dress - Glassons, Boots- Mi Piaci)

You have to be careful with the quality of the shirt dress though, especially being white some materials can come off looking too thin and may conclude in you showing everyone what’s going on under the dress (wink wink). If you’ve got a father like mine then you’ll be programmed in checking to make sure if the dress is see through and then slipping some biker shorts on to save yourself from a lecture when he sees you if it is.

(Hat- Rubi, Glasses- Markets, Jumper- Stolen, Kindly borrowed from a friend)

White shirt dresses can also make good throw overs or under layers. From the images, you can see I’m big on using them as a under layer and that’s just because I like the look of a crisp white item under all the fun stuff going on above it.

Seriously girls, pairing up a white shirt dress is no hard task. The blank canvas that it is helps you draw in different items and colours to make an outfit stand out. Make it your own and rock it with confidence. 

Ciao for now, 

Tania R Naidu - Distinguish Oneself