Sonder with me

My heart still aches.

I am

upset

it didn't work.

You're so avoidant when we are together, and so attentive when we are not. You fuck with my emotions and try to pull me back in.

Being overly nice and 180ing from how you normally are is cruel, honestly. Offering food after I say I need space.

The nicest thing you could have done was to give me actual space. It just sucks because the nice shit you've done is like, objectively really nice. Saying we can be just friends but getting me into a magazine, an ad worth $2000... and still wanting me to go to France with you on your work trip.

Basically a free week in Provence. An inclusive experience. My heart breaks because staying in the same room as you, despite separate beds, gives me insane anxiety.

This last relationship has broken my heart more than I would have thought. You never felt like the one, but the push and pull fucked up my nervous system. I learned about the anxious / avoidant attachment style. I can see why it's so hard for some people to leave toxic dynamics. Because I was in one and it took 3 times for me to actually go.

I am healing, I'll be okay. I am just