Too gay to think

:3

:3

:3

:3

:3

:³

:𝟛

A mistake.

Back in the early 1900s when vampire lore went mainstream with Bram Stoker’s Dracula, the lore that was original to the vampire idea was that they needed to sleep in some of the dirt where they were buried. In fact in the original 1920 something Nosferatu he has to transport crates of the cursed soil where he was buried around if he wants to travel. That’s the origin of the coffin thing. So, if you’re a vampire, sleep ends up becoming like a return to your grave that you have to do every night day, but now your grave can be anywhere that your coffin sits with some of the burial soil. That aspect of the myth of vampires has faded away with time, but that’s the origin of it at least. I know nobody was looking for a real answer but, there it is.

wait so technically vampires are vegetarians

op elaborate

blood is a non-meat animal product, like diary or eggs. that counts as vegetarian don't it

if a vampire only feeds on villagers it finds wandering around in a haunted forest or whatever, that counts as both eating local and free-range

#well. it counts as eating locals

“i’m a fearsome indestructible monster of lore whose one shocking weakness is fire” buddy everyone’s weakness is fire

“zombies/vampires/witches/frankensteins can be burned to death” buddy who can’t

“zombies can be killed by cutting off their heads” dude I got news for you about how heads work

“a stake to the heart will kill a–EVERYBODY, IT KILLS EVERYBODY

“silver bullets” explain to me your understanding of the purpose and function of a bullet

fuck that mess, u know whom i respect? Wicked Witch of the West getting melted by a bucket of fucking mop water. that is some Grade A Classy Shit TM. who gets killed by a bucket of dirty water??? no one, literally nobody else. just that one weird green witch. now THAT is how you build a fucking brand

In the Enchanted Forest Chronicles, wizards can be melted using soapy water mixed with a little bit of lemon juice.

#this method has been proven not to work without the lemon juice

they’re just really excited

I would not be surprised if the notes on all of Gaud’s posts were like that

oh my stars i really deserve some Head Pats

yes, i will bite you in retaliation. yes, if you let that dissuade you from your duty your are a Scoundrel and a Cur.

i really blacked out and forgot cats existed. i was so overwhelmed by my primal need for 1) genuine-but-delineated physical affection, and 2) The Bite™

not "i ship it bc of the romantic potential" but "i ship it bc both characters are uniquely bizarre and i yearn to gaze into the flames of the trashfire such a team-up would ignite"

I'm not going to lie to you the terrors of this world really do fuck me up sometimes