If you can dream it you can do it.

—-

We were 25 years old.

“Ok, Michael, I’d like you to make your intro from the top stair there. Start slowly walking down to join your brothers after the fireworks go off behind you. Everything else we will keep the same, everybody!” The director for the commercial advised.

I sat in a folding chair next to Katherine in the crew area. I decided this morning I wanted to surprise Michael at work because I knew he wasn’t thrilled to be doing the commercial in the first place. I mentioned what I was doing to Katherine and she asked to tag along. She didn’t often get to see her boys working like this and thought it would be fun.

The director returned to his spot behind the camera, “Ready…places… action!”

The music sprang to life once more, a moment later the fire canon at the back of the stage erupted showering the air behind Michael with sparks. He took one step, then another, my stomach dropped, something wasn’t right. Katherine gasped and I saw the fire spark to life in his hair half a moment before he felt it.

I jumped to my feet yelling, “Michael!”

In the same breath his hands flew to his scalp in an attempt to stifle the growing blaze. It felt like time stood still, what was less than a minute felt like an eternity. I suddenly knew nothing other than what was happening in front of me. I probably couldn’t have remembered my name if someone asked. Jackie quickly removed the jacket he wore, and threw it over Michael’s head, holding it to him and patting the garment to make sure it smothered the flame. Michael fell to the floor with the commotion, Jackie falling with him still holding the jacket wrapped around Michael. All at once it was like time sped up again and I was able to move. I ran to him falling to my knees, Katherine not far behind standing over us. Marlon stood pulling Michael up with him as first responders rushed onto the scene.

Michael lay in the hospital bed with a medical cap and bandages holding it in place wrapped around his head.

“I can’t believe this. I’m so sorry, Michael.” Tears spilled from my eyes for what felt like the hundredth time in the past few hours, I squeezed his hand.

“What if I have to wear a wig? What if I have a big scar in the middle of my head? I’ll look even uglier.” His eyes bore into mine desperately looking for answers and reassurance.

“You could never be ugly.”

“I already am.”

“Don’t say that. You’re the most beautiful, handsome, and sexiest man there is.” I end the sentiment with a playful wink and wiggle my eyebrows.

“Don’t say that,” he blushes, a small smile threatening the corner of his mouth.

“But it’s the truth.”

“You have to say that, I’m your husband.”

“I love you, Pan.”

“I love you more, Darling.”

I took his chin in my hand and peppered his face with kisses until he smiled.

—-

We were 26 years old.

It was the final night of the Victory Tour and Michael was pacing his dressing room.

“I still don’t know if I can do this, Darling.”

“You can. You can do anything you set your mind to. You are brave, you are the confident.”

“I am brave. I am confident,” Michael repeated the mantras back helping to soothe his nervous energy.

“You got this, Pan,” I assured with a smile. When Michael glanced over at me, I winked.

“You really think so?”

“I know so.”

“Listen up-” Michael announced to the roaring audience later that evening, “I’d like to say… this is our last and final tour.”

I glanced sidelong to where Joseph was standing a few feet away from me backstage. His mouth slowly fell open as he registered what Michael had just said.

“And.. this is our farewell tour,” it was obvious that Michael’s confidence that usually accompanies him onstage was not with him in this moment “You’ve all been wonderful, it’s been a long twenty years and we love you all.”

His brothers shared quick glances amongst themselves behind him. It was obvious they were surprised but trying not to show it on stage.

“What the hell did you just do, boy,” Joseph muttered, shaking his head in disbelief. It was then that he seemed to recall my presence. “This your doing?”

“It is not. But I support his decision 100%.”

“Oh, so you support him abandoning his family then? Not caring about his brothers, not caring about me who made him who he is?”

“Michael is a genius. His success was not dependent on you.”

“He’s an idiot. What kind of man turns their back on their-”

“Michael!” I cut Joseph off when the boys began to make their way off stage. I ran into Michael’s arms, holding him tight as I whispered “Come on let’s get out of here.” Before Joseph even had a chance to approach him.

I grabbed his hand, almost running back to his dressing room with him. I lock the door once we are inside and gently shove his back against it.

“I’m so proud of you,” I whisper onto his lips before crashing mine against his.

—-

We were 29 years old.

“I can’t believe it’s ready,” Michael was giddy with excitement as we sat on the floor of our room in Hayvenhurst, Muscles the snake draped across Michael as Bubbles sat in my lap.

Bubbles was playing with a necklace I wore, carefully examining the different colored beads occasionally trying to nibble at them.

“We will have so much room for our animals,” he continued “It will be a whole zoo!”

“I can’t wait! I want more cats- big cats, house cats it doesn’t even matter.” I giggled.

Soon, Michael and I would be moving into our new home. But it was so much more than just a home, it was an entire ranch. It was something we had only dreamed of since we were kids. It would be used as a refuge for us as well as family, friends, and our beloved animals. We want to ensure that everyone within its gates would only know peace.

We would call it Neverland.

“You know,” Michael started with a tinge of pink on his cheeks and a sparkle in his eye,“there will be plenty of room for children.”

His comment made me freeze. I stared at him with a look bordering on panicked.

“What- we always talked about having kids. Oh please Darling, don’t tell me you’ve changed your mind, I want to be a father so bad.” He was rambling like he always tended to when he was nervous.

“No, no, it’s not that. It’s just I can’t remember when the last time I got my period was.”

His jaw fell open slightly from surprise for only a moment before a wide toothy grin appeared on his face, “Do you really think this could mean-“

“I don’t know I need a test.”

“Bill!” Michael’s sudden yell startled me as he jumped up from his seated position with Muscles.

He opened the door and I heard him sprint halfway down the hall, sounding like he pretty much ran right into Bill with his nervous energy.

“I need you to do me a favor- can you please go purchase some pregnancy tests? As soon as you can Bill, please.” Michael was a bundle of nerves tripping over his words but his face still held that giant smile.

“I’ll put Muscles away.” He muttered to no one in particular when LaToya poked her head out of her room.

“Did someone say pregnancy tests?!” She screeched.

“Who’s pregnant?” Janet asked frantically, stepping into the hallway.

“Janet you’re pregnant?!” This time it was Marlon opening his door to the commotion.

“No, I asked WHO is pregnant.”

“Somebody’s pregnant?” Great, now sweet Miss Katherine was mixed up in all this.

I buried my face in my hands and let out a small laugh not sure why I also felt like crying could be appropriate. Bubbles mimicked my action causing me to let out another huff of anxious laughter.

Michael began ascending the stairs after having put Muscles back in his enclosure, he put up his hands in an attempt to calm the situation as he walked into the chaotic scene.

“My darling wife is pregnant!” He then announced.

“We don’t know that,” I exclaimed, silly me for thinking Michael was going to extinguish this jumbled family dialogue and not add more fuel to the fire.

An hour later I found myself sitting on the edge of the tub in the bathroom, holding both of Michael’s hands, his right leg bouncing anxiously as we waited for the timer on his watch to tell us three minutes has passed. We both kept glancing nervously towards the bathroom sink where the tests laid facedown like one of them would jump up and bite us. The entire family had gathered outside the bathroom door, another reason I was thankful my husband and I would soon have our own home. I loved how invested they were, but in a moment like this where emotions ran high I wish it was just the two of us. Although, they did try to make it as discreet as possible since it was quiet outside the door aside from the occasional ‘shhh’.

When his watch beeped we both jumped and I heard anxious shuffling and whispers outside. We looked at each other before he gave my hands a gentle squeeze as we stood.

“At the count of three we turn over the tests together. No matter what it says, I love you. I love you so much.” I nodded at Michael’s words knowing tears would escape if I tried to speak.

“One… two… three.” I gasped audibly and covered my mouth with my hand. My panicked eyes immediately searched Michael’s for validation. He barked a laugh as tears sprang to his eyes.

“You ok?” His eyes immediately softened, looking for an answer in mine.

I nodded my head, tears spilling over, “We’re going to have a baby.”

“We’re going to have a baby.” He repeated whispering, leaning in to kiss me.

It was slow and sweet. His kiss conveyed the happiness and warmth words never could.

“Enough is enough already, what did it say?” Janet’s voice came through the door with a pounding knock.

We were 6 years old.

My family had just moved to Jackson St in Gary, Indiana after my father received a transfer at work. I was outside building a snow man when I heard commotion coming from the next door. The back door of their house slammed and a boy about my age hastily trudged into the yard, sniffling before the cold could even reach him.

He reached about the middle of his yard before he stopped and looked around, seeming to realize he had no real destination and wasn’t sure where his feet had taken him. His arms wrapped around himself then, I wasn’t quite sure if it was to ward off the cold or protect himself from whatever had just transpired, maybe a little of both, maybe he didn’t know either.

My eyes met his, his were large with golden brown irises that shown with the promise of unshed tears.

“Hi” I greeted barely above a whisper, no fence separated us.

“Hi” the simple greeting cracked with sadness on its way out of his throat.

“Do you want to build a snowman with me?”

I offered holding a handful of snow in his direction as if he may have trouble locating any more of the substance falling from the sky and blanketing the ground.

“Sure.” He murmured walking over and reaching for the snowball in my hand.

“Wait! Here-“ I hurriedly pulled one of my white knit gloves off dropping the snowball I was holding in the process. I shoved the garment in his direction, “we can share so you don’t get cold.”

“Ok thanks” he gingerly accepted my offering slipping the glove onto his right hand. He examined it with a small smile.

With my left I grabbed another fistful of snow and handed it to him with a smile.

“My name is Susan. I’m six.”

“I’m six too! Six and a half actually. Oh and my name is Michael.”

—-

We were 13 years old.

Michael had moved to California about a year ago and we missed each other terribly. I had other kids I talked to in school but nobody ever understood me like Michael and I know he felt the same about me. We had been inseparable ever since we met.

We wrote letters to each other and talked on the phone often.

“Susan you have a lett- geez!”

I excitedly swiped the letter from my mother before she could even finish her sentence.

I opened it as gingerly as possible given the amount of excitement I felt.

Hi Susan!!!

It’s Apple Head!

Look I drew Snow White, I know she’s your favorite princess because she loves animals as much as we do!

I’ll call you tonight.

Miss you,

Michael

This note would go right in the folder where I kept all his letters under my bed. I had been waiting for this letter ever since Michael called me three days ago to tell me he sent it and had drawn something special for me.

I had spent every day since tearing off teeny tiny pieces of paper from my mom’s old magazines until I had a pretty decent pile of ‘confetti’. I couldn’t wait to put it in the envelope with the next letter I sent Michael to surprise him when he opened it and it would spill all over him.

——-

We were 16 years old.

“Left foot yellow.”

My family had moved to California a couple of years ago after my father was offered a job with a movie production company. He was a fantastic equipment mechanic and could take any machine apart, fix it, and reassemble it in no time. His boss in Gary had mentioned to him that CA always had jobs for people like him who could work on the upkeep of film and sound equipment, after my father had mentioned how miserable his only child had been after her best friend moved away. My father decided to look into it just to see if what his boss mentioned held any merit and sure enough he was able to find something that paid enough to warrant us moving. I was ecstatic when I found out.

So, Michael and I found ourselves inseparable once again.

“No you can’t lift your hand up, that’s cheating!”

“I didn’t!”

“You did!”

I giggled as a tried to maneuver my body on the Twister mat laid out on the floor in Michael’s living room at Hayvenhurst. To say I spent all of my time here would be an understatement. The plastic made a quiet thump as I slapped my foot down on the circle, slightly slipping in my socks.

Michael was laughing and I looked up from where I was studying my foot placement to find myself face to face with him.

It was as if all the air from my lungs left when I realized just how close our faces were. He bit his bottom lip with an anxious smile. All of a sudden, I found myself having trouble meeting those beautiful brown eyes I’ve become so familiar with. I felt a flutter in my stomach as I kept looking everywhere on his face except those spellbinding eyes.

He huffed a nervous laugh and I felt his warm breath on my cheeks with our proximity. His gaze kept flickering from my mouth to my eyes as we drew closer still, both of us seemingly unaware of our actions as if being slowly pulled together by magnets. My eyes fluttered shut, my face tilting slightly, as I felt his breath on my lips right before they touched his.

—

We were 20 years old.

“Let’s get married.”

Michael and I were sitting on a sofa in Hayvenhurst watching Three Stooges. Michael sat with his feet up on the coffee table, his arm around me, and a bowl of popcorn in his lap. I leaned into the crook of his shoulder, an arm draped loosely around his middle while laying across the couch.

“What did you just say?” I asked knowing I must not have heard him correctly since his eyes still focused on the tv, laughing at the program as if he didn’t just casually suggest becoming husband and wife.

This time he turned to look at me, eyes shining, a large smile plastered on his lips, “I said we should get married. We are going to anyway, why not now?”

I laughed in disbelief, “Oh are we?”

“Yeah. Of course.”

“Nobody told me that.”

“I’m pretty sure I mentioned it when we were 8. But that’s fine we can wait a little longer if you want. I’m not going anywhere.”

With an exasperated laugh I said, “Yes let’s wait a little longer. I’d at least like to finish this show.”

With a laugh he agreed “Ok darling.”

—-

We were 22 years old.

Michael was on the stage with his brothers, the crowd was electric. I watched in awe as he glided across the stage any move he made was seamless.

I anxiously bounced on the balls of my feet to the music, from the side of the stage with Joseph at my left as we watched on.

The boys took their final bows as the concert ended then ran off stage in our direction.

Michael opened his arms and I crashed directly into his chest running to him. We laughed as he picked me up and spun me around before kissing me hard on the lips.

Tito wolf whistled in our direction.

“Ah you’re so sweaty!” I giggled as he playfully burrowed his face in my neck making sure to rub his damp hair on the side of my face.

“You love it” he giggled taking the bottle of orange juice from me, gulping it down in seconds.

I saw Joseph rolling his eyes at us from my peripherals and laughed.

——-

We were 24 years old.

“You may now kiss the bride.”

Our families erupted into applause, cheers, and whistling as Michael’s arms snaked around my waist dipping me for our first kiss as a married couple.

We were married in my parents’ back yard, where no paparazzi would ever think to look. The 7 foot privacy fence wasn’t so bad either.

Michael wore a blue military style jacket, black slacks, and his signature loafers. I dressed in an antique style lace white wedding dress, my hair braided into a crown with small wildflowers placed throughout.

“Took you long enough, Mike!” Marlon shouted causing Michael to blush, rolling his eyes while he tried to bite back the smile on his lips.

“Hey, I wanted to marry you years ago.” He whispered into my ear, leaving a soft kiss on my ear lobe.

I giggled squeezing his hand, turning to face him and melting into those eyes.

Our wedding was just our immediate family and a few close friends. Michael was no stranger to overwhelmingly large crowds and we wanted to keep things intimate for our big day.

Soon we were slow dancing at our reception. A big beautiful tent had been set up in the yard with a makeshift dance floor.

Michael’s arms draped lazily around my hips holding me close to him while mine rested on his shoulders my hands playing with the hair on the back of his neck. Our faces mimic each others nuzzling into each other’s neck.