Just words

I’m 18 weeks pregnant and gave in in the middle of a really rough day. I don’t feel guilty yet, but maybe that will change.

And gaining weight really fast. I’m only 16 weeks, but I feel like I’ve been pregnant as long as I can remember. I don’t really miss the weed and the wine, but I do miss being allowed to escape at any moment. I guess this is what adulthood looks like. Grounding yourself in your own shit til the flowers bloom... No longer just another leaf blowing in the wind.

It’s been more than a while and I’ve taken the peace that I’d previously found here, in this community for granted.

The spaces have faces less obvious Than the ones you may see within strangers The spaces have faces begged to be touched So you must be peaceful with your mind’s anger

While I plan out my escape In the wet Louisiana heat

but im back.

She dances the way I would Alone Or in my mind Out loud At a restaurant In front of strangers In front of lovers With no abandon Sings how I wish The birds in my chest Would escape The way I wish I would Let my words fly away In the bathroom Near a grand piano Along the car ride In a field of lillies Sleeps like a babe With no shoulders To glance over At Night In the morning Across desert afternoons Her eyes A way out of my head

I can never sleep through the night here Always pinching myself awake from dreams To see if I am still alive If you are still here So that I may Fall back into this world Twenty times into your arms But on the 21st I am alone Back home in my own bed Wishing I could fall asleep And back into your arms Another dozen times Your bottom lip Your crossed legs The way you stroked my soft parts Ferociously Things I can't get out of my head Simmer along While I hope for more to watch You step back into your days Like before me I fall back into the folds of your comfort In my poetry I have left too much with you