The End Of The Line

It is said that you don’t have just one soul mate but a soul family. There are souls with whom you’ve traveled through space and time for millennia. You may all change roles and dynamics but, at the core, your souls have always been a unit. Sometimes though, there is one soul that your soul is drawn to. One soul that matches yours so perfectly and so completely that you might consider them your most perfect mate. But, since this is real life and not some fairy porn romance, not everyone finds their mate. Hell most people don’t even believe in that sort of thing. But it's as real as any of the horrible things we hunt. And, damn me to hell, Dean Winchester is mine. 

Most people aren’t even aware there is such a thing as a soul bond. But I can see the energy of the bond between people. The bond between lovers is the strongest connection there is. And, the only way to lock it into place is if both lovers acknowledge and accept it. If it’s ever broken, the pair rarely survive. 

How do I know all of these things? Well I come from a long line of psychics. My mother Pamela had the unfortunate experience of doing business with the Winchesters. Didn’t end well for her. She’s fine now. We chat. In fact, she’s the one who led me to these boys. Not without many words of caution.  But, they always seem to be in a bind so here I am. And I’ve been here for five years since I’ve graduated.

I was supposed to be a lawyer. I went to law school. Passed the bar. Had an offer at a big firm in New York too. But, duty called or some shit like that. My mom talks to me usually in my dreams. We mostly catch up just like any mom and kid would if they lived far away from one another. One night she came to me so vividly that I swear she was corporeal. “Baby girl, you have to get to South Dakota. Find Bob Singer. He needs you to help him find his boys.” She practically screamed at me. I left two hours later. Never went back. 

I hadn’t seen Bobby Singer since I was a kid. After Mom left to chase greener pastures, I stayed behind with my dad. For my safety she never told anyone about me. Bobby was the only hunter who knew. 

As soon as he saw me that fateful morning, I watched the relief wash over his face. “‘Mom sent me.” I said as I shouldered past him. 

“Damn glad to see you, kid.” I helped him find Sam and Dean. Helped him fight a jinn. That was the first time I ever stabbed something. I wish I could say it was my last. When we freed the boys and got them back on their feet, Dean stared into my eyes and with actual gratitude and something like recognition in his eyes and said, “Thank you for your help…..I’m sorry” he laughed softly, “I don’t even know your name.” 

“Jessamine. Like the flower. But everyone calls me Jesse. You knew my mother. Pamela.” He laughed and then smiled at me in a way that stopped my heart. That’s when I knew. I knew that he was my soulmate because I recognized him too. In every conceivable way he was mine and I was his. Too bad Dean Winchester doesn’t believe in soulmates. 

So, for the last five years, I’ve been following behind him and Sam saving people and hunting things like it was also my birthright. I rode couches and slept in seedy motels until they found the bunker. Now I stay here to “do research”. Sometimes I babysit the angel who blinded my mother and Lucifer’s kid. Fun times. The boys never let me hunt with them anymore. I got kidnapped by the king of hell one time and they never let me out with them again. 

It’s just as well. The longer I ignore my bond with Dean the more it tears me apart. I can see it eating at him too. He looks at me differently now. Less like a sister and more like someone he would actually want to fuck. One night we even got drunk enough that we almost tumbled into bed together. Almost. I’ve never seen him sober up that fast. His rejection sent me spiraling into a depression that I couldn’t shake. It doesn’t make it any better that Cas and Jack can see my bond with Dean clear as crystal. I forbid them from telling him. It would only complicate things. Dean doesn’t think he deserves happiness. He’s said as much more times than I care to count. So I just sit back and let our bond slowly eat away at both of us. 

In any case the boys were on their way back from taking down a vamp nest. Nothing major. Just another day at the office. Jack and I finished cataloging a few things Rowena left behind and I’m headed to bed when I hear the familiar clang of the door. Instead of going out to greet them I scurried off to bed. Dean's scent after a hunt is too much for me to handle. I have to control myself but it’s getting too difficult. Best if I just keep to myself. 

While I brush my teeth I could hear Dean’s gruff voice and the sound of bottle caps hitting the glass table. Doesn’t sound like things went well. I hesitated but turned down the corridor to my room when I ran smack into Cas. He stared down at me with a grave expression. “Save it, Cas. I’m a big girl. I can handle myself.” 

“How can you take this? I’ve seen true soulmates turn themselves inside out for each other. How can you just let it fester? It will never go away, Jesse.”

I had to. These boys were my family and I loved them, something fierce but nothing good comes from being in love. Not in this world. It’ll end bloody. “Just drop it.” I said quietly, not noticing him looking over my shoulder. 

“Drop what?” My spine stiffened. My eyes plead with Castiel to steady his face. He was such a shitty liar. Before he could open his mouth I turned to Dean yawning. 

“Nothing. I’m going to bed. Glad you both came home in one piece.” I tried to walk away but Dean was in the mood to fight. That’s how he dealt with stuff sometimes. I noticed Sam had already retreated to his corner with Eileen. He probably got the brunt of it on the way back. 

“Out with it, J. If you have something to say, say it.” His eyes were hardened glass clear and laser focused on mine. These are the times when my knees are weak and I can’t muster up my quick wit. Every instinct in my body was urging me to touch him, feel his warmth, soothe him. 

“I have nothing to say. You know I get antsy when you two are gone for too long. And save the speech about this being the lifestyle. I know it is. Is it a crime to give a crap about you?” He softened a little, letting his face relax. 

“No. It’s not. Come on. Have a beer with me. I feel like less of an alcoholic when you drink with me.” A smile tugged at his lips not quite reaching his eyes. I fought the bond hard and won this time thank goodness.  

“You don’t need me. Not when Casa Erotica 27 dropped this morning” I sang.  The dopey grin on his face told me I was in the clear. 

“I love how you know me so well.” He kissed the top of my head and practically skipped to his room. I let out a sigh and went to my room still aching for him. Sleep wouldn’t come easy for me tonight. It rarely did. 

The next morning I went to the kitchen to make some coffee and Sam was already awake. Eileen must have already left. She preferred to keep her place in Lebanon, KS to escape the constant talk of hunting though her upbringing was just as bad as Sam and Dean. I couldn’t blame her for wanting a place to retreat to when things were quiet. 

Sam was already at work looking for the next job. The two of us have developed a routine in the morning that consisted mostly of grunts and raised eyebrows to communicate. I knew how he took his coffee and eggs. He always had the lemon water waiting for me at the table. Sam was easy to get along with and I appreciated his willingness to be quiet in the morning. 

He finally broke the silence as he cleared the breakfast dishes. “I think I found something in Lincoln. You up for a drive?” I was shocked but kept my cool. No way Dean was going to agree. 

“What are we looking at?” 

“A string of bizarre deaths all classified as ‘broken heart syndrome’. But get this, all of the victims are relatively young. Usually occurs in women. But every one of the victims are male and under 50.” 

He turned his laptop towards me so I could see the article in the local paper. “Weird. So what does this have to do with me?” 

“Their partners have all gone missing and were later found sucked dry.” He said warily. 

“Vamps?” I continued to read looking for answers. 

“I was thinking an Incubus. They don’t leave a lot of evidence behind other than the body of their victims. They rarely strike in the same place twice. There are ten victims…5 couples. I thought maybe if you were near the bodies, you could get an echo or something. Maybe sense what happened.” 

I was definitely up for a little adventure. “Yep. I can be ready in twenty.” Sam and I left the kitchen to get ready while Dean was still asleep. No sense in waking him. A few minutes later I heard the two of them arguing. 

“Absolutely not. Not after what happened last time.” Dean barked. 

“The Crowley situation has been dealt with. It’s ancient history. She’s ready to get back out there with us. And, frankly, we need her help.” Sam was always good at getting Dean to see reason. But, when it came to me, he rarely backed down. Cas said it was an instinct due to the soul bond. While that might have been part of it, I think he feels guilty for not being able to save me. 

“No. Find another way.” I stood in the doorway and cleared my throat to announce myself. 

“Don’t I get a say?” Dean rested a protective hand on my shoulder and bent to look me in the eyes. His hold was disarming. I could barely focus on what he was saying. 

“Look, Jesse, I trust you. You’re a damn good hunter. But I was out of my mind when we couldn’t find you last time and I promised I’d never let that happen again.” It was true. He slaughtered every demon who held me by himself. Damn near killed Crowley too. 

“I can take care of myself.” I said deadly calm. Our eyes were locked neither one of us wanting to back down. 

“Ok. Fine.” He scrubbed his hands over his face and turned to Sam. “You never leave her alone for a minute do you hear me? Get what you need and get back here.” Sam nodded and we both headed for the stairs. I looked back at him before closing the door. His brows were drawn and his breathing harsh. We didn’t speak a word to each other. Didn’t need to. He was terrified and he had no idea why. 

Baby roared to life and we pulled away music blaring. I caught Sam glancing at me every few miles out of the corner of my eye. “You ok?” he asked. 

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” 

“I’ve never seen him so worried. Kind of feels like how much I worry when Eileen goes out by herself.” A knowing smile played on his lips. 

“Dean and I aren’t the same as you and Eileen. You’re in love with her. It’s different.” I shuffled through the cassette tapes until I found something loud enough to drown him out. I popped in Alice In Chains and turned it up. 

Sam shut off the radio completely leaving nothing but the rumble of the engine and road noise to fill the car. “I thought Jess was my soulmate until I met Eileen. It was like we recognized each other. Not that it surprised her.” he smiled to himself “Of course she knew all about actual bonded soul lore. The only person Dean ever went postal for was me. That is until Crowley’s flunkies caught you. I have never seen him like that.” For several minutes I didn’t respond. Just kept staring at the road flying beneath us. “But if you don’t want to talk about it…” he went for the volume knob when I spoke up. 

“I know he’s my soulmate. Cas and Jack can see the bond but I knew before Jack said anything. I can see it too. Smell him. Sense him when he’s miles away. I can sense his moods. Sometimes I think I can hear his thoughts. Probably can. You know what would happen if he acknowledged this thing even existed. I can’t take the rejection.” Sam didn’t respond. He knew exactly how Dean would take this information. He would push me away out of fear. Fear of the target that would inevitably be placed on my back. Fear that something would happen to me every time I left the bunker. But, more than anything, fear of the pain I’ll endure for simply loving him. Being in love with Dean Winchester was a full contact sport and no one made it out unscathed.  

We didn’t speak about it again. I knew I was placing an unnecessary burden on Sam. He didn’t meddle in my personal life. Never says a word when I try to sneak in in the wee hours after a hookup. He lets me live my life and that is why I feel terrible about him keeping this from his brother. But he knows it’s for the best. 

We made it to Lincoln in a little more than three hours having changed at a gas station just outside of town. He gave me my badge with an unremarkable name typed on the ID. Only Sam and I knew Agent Wilson was after Ann and Nancy Wilson from the band Heart.  

The medical examiner went through his preliminary autopsy with Sam while I examined the body on the slab. He was male, 25 and newly engaged to his high school sweetheart. His fiancé was found a dried out husk on the floor of their bedroom. He was five feet away, hand extended like he was reaching for her. His heart gave out less than ten minutes after her T.O.D. near as the ME could figure. I placed my hands on his temples and waited for the vision that would slam into me. I waited to feel his horror and pain but I didn’t feel any of that. I felt intense pleasure and like I was satiated. I wasn’t seeing through his eyes but the eyes of the killer. I watched the whole horrific scene play out and promptly vomited into a trash can. 

Sam and the doctor watched confused from the doorway. “First time seeing a dead body.” Sam explained as I grabbed napkins from above the sink. I tried to listen to their conversation but everything was muffled like I was under water. The two men finished their conversation and Sam lead me quickly back to the car. 

“What did you see?” He asked slowly as I regained my composure. I recounted the whole sordid tale not leaving out any details. 

“I get the feeling. I think I know where it’s going next or where it just was. I don’t know, Sam. I think I opened a link to it.” 

His brows knitted together with worry, “You could have inadvertently. Can you still feel it? Can it be closed? I mean, before the thing realizes.” 

I tried severing the link when I went hurling back into another vision. I could smell the victim's perfume. Heard her partner screaming.  She was warm beneath me. This wasn’t the past. This was happening in real time. I went back. Back as far as I could to see any details of their location. Anything that could pinpoint where they were. It would be too late. I saw an address on an envelope and snapped back to consciousness. “516 Meadowdale. Go!” 

By the time we got there, they were already dead. “Do not touch anything. I’m going to call this in anonymously and we’re getting the hell out of here.” Sam dialed 911 as we were speeding towards the freeway. 

I was utterly drained and couldn’t keep my eyes open. Every time I fell asleep I was seeing through the monster’s eyes. He was reliving his kills over the last few days. The psychopath was getting off on them. 

We made it back to the bunker by nightfall and I headed directly to my bed. Dean was waiting for us to get a full report but I couldn’t stand. “What happened?” He asked Sam. I kept walking. 

I didn’t even bother taking off my boots. Sleep came fast and I was deep in another vision when I jolted awake. Dean was sitting in a chair at the end of my bed watching me. “What time is it?” My voice sounded like it was dragged through gravel. 

“A little after 2am. Another nightmare?” He handed me a glass of water which I drained in two long gulps. 

“Yeah. I assume Sam told you everything?” He nodded, planting his feet firmly on the ground ready to scold me. 

“He did. We have to figure out how to get you unlinked from this thing. Sammy’s on the phone with Rowena now. If anything changes. If it becomes aware, you need to let us know.” He hesitated to touch me but he tentatively took my hand in his. “You scare the shit out of me sometimes, kid.” I wondered if he could sense me like I could sense him. If he even realized he could. He pressed his lips into a hard line and then pressed his mouth to the top of my head inhaling my scent as he did. 

“I scare myself sometimes too.” I said quietly. “What do we know about the demon?” All I wanted was to change the subject and get out of his hold. I didn’t want his sympathy or fear to overwhelm me. I could link with the demon and I could find out where it would strike next. I scooted to the edge of the bed and tied my hair back readying myself to head to the war room. 

“Whoa whoa slow down. Sam’s working on putting together the victim statements. We have time. Rest.” Dean grabbed for me but I was just out of his reach already making my way down the hall. “J, stop. We’ll handle this.” 

I was absolutely livid that he wouldn’t let me hunt this thing with them. I was our best shot at preventing anymore killings. “You sidelining me, Winchester?” 

“And what if I am, Barnes?” I kept walking and he stalked after me. “Do not walk away from me. You need to rest.”

“I can’t! Every time I close my eyes I’m letting my guard down. The deeper I go the more I can feel, see and hear. It’s only a matter of time before it catches on. You need me.” I left him brooding in the hall making my way to the rest of the boys. I pulled up a chair and grabbed a folder out of the pile in front of Sam. The newest victims' smiling faces stared up at me from a picture, frozen in a happier time. A small bag of personal effects was stapled to the front of the folder. No way I could touch it. I’d relive the whole thing. Sam and Cas stared at me waiting for me to say something. Anything. Dean walked past us into the kitchen grumbling under his breath. Fuck him. I let him throw his temper tantrum and gave Sam and Cas a look pinning them to their chairs. “What do we know?” I asked, keeping my eyes focused on the pages. 

“None of the couples have anything in common except they’re all from Lincoln. There has to be something connecting them. He’s not choosing them at random.” Sam scowled at the table. We’d keep looking. Until the wee hours if we had to. “Anyway. Rowena gave me a spell to cloak you from the demon. It’s simple and I have everything we need here.” 

“Let’s go.” I said dropping the folder. Cas and Jack would keep looking into the couples. We got a few family member interviews that the sheriffs office already conducted. Maybe that would shed some light. 

Sam gathered the spell ingredients while I cast a protective circle. It was a simple incantation and some muddled herbs nothing major or life altering. Sam recited the spell while I closed my eyes and opened the psychic link with the demon. 

meos, sed videam.  Odi odor, sed sensus.  cor pallii, sed benedictum Dominum sentio

Sam’s voice was distant, a mere breath on the wind as I went deeper. Everything was cloudy, almost veiled but I could see clearly. It was on the move. Through its eyes I could see the sign “Now entering Kansas: The Sunflower State.” He was headed south but I had no inkling on where he’d end up. I tried going through its memories to gather information. I went back to the date of the last murder and saw Sam and I running from the victims house. It knew who we were. I stayed in the trance much longer than I should have. The demon started to feel a pounding in its head. It wouldn’t be long before it realized why it was in pain. I pulled back quickly, my eyes flew open to see three horrified faces staring back at me and one pissed of Dean calling my name. “Call Eileen. Tell her to pack a bag. It’s headed south. It was still at the scene of the last murder. It knows us. Sam, no stops. Get her here fast.”

Sam nodded and left to call Eileen right away. Before I could head back to the war room Dean stopped me. “What the hell was that? Do you have a death wish?” 

“No. But if I’m the best way to find this thing why wouldn’t you use me?” He was unusually protective of me this time. Then again, I rarely fight this hard to hunt. “What is going on with you, man?” 

“Why are you pushing this so hard? It’s like the demon owes you money or something.” We sized each other up, both of us more than ready to fight. No way I’m backing down. He’s right though. I’m taking it personally. I felt…the demon felt like it was looking for something specific. Like the more love the victims felt for one another the more he enjoyed the game. Got off on it when they begged for their soulmate's life. Soulmates! It was then that I realized it was looking for bonded pairs. 

“All the victims were soulmates.” I said before I took off for their files. I held their personal effects in my hands and let the whole horrific scene play out like a crappy slasher flick. The guy fought like hell but the demon was stronger. It immobilized him and made him watch his wife get sucked dry. His eyes held hers the whole time pleading with it to take him instead. I couldn’t see the demon’s face but could see his body, it’s hair draping strategically over it’s features. When she drew her last breath, the guy wailed and thrashed trying to get out of the demon’s hold. The sick bastard just left them there. Vanished into thin air and left them there. It wasn’t long before everything went hazy. I dropped the bag and collapsed into a heap on the ground sobbing into my hands. I was right. I saw their bond bright as sunlight and then I saw it go dark. And now the thing was coming after Sam and I. It would take Eileen. No way I would let that happen. Later I’ll go somewhere quiet and open the link again. Maybe it got somewhere that I could recognize. 

Cas and Jack were at my side checking me for injuries. I didn’t realize it at first but blood was dripping from my nose. I batted them away. They had no reason to fuss. When I went to grab another folder Dean stopped me. His face was twisted in pain and his hands trembled. “No more. I can’t watch that again. I don’t care if you solve the whole damn case. This ends now.” His nostrils flared and his chest heaved. He was like a coiled spring waiting to tear apart whatever had me in its grasp. “You were screaming like it was happening to you, Jessamine.”

Jessamine. He only calls me that to tease me or when he’s beyond pissed. Last time he called me Jessamine was when I had a few too many and took Baby. She was fine. It was all “Jessamine Lorien Barnes, if you ever touch my baby again I will not hesitate.” 

I got to my feet looking towards the table for another folder. “It could go after Sam and Eileen!” I pushed past him to the table but he was quicker. 

“It could come after us!” The whole room went still as death. He knew we were bonded. Knew it and never had the balls to acknowledge it. The sting of rejection left an acrid feeling in my stomach. 

“You knew about us?” Tears stung my eyes but I willed them not to spill. 

“Of course I did. Why do you think Crowley took you instead of Sam? The damn thing is like a beacon for every creep we fight. And if we actually did solidify the bond it would be endgame for us. You would never be safe. This can’t happen. We will never happen. You know better than anyone how things end with me. Look at what happened to your mom.” He paced back and forth ranting but I couldn’t listen any longer. 

“I get it, Dean. I understand.” I was t minus seven seconds away from bawling like a schoolgirl. I had to get out of there. “I um…I’ll leave it alone.” The first tear spilled before I could look away from him. His guilt washed over me and made me feel ten times worse. I quickened my pace and slammed my door shut then I let it all out. He didn’t outright reject the bond but it felt like agony nonetheless. I knew they could hear me wailing. Knew Dean was hovering outside of my door. Mercifully enough they let me be. 

Once I collected myself and I could no longer sense Dean I slipped out of the bunker and drove up to a nearby diner. This was my go to place when I needed time to myself. The coffee was strong and the burgers were greasy. Perfect for wallowing in my self loathing. I pulled a book out of my bag and slid into a booth in the back where I wouldn’t be bothered. My favorite waitress was on tonight. She knew my order and asked me only pertinent questions. The thrum of the diner offered me peace and, before I knew it, I was adrift in my own consciousness. 

I drained three cups of too strong coffee and polished off half of my burger when I was jarred by a vision. Normally I had to touch something but this one felt different. It felt like it was sent to me. I saw through the demon’s eyes an address to a house where it watched from the bushes. It was showing me its next victim. It was daring me to find it. I had absolutely zero doubts that I was walking into a trap but I didn’t care. I had to end this. I lowered the veil so it knew I was watching. I could feel its amusement tickling up and down my spine. Once the vision ended, I paid my check, entered the address into my GPS and started driving. Everything in my gut told me to turn back or to at least call one of the boys for back up. My pride got the better of me and I drove on. 

I thought of my interaction with Dean during the entire drive. I knew he would react the way he did about being my soulmate and I still couldn’t handle it.  I had really never given much thought to being Dean’s person. Sure we were great friends but anything more had never crossed my mind. The longer I suppressed the bond, the harder it became for me to be around him. Like my baser instincts were taking over pushing me towards him. I suppose there are lots of ways to be family. They didn’t always have to be romantic. But, the more I thought about it I didn’t want to just be his close confidant. I wanted to be his. Wholelly, unequivocally his. Something deep within me told me that we were meant to be. Dean didn’t believe in “meant to be” or “happily ever after”. I hadn’t really either until now. I sure as hell don’t believe in happy endings. Hell, I suppose any hunter who ends up with another hunter is bound by shared trauma more than tender loving feelings. I understood his fear. Both he and Sam are constantly in the cross hairs of all manner of beings. Eileen was a strong hunter but Sam worried just as I’m sure she worries for Sam. But isn’t that what a relationship is? Your pain is their pain right? Dean seemed to shoulder the world’s pain. He couldn’t possibly find space within himself to shoulder mine too. Dean was also notoriously private about his feelings. If he thought for one second that I was possibly taking on anything he held, he would push me away even further. Hell, maybe he did know which is why he constantly kept me at arms length. There were times though that he couldn’t seem to leave me. Those were the nights we drank and laughed together. He said it was how he forgot all the crap in his brain and it was just better to do it with someone else. I think he can’t fathom doing it without his other half. I had to put these intrusive thoughts out of my head and get my game face on. There was no time for lamenting. 

I finally arrived at the address the demon showed me and the place appeared abandoned. It wasn’t lit up warm like the vision it sent. Now I know it was probably a memory and I was very much walking into a trap. It knew I was here so there was no turning back. I sent my location to Sam and held my breath as I walked up a long driveway to a sprawling broken mansion. “Hello?” I clicked on my flashlight and surveyed the place. The furniture was broken and dusty and covered in fallen faded police tape. The whole place smelled of decay. I could feel the demon’s presence as I got closer to the upperrooms of the house. “I know you’re here. May as well show yourself.” 

“If I told you where I was that would take all the romance out of it now wouldn’t it? Come find me, little mouse.” Its voice was low and enticing. I kept searching rooms until I got to what I assume was the primary bedroom of the house. The demon sat in a chair next to a ruined bed illuminated by dozens of candles. 

“With all this kindling around here are you sure candlelight was the way to go?” I asked, hoping my sardonic tone masked my fear. The meat suit the demon infected was beyond normal conventions of attractiveness. The human host was tall with mysterious dark eyes and muscles in all the right places. “You called me here. What do you want?”

“You and your friend were so interested in what I was doing I would be remiss if I didn’t invite you to play with me. And I am nothing if not well mannered. Tell me, little mouse, did you enjoy what you saw?” Strong hands stroked the arm of the tufted chair and I found myself wondering what those hands would feel like stroking my body. I could feel my resolve slipping. I let my hand slowly drift to the hilt of my demon blade as I walked closer to where it was waiting. “Now now. You won’t be needing that.” My hand was pinned to my side and I kept walking though I willed myself to stop. 

“I’m not here with my mate. He rejected me. So if that’s your kink I’m sorry to disappoint.” My voice was shaky as I lowered myself onto its thigh. My core was hot and sticky to the point that I could no longer hide my arousal. The smell of the host’s skin sent me spiraling and I leaned into its touch. 

“He didn’t reject you, sweet little mouse. Your bond is strong as ever. That Winchester boy will come. And when he does, he’ll watch me take you just like all the others. Then I’ll watch his heartbreak take him too. It will be too delicious. Who knew how simple it would be to take down Dean Winchester?” it chuckled against my throat. Its lips brushed over my collarbone and down to my decollete. My body betrayed me at every turn. I couldn’t help but press myself down onto his thigh to relieve some of the ache building there. I whimpered as it put its hand at the small of my back and encouraged me to move. “Yes, that’s a good little mouse. Look at how hot and bothered you are and I am barely touching you. What would happen if I touched that sweet little pussy? Hmm? Would it be as wet as I think?” Its hands slipped into the waistband of my panties and brushed against my clit causing me to cry out. “Mmmh even wetter. That boy doesn’t know what he’s missing.” My mind was screaming to stop but I physically couldn’t help myself. I rocked against its hand allowing my orgasm to build. Just when I thought I would break it stopped. “Now, slow down, Sugar. Let’s wait for the rest of the party to arrive.” It lifted me off of its lap leaving me panting and frustrated.

I have no idea how long I was in that room before I heard the front door burst open. The demon laughed when he heard Sam shouting my name. I was naked and splayed on the floor watching the demon divest itself of its clothing. The host’s cock was already dripping, waiting for the perfect moment to sheath itself in my waiting core. It lined itself up between my legs and began its slow tortuous ministrations on my aching cunt making me moan loud enough to hear over the sounds of splintering wood. “Yes, little mouse. Call out to your mate.” Crack went another door and I heard Sam again. My whole body shook from another orgasm. “Call his name, little mouse. Let him know where you are.” 

“I’d rather say yours” I managed to say. “You’re the one making me cum.” I couldn’t move my hands to touch it but I could stroke its ego. The way the host’s face lit up let me know I was on the right track. 

“My name? Oh, little mouse. I have many names. But for tonight, you can call me Master.” It spread my legs wider fucking hard into me bringing me into another mind shattering release. 

“No, demon. Your real name. I’m calling you out. You have to answer” It’s whole body went stiff and it grabbed my chin to stop me from talking. Demons have very few rules but telling you their name when called out is one essential rule they cannot break. 

“Saleos!” It grunted. “Crafty little mouse. Say my name then. Scream it for your mate to hear. Let him know how good I’m making you feel.” It rutted into me so hard I could barely speak. But when it lifted the host’s head and stared into my eyes I could see its pleasure building and I knew I had it. 

“Saleos huh? Don’t want to blow your load before he’s able to see right? Better hang on for me. Or is my pussy that good?” I wrapped my hands around the back of its neck and pulled it close to kiss and began to whisper instead. “Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica…..” The demon inside started to twitch and flicker but I held on tight continuing the words that I had committed to memory. The black smoke plumed from the nostrils mouth and eyes, weakening it enough for me to grab the knife it hadn’t thrown far enough away. I plunged the knife between the hosts ribs and saw the black fade from its eyes just as Sam and Dean burst through the door. It’s naked body fell limp and heavy on top of me. I managed to push it off and quickly grab a few shreds of a ruined bedsheet. 

Sam turned away to give me a bit of dignity. “You ok?” he muttered. 

“Fine. Can you give a girl a second?” he left the room but Dean remained wordlessly staring. 

“Save it. Whatever speech you’re about to give me about my safety I do not care to hear it.” I managed to find my clothes and surprisingly none of them were torn. Dean seemed to be in some kind of trance. “What’s wrong, Dean? You act like you haven’t seen a naked woman before.” 

“Did it…did it finish…I mean did…I don’t know what I want to say right now. So many thoughts are running through my head and all I want to do is rip those panties off of you. I literally cannot focus on anything else.” He stalked toward me like a lion about to devour its prey. He unfastened his belt and tore his shirt over his head revealing his tattooed chest already glistening with sweat. The scent of his arousal was so overpowering that I had no choice but to comply. 

“Uh uh.. I didn’t give it a chance to finish.” I whispered too stunned to speak any louder. 

“But it made you cum.” He pressed against me letting me feel just how much he needed to be inside me at this very moment. 

“I couldn’t help…” A brutal kiss stopped me from saying any more. 

“I can do better” he growled. “Sammy, get lost for a while!” he shouted. Sam’s heavy footsteps retreated out to the Impala as fast as he could carry himself. Dean kissed me again soft and slow, still managing  to get the rest of his clothes off without breaking away from my lips. I was already soaked from the demon but when Dean looked me over I was a goner. A fresh wave of arousal hit me and his nostrils flared when he scented it. With one swift movement he grabbed my hips and slammed into me. We both moaned at the sensation. He moved inside me like he was possessed himself. “I was so scared, J.” his head fell forward onto my chest, whining as he drew closer to his release. “I thought I lost you.”

“But you didn’t and I’m sorry I scared you.” I retorted breathlessly. We didn’t speak anymore. The only sounds to fill the decrepit room were the sounds of our moans and the slap of our bodies. His pace became erratic and I knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. I placed my hands on either side of his face, forcing him to look down at me. We said nothing but stared long and deep into each other’s eyes as we both met our end then he collapsed, satiated and warm onto me. We held each other in the darkened room simply feeling each other’s feelings and thoughts. This was right. It felt like we belonged together. I knew at that moment that I loved him. Could feel that he loved me too. But something was off like he was conflicted. I didn’t want to ruin it by asking so I let him lay on my chest for a while longer. 

After several moments we heard Sam calling from the foyer, “Are you two going to be much longer? I’m bored and hungry.” I laughed but Dean didn’t so much as crack a smile. 

He stood up grabbing his clothes and throwing mine over to me. There was a hint of regret playing at his face which started to enrage me but I shut it down and finished dressing. “Do you want me to ride with you? I’ll let Sam drive my car home.” I was searching for anything that let me know he was happy with this. He gave me nothing. 

“Why don’t you take Sam with you? I’ll meet you at the bunker.” He never made eye contact with me once. And it wasn’t lost on me that he said “the bunker” instead of calling it “home”. 

“I’ll go alone.” I murmured. No response. “Hope you enjoyed yourself.” I said as grabbed my shoes and headed for my car. He didn’t follow me and I didn’t expect him to. 

“You two good?” Sam asked with a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. But then he saw my face and the tears that were about to spill. “Ok, not good? I’m confused.”

“I need to get out of here.” My voice broke as I fished my keys out of my pocket. “Move, Sam. I have to go.”

“Jesse, look at me. You are a wreck. Let me drive you.” he grabbed my keys but I pushed his hand away. Dean started to descend the stairs looking down at his feet instead of towards me. 

“Please, Sam. Let me go.” I pleaded with him. He finally relented and I took off before Dean could stop me if that was even his intention. Once I was in my car I plugged in my phone, put it on “do not disturb” and found a song loud enough to drown out any memory of what just happened. Fuck Dean Winchester. Fuck him and his stupid self loathing. I pounded my fist on the steering wheel in time to the drums in the song I had blaring through the car’s speakers. I needed a drink and a shower and to start looking for a new place to live because I was done. Fucking done with his bullshit. I didn’t want to talk about it to anyone. I just wanted to get lost. 

Once I made it into the bunker I grabbed a bottle of something brown and headed for the shower. Cas and Jack were smart enough not to say a word to me as I stormed past. Sam and Dean made it a few minutes after I did. I hurried out of my clothes and started the shower. Not only did I lock the door but I barricaded it with a chair that I grabbed from in front of the desk in my room. I turned the water on as hot as my body could stand and used my loofah to scrub every place Dean and Saleos had been. I scrubbed so hard at my thighs that the skin began to turn red and split into fine scrapes. I watched the blood well on my skin through blurry tears. 

I got myself together and went back to my room to start throwing things into a bag. I had a few credit cards that I hadn’t used. What was left on them would be more than enough to get me a few towns over. I chugged from the open bottle relishing the sting in the back of my throat. I had no real plan other than getting as far away from Dean and this ridiculous bond as possible. I could hear him and Sam arguing from the other room but he didn’t come after me. He must have wanted me gone as much as I wanted to leave.I drained the rest of the bottle feeling the effects of the liquor starting to take hold. It only made me feel bolder and ready to throw some punches. I trekked back to the main room where everyone, including Eileen, were silently drinking. Eileen and Sam signed to each other but no one interjected. I didn’t say anything as I headed for the stairs. Dean watched me, making me angrier with each step that I took. 

Jack was the only one to get up from his seat. He put his body between me and the stairs and placed his hands on my shoulders, “I don’t know what happened but I won’t let you deal with it alone. If you have to go, fine but I’m coming with you.” He held my shoulders tight, his eyes pleading. “You don’t have to do this alone, Jesse.” How did this kid know exactly what to say to make me feel guilty? 

“Thank you for always taking care of me but I have to go, baby boy. I love you so much.” I hugged him tight, swaying a little from the effects of the alcohol. 

“Stop her, Dean! You're in love with her. Don’t you feel it? The woman you love is walking away from you.” He begged and begged while I took the slow trudge up the stairs to the door. 

“She wants to go, let her go. She wants to act like a little girl, that’s her right.” Dean grumbled. “All of you stay out of it. This is none of your business.” A laugh bubbled up from somewhere deep in my belly. 

“Fuck you, Dean.” I flipped him off before yanking the handle on the door. 

“No! This is absolutely our business. We are a family!” Eileen hugged Jack around his shoulders trying to shush him. I couldn’t take it anymore. It was now or never. Do or die. Walk out the door and reject the bond once and for all or stay here and live with this hot and cold act that Dean does. 

“You’re right, Jack. We are a family. And sometimes it’s ok when Mom and Dad fight. But we aren’t fighting are we, Dean? Wanna know what happened? Sam and Dean walked in at the exact moment that I ganked the demon all by myself.”

“Because that’s how you wanted it!” Dean shouted, taking the stairs two at a time to get in my face. Like that would intimidate me.

“You’re right! That’s how I wanted it. I let that black eyed piece of shit fuck me and I finished the job. But instead of being fucking concerned about me.. instead of giving a shit about how I was feeling you let your primal instincts take over and you fucked me. Had to mark your territory didn’t you, baby? Like you have some claim on me. And now he regrets it. So he’s letting me go to assuage his guilt. Does that sum it up?” I stood back and waited for him to say something. Anything to let me know that he cared even a little. 

“Yeah that sounds about right. I feel fucking guilty. I regret that I couldn’t control myself. I feel fucking guilty that I wasn’t there to stop that fucker from violating you. And I’m pissed that you didn’t let me do this with you because I promise it wouldn’t have gotten that far. I went absolutely insane when you sent that SOS to Sam. Broke every traffic law on the books to get to you. And that’s what I had to walk into? Had to see that..that thing on top of you? Inside of you? The bond took over and I reacted and I feel like shit for taking advantage of you. Happy now? Go if you want. I won’t stop you. But you walk out…you walk away from me…from this, say out loud that you reject the bond so we can both move on.” We stared at each other, neither of us willing to relent. The problem was we were both incredibly stupid and stubborn and neither of us had the guts to really say what we felt. I guess he did just then but in general. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and let him hold me the way I knew he wanted to. His hands were curled into fists causing the veins to pop out on his forearms. He was holding himself back just as much. Like I said, we’re idiots. His eyes narrowed and he moved closer to me, “Say it.” 

“I love you.” I blurted out. It seemed to take all of the wind out of his sails. From some distant corner of the room I heard Sam laugh and Eileen smacking him for doing so. 

“I love you too!” he shouted back. “Don’t ever leave me again. It hurts my feelings when you do!” 

“Fine! I had no idea where I was going anyway.” He tried not to smile but he lost that battle. 

“Holy hell you two are idiots.” Sam shouted from the lower level. “Someone order a few pizzas before Jesse sobers up. She gets cranky when she’s hungry.” 

Jack happily bounced up the stairs and took my bag while Dean and I continued to stare at each other. And we stayed that way for several more seconds before I walked past him to plop into a chair next to Cas. The angel put his arm around me grinning like a fool. “This relationship is going to put us all in harm's way isn’t it?” 

Geralt met you at the end of the long aisle in front of the dais. Loki trailed behind you looking grief stricken. “You look stunning, Dove. Did you let the prince down gently at least? He looks devastated.” You giggled at the question. 

“He did not come to steal me away from you if that is what you are implying, dear husband. We have been raised like brothers and sisters. He simply misses me. And, I admit I miss him too.”

He leaned in to whisper in your ear, “I could smell him on you on our wedding night and I smell him now. Though, tonight you do not smell of sex. So I hope whatever transpired has ended. I do not like to share.” Your cheeks warmed at his admission. This was not the place to argue. The two of you walked to the front of the crowd where he presented you to his parents. You were filled with righteous indignation as you bowed before your father in law. He placed the diadem on your head and proclaimed you Princesse of Vanaheim and future Queen. The crowd roared in approval. You rose to your feet, turned to them and plastered a smile on your face. You and Geralt shared a chased kiss and signaled the festivities to begin. Once it was safe to slip away you pulled him into a quiet room to inform him of this evening's plans. 

He went through every stage of grief starting with shock and rage. There were tears and apologies and, through it all, he begged you not to comfort him. He should be comforting you. “You can leave. I will not stop you. I will not allow this ritual. You are more precious to me than a child who does not yet exist. Please, Dove. I’ve watched my sisters bury their children. I refuse to see the same happen to us.” You held his hands in yours and assured him that you would be perfectly safe. You tried to push him back into the party but he would not go. “If I have to look at my father right now I will murder him where he stands. My place is with you. Your pain is also mine to endure.” 

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In the cover of night Njord took you to a part of the palace that he used for rituals. You would not be disturbed. Geralt and Loki tried to no avail to talk you out of this. You would see it through. Frigga and Njord tied you down to an altar space and began painting your naked body with runes. Over your belly, the rune for fertility, protection and power for your heart and mind. They bathed you in lamb's blood and handed Loki and your mother athames to make precise cuts at your north, south, east and west. Your blood began to mingle with the blood of the lamb. Geralt stayed close by wishing you would stop. You had taken it all relatively well until it was time for the potion that Loki called bottled death. Frigga insisted it was not that serious but your mother looked as though she was going to pass out when Loki uncapped it. “Geralt, she will be in intense pain once I apply this liquid. Are you sure you wish to stay?” Frigga asked. 

“I will not leave her side. May I hold her hand?”

“Yes, of course. In fact, you”ll need to hold her down. Y/N are you sure? We can stop at any time.” 

“Allmother, please continue. Everyone stop looking at me in that manner. I will be good as new soon.” Frigga began to pour when Loki took the bottle from her hands. 

“I will do it. Kjære, if you will not reconsider then I will begin.” He kissed your blood soaked forehead and signaled Geralt to take your hands. You could hear both their hearts pounding in their chests. With a deep breath you signaled Loki to begin. 

At first you only felt cold. Your body began to shiver then you shook violently when it began to soak into your open wounds. You screamed and convulsed with pain. Geralt begged Loki to stop but you screamed at him to continue. The four mages flanked your body and choked out a spell in an old dead language. All that you could hear was Geralt telling you he loved you, willing you to live, begging you not to leave him. Finally, when every bit was absorbed, you went still. Nearing the brink of unconsciousness you faintly heard your mother crying and Njord ordering Geralt to get you in the tub of water. “Scrub her clean,” he barked. Geralt and Loki worked together to get every inch of you free from blood and grime that soaked into your skin and hair. 

“Please, Dove. Please wake up. I love you.” Geralt said again and again in your ear. He lifted you from the tub so Loki could wrap you in white vestments. Your husband carried you to your bed where the group held vigil at your bedside. You did not wake for two days. 

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In your dream state you found yourself face to face with Sarai. She was beautifully dressed in blue holding her son. “Your journey will be a fruitless one, little witch. There is only one way to lift my spell.” The babe looked just like you imagined Geralt did. She rocked him to shush his cries.

“You can end this, Sarai. Geralt should not be punished for the king’s wrongdoings. Please.”

“I did help him!” she raged. “He lives does he not? I died the day my son was taken from me and again to let your husband live lest you forget.” You would get nowhere with this conversation. You had to appeal to her as a mother. 

“He’s beautiful.” you said, gazing down at her son. “May I hold him?” She smiled warmly at the chubby boy in her arms bouncing him on her hip. He didn’t take his amber eyes off of you. 

“Of course you can. He is yours after all.” The baby smiled at you in recognition. You held out your arms and he flung his tiny body forward. He was your son. He had Geralt’s eyes and the elegant swoop of your eyebrows and curve of your nose. “Ivar will allow him to die in your arms. Why should he sit on the throne when he refused to protect his own family?” You held your son to your body and sobbed while he cooed and babbled against your chest. 

“Why would it matter if he has no mother?” 

“If Geralt is king, will he allow the council to hang you?” You knew he would murder them where they stood if any of them so much as touched a hair on your head. “You do not take their father you take the coward out of their lives who would sooner bury his sons and grandsons than relinquish his power. End their suffering. Their plan won’t work. I saw to that when I cast the spell.” 

“Plan?” you whispered “What plan?” 

Sarai cackled, “Of course they didn’t tell you. They struck a deal with the Allfather. He gathered the leaders of the realms and their mages to save Geralt, yes. But they had to find a way to break the curse. Your mother comes from an ancient line of healers but she and your father were barren. So they forged you out of the magic of all the realms. Your mother was the only vessel strong enough to contain the magic. You were bred to save Ivar’s line. Your marriage was arranged long ago. The deal ended the Vanir/Aesir war making Ivar forever beholden to Odin. Vanaheim has supplied Asgard with food for millennia.” 

You couldn’t breathe. You sank to the ground rocking your son trying to calm yourself. “When Loki said I was made for him…”

“It’s your power that called to him. The Jotuns used the Cask of Ancient Winters to imbue you with the frost giant’s magic. He feels it.” 

“Does he know what I am?” You were filled with so much rage that it tickled and burned the back of your throat. 

“No. Neither does Geralt. When Ivar came to me to ‘beg me to lift the spell’” she chuckled, “He really came to take my blood. All of it. Njord though, because Ari shared my blood, it could be used to break the curse. They were wrong. Like a true imbecile, Ivar told me of his plan. I died with a smile on my face because I knew they would fail miserably. My language was specific. It is only Ivar’s blood that breaks the curse.” She took your son from your arms and they both began to fade away. “If you want to see him again. You know what to do.” 

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The vast space you were in began to darken. Smoke clouded your vision and enveloped your body. You felt a pull in your womb then nausea washed over you. Your infertility charm was fighting against the rune painted on your belly. The rune won. You found your way out of the darkness back to your body willing yourself to open your eyes. You took a piece of the darkness with you. If the spell would not work, you would end the king’s life. When you awoke, Loki was the first person you saw.

“Kjære?! Someone get the prince. Quickly!” He held you up and kissed your face. “Say something. Please.”

“Water.” was all you could say. He grabbed the bedside pitcher which you snatched from his hands and drained in lieu of a glass. Geralt and your parents rushed into the room. Loki held you up until Geralt was able to get you in his arms. Your father and mother clutched each other waiting for you to speak. It was only Loki who could see at first. Something was wrong. You didn’t look like yourself. 

“My sweet Dove. Please say something.” Geralt was beside himself with worry.

“You look like shit, husband.” He laughed rumbling deep in his chest. 

“I feel like shit, wife. Can you sit up on your own or are you too weak?” You feigned weakness for him but the truth was you felt like you could topple a mountain. 

“Just hungry.” you lied. 

“Do not move. I will get you whatever you wish. Name it.” He still had not let you go. 

“Meat and a lot of it. And a barrel of wine.” Everyone giggled nervously around you. Njord pushed them all aside to listen to your heart and check you over. 

“She lost a lot of blood. The meat will replenish her iron. We’ll send for it right away. Come, everyone. Let’s let the princesse have some space to breathe.” 

“You’re sure you’re ok, dear?” Your mother asked. You could not look at your parents. They would have to wait. You had a hunger growing deep in your core and you could not help yourself. They all had to leave immediately. 

“Yes, I’m fine. Promise.” You shooed everyone away to spend a few moments alone with Geralt. Loki looked on warely. He could feel it. Could hear the whispers around you. You were changed. Geralt could feel it too. They shared a look as Loki left the room. 

“I’ve asked you not to lie to me, Dove.” Geralt said in monotone. 

“I couldn’t speak freely in front of my parents. I saw Sarai. She claimed the spell will not work.” You would not break his heart any further. Not until you spoke to your parents and Loki. 

“Then you went through hell for nothing.” 

“Not for nothing. I’ll find another path….”

“No!” he slammed his fist on the wall. “I will not lose you. The line dies with me.” 

“Unless we can convince the small council to allow our first born daughter to sit on the throne.” 

He laughed, “They will never go for it.” 

“Does the council rule Vanaheim or will you? I’ll slaughter them and promote a new council if I have to. With me, you will have no need for a mage. Njord will step aside.” 

It was not like you to speak that way. It gave him pause but he thought better of asking again if you were well. “You are a murderous little thing arent you? Let us pray it never needs to come to bloodshed.” 

“Perhaps I can find a spell that would guarantee I only have girls.” He wrapped his arms around your waist from behind and you felt him smiling against your hair. 

“It is my lot in life to be surrounded by beautiful women. I could think of a worse fate.” He nipped at your jawline, awakening an overwhelming feeling of arousal. You ran your hands over his and worked your way into his lap. Before he knew what you were doing, you pulled up your nightgown and ground into his stiffening cock. “Dove, what are you doing?” You did not stop. His arms tightened, “You need rest.” 

“No, I need you to fuck me.” A light sheen of sweat glistened on your skin. You were too hot in all the clothing and blankets it was suffocating. You tore at your clothing, your skin felt too tight. All the while you continued to rub against him soaking his trousers. “Geralt, fuck me. I need it.” 

“You are boiling hot, Y/N. Stop. Let me get Njord or your mother.” He tried to push you away but you wouldn’t let him go. The scent of your arousal was beginning to overwhelm him. He had to be inside of you. He had to fill you up. 

His refusal angered you. You were in pain and he wouldn’t help you. “It hurts. Please, husband fuck me. Make it stop.” 

“No. Something is wrong. Stop! Let me get you help.” You whipped your body around to face him. Your pupils expanded leaving a thin ring of color surrounding depthless onyx. Geralt shouted for help enraging you. You slapped him hard across the face and lunged for him. Loki was the only one still pacing outside of the door. He burst in to see Geralt holding you down. 

“What’s happening?! Let her go!” Loki reached for Geralt’s hands when he noticed your eyes. 

“Loki” you whined, “My Prince please help me. I hurt. Please fuck me.” 

“It’s a side effect of the spell.” He muttered. “It must have sent the fertility charm into overdrive.” 

“What do we do?” Geralt struggled. 

“Give her what she wants.” 

“Are you insane? I cannot take advantage of her in this state.” You managed to wiggle out of Geralt’s hold back into his lap where you rutted against him furiously. 

“Looks as though it is the princesse who is taking advantage of you, my lord.” He leaned down and pressed his ear to your chest. His touch was electrifying. You moaned loudly and Loki’s body responded on instinct. “Her heartbeat is too fast. You have to do it. Put her out of her misery.” 

“Fuck.” He lifted you enough to unfasten his pants and sheathed himself in you. Your whole body shuddered as you reached your first orgasm. Loki tried to leave but Geralt stopped him. “Don’t leave. What if I hurt her?” You did not seem any better and Geralt was nearing his tipping point. “Dove, you have to slow down. I won’t last much longer.” 

“I can’t. I need more. Harder, Geralt. Please.” Tears flowed down your cheeks feeling no relief. Another orgasm slammed through your body but you still cried. When you came, so did Geralt. He kept fucking you until he could no longer maintain his erection. “Not enough” you cried. He tried fucking you with his fingers but you still begged for more. 

Loki and Geralt made eye contact. A silent plea from your husband to help you. “I’ve got you, Kjære.” You lay on top of your husband kissing him deeply while Loki took you from behind. His pace was brutal, punishing. It was everything you needed. 

“Yes, my Prince. So good. Harder.” Your moans spurred on Geralt who was quickly stiffening beneath you. 

“Do you want your princes to fill you, pet? 

“Yes. Need it.” Loki pounded faster bringing himself to the brink pulling out at the last second to spill hot seed over your thighs. Geralt replaced him pumping hard into you bringing you both over the edge into an earth shattering end. Finally you collapsed on your husband's chest panting and sated. When Loki stepped away you pulled him back to kiss him more passionately than he’s ever been kissed before. Geralt peppered kisses over your sweat soaked skin helping to calm you. “Thank you. You’ve both saved me. I felt like I was going to explode.” 

“Norns, pet. Next time you plan on spelling yourself into a frenzy, remind me to stay outside.” He kissed your shoulder and excused himself to clean up. 

“Are you feeling better, Dove?” Geralt stroked your wet hair 

“Much. I need a bath. Come with me?”

“Of course. But just a bath. I think you broke my cock.” 

You laughed against his chest, “Of course.” 

The bath felt marvelously hot, relaxing all of your muscles. Loki washed up and sat on the settee in the corner while Geralt washed you. You told him of your brush with Sarai. His blood ran cold thinking of all the pain you went through for nothing. He was unsure if your episode would be the last or if more was coming. It could be the fertility charm burning its way through you or something else. Something worse. You were different. Something lingered within you that he couldn’t place. All three of you agreed that it was best if he stayed behind for a few days. No one wanted you attacking an unsuspecting guard or, Norns forbid poor Njord. Besides, if you got that worked up again, Geralt would be unable to handle you on his own. 

After dinner Geralt excused himself, too exhausted to even stand. You stayed up with Loki to tell him of your conversation with Sarai. He was horrified and confused then finally relieved. “So you were not made for me but made of me. Understandable why I feel compelled to always be near you besides being hopelessly in love with you. How do you feel?” 

“Betrayed.” Loki understood all too well. It was only recently that he learned of his true parentage. “I need to talk to my parents.” 

“Tomorrow, Kjære. Get some rest.” 

“Will you stay with me?” He paused unsure of his next move. 

“The floor looks comfortable enough I suppose.” 

You took his hands and kissed both his palms, “Come to bed with us.” Unsure if you were still feeling the effects of the spell he tried to pull away. 

“I am quite sure your husband would not appreciate me in your marital bed. Good night, Kjære.” He kissed you, careful not to spur you on and excused himself. 

You remained in front of the fire conflicted, rehashing your entire life. Every memory of each deliberate move your parents made whilst raising you brought you to perfect clarity. You were no better than a prized dairy cow. 

At first light you will wake Geralt and divulge your secrets then you will find your parents to confront them. Sleep never came for you. You stayed in your chair stroking your belly quietly singing to your son who was already growing. 

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Geralt found you in the sitting room in front of the dying fire with the curtains drawn. You did not look up when you heard him walk into the room. You remained stock still save for the hand absentmindedly stroking your belly. Your skin was pale and a shadow formed under your eyes which looked black in the dim light. Or were your eyes changed?

“Y/n? Dove? Have you slept?” No answer. It was as though you were completely unaware that he was in the room. He ran a finger along your jawline and brought your face up to look at him. “Have you been out here all night?”

“We need to talk.” You told him every single detail of what Sarai told you. There was no way to mentally prepare himself for the raw emotion that spilled from him. “This ends now, Geralt. I have been sent here to save your line and I intend to.” 

“Let’s leave. I’ll abdicate. Let them fight out who will be king when father dies. Just me, you and our boy. Please do not put me in this position.” He rested his forehead against yours, “I have taken lives, my love. I have felt guilt every day since. Please do not do this to yourself.” 

You jumped from the chair and got in Geralt’s to make yourself abundantly clear, “Your father did not fight for any of you. Will you treat your son the same? If you will not fight for him, I will.” 

“This is me fighting.” he growled. “This is the honorable thing to do. I do not wish for you to feel the guilt I feel. You are too good to stain your soul this way.” 

“What will happen to me when our child dies in my arms? What of my soul then?” You held each other’s eyes for several moments before you could trust your voice to speak. “Let me do what I was created to do.” 

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The two of you left the conversation unresolved which made you even more angry on the way to speak to your parents. They were all enjoying breakfast when you bounded into the room in your nightclothes, your hair wild. “Mother and father, I need a moment.” 

“Elskan, you look terrible. Have you eaten? Sit down. Have some tea.” No one took their eyes off of you. 

“Now. Please.” Your father opened his mouth to scold you but your mother quieted him and followed you to your chambers. “What am I? And before you lie, I already know. I simply want to hear you say it.” 

“Who told you?” Your mother asked exasperated. 

“That is irrelevant. What am I?”

“Our daughter.” Your father chimed in. 

“Lies. Have I ever had a choice about who I married?” 

“No. I’m sorry, sweetheart but no. We tried to minimize any damage but you were just like any young woman. You had needs. Desires. And you were so happy.” Astrid tried to touch you but you recoiled. 

Tears started flowing down your face when you realized what she meant, “Fandral?”

“It had to be done.” 

“Norns, mother. I blamed Loki. Loki blamed himself. That almost destroyed us.” 

“That was a happy accident. Had to get you away from Loki or else you would have never asked to court. We wanted it to be your decision.” Kasper explained. 

“But it was never my decision. My life is not my own. I have no idea if my husband truly loves me or if his feelings are the result of some spell. Do you know how that feels?! You need to leave. All of you.” 

“But, Elskan, you do not look well. Let us stay to help you through this.” 

“You’ve done quite enough. Please leave.” 

“We love you, Y/n. You are our daughter and we want to be here for you.” Your mother tried and failed to hug you. 

“You are not my mother. You were nothing more than my incubator.” She winced as though you slapped her. 

“Then we will take our leave. Be well, Elskan.” 

They left to gather their things with only the sound of your mother’s sobs trailing behind them. You hadn’t noticed Loki slip into the room. “Am I included in the ‘all of you’ part? He asked sheepishly. 

“For now. Please don’t argue. Don’t make this any harder. Geralt and I have things we must work through.” You paced back and forth picking at your fingers muttering to yourself. 

“I take it your conversation didn’t go well.” 

“He wants to abdicate. Like that will do anything to quell the curse.” 

Loki stepped closer and sensed your tension, “May I touch you?” You did not stop him when he placed his hands on your shoulders nor when he stepped closer to hold you. “You will do what needs to be done. And, if you must flee, I will follow.” 

“So will I.” Geralt’s gravely voice sounded from the doorway. “No spell, no matter how powerful, could force me to feel the way I do about you. You are my wife.” You turned, still in Loki’s arms, to face your husband. “The mother of my son.”

Queen Malin barely gave you time to settle in before she was taking you away to discuss your place in the realm. She walked you through your wing of the palace introducing you to staff. She insisted you redecorate as you saw fit. Then, she had you meet with the dress maker to fit you for your coronation gown and finally the small council of mages who knew your mother and Frigga. The whole afternoon was overwhelming. You wanted nothing more than to slip into a hot bath and then straight to bed. When you felt like you would burst into tears if you had to make one more decision, Geralt swooped in to rescue you. 

“Mother, I think today has been quite enough for my wife. May I please have her now?” He extended his hand to help you out of your chair. Your backside was sore from being seated for so long. 

“Yes yes. We’ll pick this up tomorrow.” She dismissed you with a wave. “Do dress for dinner. The council will be joining us.” 

“Yes, your majesty.” You bowed and adjusted your dress just as Geralt pulled you to his side. 

“We will not be at dinner tonight or any night for the foreseeable future. Good evening, mother.” He pulled you away leaving the queen with her mouth hanging open in shock. He scooped you into his arms slinging you over his shoulder with a smack to your sore bottom. 

“I believe I can walk, dear husband.” He smacked you again causing you to yelp which earned you a satisfied grunt. Once you made it back to your bedchamber he set you down on the bed and disappeared to run you a bath. 

“You must be exhausted. I took the liberty of having dinner sent to our room. I don’t intend on leaving this room for several days nor do I intend on wearing a stitch of clothing.” You hummed in approval allowing your eyes to slip closed. “Well this won’t do. You’re far too clothed.” You didn’t open your eyes when he slipped off your shoes or unfastened your dress. It wasn’t until his hot mouth wrapped around your nipple and sucked that your eyes flew open. “Don’t move. I’m going to bathe you with my tongue before you get in the tub.” 

Geralt laved his tongue over your breasts and abdomen trailing his way down to your cunt. He feasted on you until you were a blubbering mess. He hauled you back over his shoulder and carried you to the bath. His mouth was on yours again melting into you while you sank into the water. “What does my sweet dove want? Do you want my cock?”

“Yes” you breathed. He held your hips and situated you above his swollen appendage. You lowered yourself painfully slow not allowing him to take control. He growled deep in his throat urging you down but refrained from thrusting into you. When you finally bottomed out he let out his breath and held you while you moved. “Fuck I feel you everywhere.” He offers nothing but a grunt too wrapped in pleasure to speak. “Oh Geralt Geralt Geralt you feel so good. Cum for me. Fill me please.” His hands clamped down on your hips for three bone shaking thrusts leading him to empty inside you. You rested your head on his chest smiling against his skin. “I might not make it several days.” 

“We’ll take breaks.” Both of you burst into laughter. He softened inside of you ultimately slipping free but didn’t move you from his lap even when the water grew cold. 

Sleep took both of you easily once you crawled into your clean crisp sheets. At some point dinner was served in your sitting room. The aroma twisted your empty stomach urging you to wake. You were famished. You didn’t grab a robe to sit at the table as requested. When Geralt woke, he found you with a chicken leg in one hand and a large goblet of wine in the other. “I love a woman with a voracious appetite” he laughed. 

“My apologies . I was starving.” You wiped your mouth and rose from your seat to greet him. 

“No. Don’t stop on my account. You’re home now, Dove. This is our private place. Be yourself.” He plopped in the chair opposite yours and dug in. Through mouthfuls of food the two of you had an easy conversation. As it turns out, you both had a lot in common being raised in strong military families. Geralt even promised to teach you how to wield a sword. You knew you could be happy here. Happy with this man who can’t get enough of you. Through all your heartache, it felt nice to feel wanted and, dare you think it too soon, loved. 

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For the next few days you stayed in your sex cocoon until Queen Malin sent word that your presence was demanded in her garden. “Looks like I’ll have to get dressed.” 

Geralt wrapped his arm around your waist pulling you back into bed, “Not if I have a say in this.” The Queen’s guard was stationed at the foot of the bed attempting to avert his eyes. 

“I’m afraid it was not a request, my lord.”

“Tell my mother the princess is busy.” You tried to break free from his grasp but that proved to be a fool’s error. “Where do you think you’re going, Dove?” He took your breast in his mouth making you gasp. 

“Your Grace, the Queen will have my head if I fail to deliver the princess.” The man sounded genuinely afraid. 

“Ok, Geralt. We’ve had our fun. Duty calls. Please send word to the Queen that I will join her in her garden shortly.” The guard scurried from the room muttering under his breath. “You are incorrigible, my liege.” 

“You’ll hurry back?” He fastened the back of your dress making certain to kiss your neck and shoulders. 

“I will return as soon as possible.” He sent you off with one more heart stopping kiss. You were completely flustered and in no shape to meet your mother in law but you had no choice. 

The Queen’s garden was stunning. In the center of all the lush vegetation was a plot filled with purple hyacinth. The flower was a symbol of sorrow generally planted near the graves by those who bury their dead. In magic, however, hyacinth is used to protect against nightmares and to alleviate grief.  The way they were precisely arranged indicated that someone was buried here. 

“Do you know the significance of the hyacinth?” The Queen asked rather than offering a greeting. You nodded urging her to continue. “I’ve buried four sons in this garden. None of them lived past their first birthdays. Do you know why?”

“No, I’m sorry, ma’am.” She did not look at you once. Her voice was grave devoid of all warmth. 

“Our bloodline was cursed while I was pregnant with our third child. My husband the king had an affair with our mage Sarai. It is not uncommon for a king to have such known arrangements with their wives. Our marriage was purely for political gain as many marriages are. Sarai became pregnant at the same time and gave birth to a son three months after our child was born. Because he would have been a direct heir to the throne, Ivar ordered his assasination. He was poisoned. Sarai, overcome with grief, used her son’s blood to curse his entire bloodline that no sons shall live, ending our family’s reign. That was until Geralt was born. I told Ivar I would not give him a son. Could not bury another child. He begged me for one more chance. To show his word was true, he hunted Sarai and begged her to lift the curse. She refused saying blood curses could not be undone. So he executed her. Her death weakened the spell enough for mages from all the realms came to our aid. They bound his life force, cleansed his blood and made him strong. We thought it was over. Geralt lives.” She wiped away a few stray tears pulling herself together to finish her story. “We were wrong. Three of my daughters have planted the purple hyacinth. Now you know.” 

You were in shock. There were so many thoughts racing through your head you did not know where to begin. “Your Grace, may I start off by offering my sincerest condolences to you and your family. I cannot imagine overcoming such grief. Secondly, while a blood curse is devastatingly difficult to remove, it can be done. I am surprised none of the other healers said as much. The problem is, ending a blood curse requires human sacrifice. Namely, the king. I would need to drain him.” She did not look away from her flowers. She already knew. “Thirdly, because Geralt lives, his heirs might be protected. I would need to consult my mother but I believe his sons would be safe.” 

She dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief and let out a deep sigh, “Let us hope, for your sake, you are right. Come. My daughters have been anxious to meet you.” 

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Still reeling from the conversation you had with Queen Malin you were slightly dazed when you entered the large drawing room. It was packed to the gills with Geralt’s sisters and nieces ranging in ages from early twenties to infants. You attempted to slip in quietly but a page announced you. The room fell silent save for a few of the younger girls who continued with their games. The oldest woman in the room stood up and wrapped you in a hug, “It is thrilling to finally meet you. I am Hilda, the oldest daughter. Next is Runa, then Willa, Agnes, and Bestla.” You smiled at each of them, noting that both Willa and Bestla were expecting. She named all of the nieces but it would be impossible to remember them all. 

“It is wonderful to meet you all.” You said timidly. They continued to stare as if they were expecting a speech of some sort. “I haven’t the faintest idea how I will remember all of your names.” The girls giggled. 

“Oh please, dear. I forget them sometimes.” Runa offered. They guided you to a chair to speak with them while the children carried on with their playing. 

Hilda held your hand as you looked around the room at all of their lovely faces. “This must be overwhelming coming from such a small family. We are a lot to handle. Sit, dear. Tell us more about you.” You told them about your life on Asgard and how the two princes treated you like their little sister. They listened with rapt attention when you spoke of your magical prowess. None of the sisters had ever traveled to another realm in their lives. You were somewhat of a novelty to them. 

You asked many questions about the realm, the history of their family, what Geralt was like as a baby. All the while completely skirting the crux of their narrative. The curse. Finally, Agnes brought it up. “Has anyone explained the tragic history of our family? Since you were with mother in the garden we all assumed…” 

“She has and I am so very sorry for your losses. I imagine it is difficult to find joy during your pregnancies when you have no control of the outcome.” The five women looked away wistfully, some with tears in their eyes. Their father was to blame but to suggest causing him any harm would be treason. Though, if it meant the line to the throne could carry on, a noble king would sacrifice himself rather than standing by while his sons and grandsons perished. King Ivar did not appear to be the noble sort. You wondered if the matchmaker was aware of the curse before the arrangements were made. And, was that the reason the family agreed to a swift ceremony? Tonight you would write to your mother to express your concerns. Surely your parents were just as ignorant to the truth as you were. It was not possible that your own flesh and blood would allow you to enter a union under false pretenses knowing your children could meet their demise. 

Hilda touched your harm to grab your attention. “I know how you are feeling right now. We were sworn to secrecy. Our parents forbid us from telling each other. They did not divulge the truth to me until my first son passed.” Now tears were flooding her cheeks while the other sisters looked on in a similar state. 

“Does Geralt know?” None of them answered. “Does my husband know of our fate?” You asked through gritted teeth. Hilda slowly shook her head “no”’. As the only male he was under enormous pressure to continue their line. It was not unheard of that men knew nothing of pregnancies and births. They had limited involvement beyond conception. But did he never question. “I will not begin my marriage with lies and deceit.” 

“No!” Bestla shouted, “He and father already have a tumultuous relationship. This will send Geralt over the edge. He’ll renounce the throne.” You felt like your breath left your body. You refused to let this cloud hang over your union. Why should you keep your father in law’s secrets? Why should any of you have to suffer for his deeds? More importantly, why should you have to endure this on your own. The first day you met Geralt said he took his vows to you seriously and you feel the same. Even if your confession dissolves your marriage, he deserves to know. 

“I will not keep this from my husband.” 

“It will destroy our family!” Wila cried. You had to steel yourself against the fiery rage that bubbled up in your gut. You could not fight them. You could not convince them until you had a plan. You would write to the three most powerful sorcerers you knew. There had to be a way. 

“I will keep my knowledge of the curse hidden until I have exhausted all possibilities of lifting it. Your brother deserves to know the truth. I urge you to summon all the courage you can muster to tell him.” With that you excused yourself to retire back to your chambers. 

Mercifully Geralt was not waiting for you. Quickly you wrote two letters, one to your mother and one to Loki. You had no doubt your mother would involve Frigga. Loki might know a far darker way to free your husband from this fate. For now you concocted a tonic that would act as a prophylactic against pregnancy until you were sure of the outcome. 

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Within hours a letter appeared on your desk from your mother. In it she expressed her and your father’s outrage at the secret the king and queen kept. Of course, had they known, they would not have agreed to your union. She and Frigga would begin their research and have answers for you come coronation day. 

Loki hadn’t written back. You didn’t really expect him to. Even though you left on relatively good terms, you were both still hurting. It’s still too raw. Though, you knew he wouldn’t leave you hanging out to dry. Even if he did not respond, he would seek out his mother and work tirelessly to find the answers you seek. 

You spent the next few weeks finalizing plans, working in your garden and fucking your husband like a feral animal. Many times in the throes of passion he’s mentioned filling your womb with his sons. Each time you looked away not wanting to give anything away. That gesture did not go unnoticed. 

“Dove, is everything alright?” He asked as he peppered kisses up your thigh.  

“Of course. Why do you ask?” His tongue was fierce tonight. Unrelenting. 

“Each time I mention children you avoid my eyes. Tell me why.” He nudged your clit with his nose as he speared you with his tongue. 

“I…fuck that feels good…I don’t know what you mean.” When he felt you start to clench around his fingers he backed away entirely. “Geralt? Why did you stop?”

“Has there ever been a moment when you felt I was being dishonest to you?” His voice was a low growl. 

“No but…” He began kneading your thighs working his hands up higher and higher until his fingers whispered over your cunt. 

“Am I not open and transparent with you at all times?” 

“Yes. Always.” you breathed as he slowly rolled your clit between his fingers. 

“Then I expect you to treat me with the same respect. Now talk to me, Dove. What troubles you?” He gave your pussy a long slow lick taking you right back to the edge of your orgasm. He maintained eye contact with you spurring you on. When you didn’t answer he froze in place. You were desperate to cum. “My darling, I have all night. I am not sure my sweet girl will last much longer. Speak.” 

You thought of a lie that seemed plausible enough. “I was worried that news of a baby would change our developing relationship. I would like to at least like you before we have children.” 

He let out a hearty laugh. “Is that so? And here I was this whole time thinking that you did, in fact, like me. Dare I say it? Perhaps you could even love me?” You sat up and pulled him in for a kiss. You could smell yourself all over him. The thought of him going through his day smelling like you flooded you with even more arousal. 

“Do you love me?” You asked with a timid quietness to your voice. 

“With all of my very heart and soul. I will die if you do not feel the same.” 

“I do. I love you. And it’s so new I do not wish for a drooling tyrant to ruin it so soon.” 

His voice grew quiet and tender when he took your chin in his hand. “I have waited a lifetime for you. I can wait a little longer for our children. I love you, Y/N. Tell me again.” 

“I love you, Geralt. And I will love you until the last beat of my heart and my last breath leaves my body.” 

Your words turned Geralt into a beast. He pulled your body to his and entered you with a force that left you breathless. You shook violently when you finally met your release. Geralt held you tight helping you through it and then pounded into you harder. It was as though he was trying to find a way to meld his body with yours, to fuse you into one being. You would gladly let him. You were entirely his which made your secret even more painful to keep. 

Your husband slept in a sweaty heap next to you but your eyes would not close. Your family would be arriving in the morning. You knew what the answers would be. You had been working with Njord and the other mages for weeks trying to find a solution. Njord was just as powerful as Frigga and much older. The man practically invented blood curses. If he saw no other way, there wasn’t likely one. 

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The day was finally here. You would be crowned as princesse of Vanaheim in mere hours and it was the furthest thing from your mind. You waited with bated breath for your parents to arrive. Your guards waited behind you with nervous anticipation to see the Bifrost in action. A wave of light struck down on the ground a few hundred feet ahead of you. Out walked your parents, Frigga and, to your utter surprise, Loki. Your mother and father enveloped you in an embrace. Your father kept you wrapped tight while your mother inspected you. “Are you eating? You look thin. Kasper, does she not look thin?” 

“Astrid, darling, she is radiant. Please do not dampen the mood with your worry. So happy to see you, Elskan.” 

“Happy to see you too, Pappa. I can’t breathe.” He chuckled and let you go. You quickly hugged Frigga, thanking her for coming. You and Loki stared at each other for a long moment before you launched yourself at him. You missed him so much and hadn’t really even realized you did. “I’ve missed you, my Prince. Have you been well?”

He inhaled your scent, committing it to memory. “Oh, kjære you have no idea. I’ve been a mess without you. We have much to discuss. I apologize for my unanswered letter. I have explored every possibility. We have a plan.” He gestured to your respective mothers. You burst into tears. You know they would come through for you. “Please do not get excited yet. It will be ugly and painful but you will not be hanged for murdering the king so that side is a plus.” 

“I do not care what has to happen. I need to do this for Geralt. Who, by the way, is awaiting our return to the palace.” You boarded a carriage and traveled back to your home. It had been a long while since Frigga had been back to her homelands.  She had hoped for a nicer diplomatic venture into Vanaheim”s capital city but this visit was not that. After the coronation festivities they would have to sequester you in a quiet part of the palace and put your body through a truly horrific trial. As soon as you arrived she sought out Njord to fill him in on the ritual they would perform. There were a lot of materials to be gathered and they would need to find a space to work. 

Your ladies and your mother helped you dress while Loki paced back and forth in your sitting room. Geralt did come to greet your family but excused himself to assist his mother and sisters. He wanted to be surprised when he saw you in your gown for the first time. He also did not wish to know what this tension was between you and Loki. Geralt took your father with him with the intention of also grabbing a drink. 

“Kjære, may I have a moment to discuss this evening with you?” Loki asked signaling your mother and ladies to leave. As soon as they were gone he wrapped you in a hug careful not to wrinkle your dress. “This is truly awful, pet. I am so sorry that you are going through this.”

“Loki, you are scaring me. Please, just be honest with me.”

:”Let’s leave. I do not say this in jest. Your marriage can be dissolved. You are under no obligation to do this. Please.” he pleaded. You shook your head furiously, “Y/n please! We are going to have to cut you, to bleed you, to essentially poison your own blood to accept his cursed children. You will be near the brink of death. And there is not even a guarantee it will work. You could put yourself through all of this and still have to go through the agony of losing a child. Do not do this. I’ll….I’ll give you all the children you want. I’ll marry you if that’s what you need. It is not as though you love Geralt. You’ve only just met.” You placed your hands on the side of his face to calm him. He was terrified of what he was about to do to you.

“But, Loki, I do love him. Desperately. And he loves me. I have to do this for him.” 

“How can he love you and allow you to suffer so?”

“He has no knowledge of the curse. If he did, he would never allow me to feel an ounce of pain. He would sacrifice his family’s royal line before he allowed me to do anything that could harm me.” 

When choosing a suitable husband for his daughter, Kasper’s list of requirements were short yet non-negotiable. He must come from a family steeped in military tradition. He must be educated, not brutish. And, above all else, he must be respectful to women. After all, you were his only daughter. If your husband was a scoundrel, he most certainly would continue his lewd behavior even after you spoke your vows. He would not see his little girl embarrassed by some bumbling idiot who didn’t know his cock from his sword. Your only requirement was that your marriage would take you far away from Asgard. Given your magical background, Vanaheim and Alfheim were the two most likely realms to find you a husband. 

Your parents alerted the matchmaker who went straight to work. The only daughter of a decorated general would be quite a prize. The matchmaker had no problem finding suitors. The problem came when she added that the couple would not be living in Asgard nor would he serve in Odin’s forces. That was until Prince Geralt Rivia Ivarson of Vanaheim entered the race. He was the youngest child of King Ivar and Queen Malin and their only son. His five older sisters had all but married off. He was the only one to carry the line of succession. He was well known to your father as he fought by his side many times. Because he was Ivar’s only son, his place was in Vanaheim. For that reason alone, he was perfect in your eyes. Truly, though, the decision to marry would be up to your parents. 

You had been preparing for your betrothed all week. Vanaheim was a little bit rougher than Asgard but not without its traditions so you had to mind your manners especially with his mother. You heard from several other potential brides that Queen Malin was exceedingly protective of her son so you had to be prepared to be charming yet demure. Your corset was laced tight yet modest up top. You wore subdued earthy tones and had your hair done in traditional Vanaheim style with ornate braiding. Prince Geralt  was your one shot at getting out of Asgard. You would not blow it. 

Since you were entertaining the royal family of Vanaheim, the royal family of Asgard was required to be present. All of them, unfortunately. When you entered the Grande Hall they all gasped at your appearance. “Do I look hideous?” You were already feeling self conscious. The looks on their faces made you feel worse. 

“No, elskan. You look stunning.” Your father had tears in his eyes. 

Loki stared at you silently begging you to look at him. In the past, you would have wanted him at your side offering his support. You could not rely on him anymore. That hurt him to his core. 

You took your place by your parent’s side to greet your new potential family. When they entered, you were taken aback at the sight of your future husband. He was tall and handsome with silver hair and eyes so pale amber that they nearly glowed . He was striking and overtly masculine. You bowed to his mother and father and then, when you turned to him, he bowed to you. Unheard of for someone of no royal birth. 

“My lady, it is my pleasure to make your acquaintance.” His deep voice sent shivers up your spine. Yes, he would do nicely. 

“I am pleased to meet you, your highness. How was your journey?“ 

“Mercifully short thanks in part to the Bifrost. Absolutely marvelous way to travel.” He held your hand throughout the entire exchange and didn’t even let go when he greeted Thor and Loki. His thumb slowly circled your palm as he spoke with the princes paying no attention to Loki’s clipped tone. You, on the other hand, smiled sweetly at Geralt when he spoke stealing glances at Loki. He held his head high though you felt the profound sadness emanating from him. 

During lunch you were charming as ever. Queen Malin smiled several times and even genuinely laughed at a story you told about your childhood. She even suggested that the two of you tour Frigga’s gardens to have a chance to speak privately. Thor went along as a chaperone at your father’s request. 

“Right. You two have fun. I over indulged last night so I’m going to fuck off this way. Wake me in an hour would you, sis?” 

“Thor? Wait.” You muddled some herbs with a mortar and pestle, poured them into a tea strainer over a large glass and filled it with water. “Drink this. When you wake up, you will feel good as new.” He winced at the first sip of liquid but gulped it down feeling slightly better already. 

“I hear you are a very accomplished healer.” Geralt marveled at how quickly your hands worked and your fast knowledge of medicinal herbs.

“It is a tradition passed down through all the women of my family.” 

He closed the space between the two of you, “Then I shall plant you the most beautiful garden in all the realm. Would you like that?” His knuckles grazed your cheek which suddenly felt too hot. 

“I should like that very much. You act as though we are already engaged, your highness.” You kept your eyes down out of respect. With a large finger hooked under your chin he lifted your face to look at his. 

“It is already arranged, my dear. We are to be wed in a small ceremony on Asgard before we make our journey back to Vanaheim. Once the preparations are finished for your coronation, you will be crowned princess.” Your brows furrowed. You had not been informed of this plan. When he saw the look on your face he had a small panic, “By the looks of you, you were unaware. I offer my sincerest apologies. If you require more time….” 

You snapped yourself out of your mood and smiled at him once more, “Nonsense. It is how things are done is it not? We should make our way back. There is much to do.” 

He stepped back giving you a respectable amount of space. “You must think me so arrogant. I came here to meet you and I am treating you as if you were already mine. Our vows to each other are sacred to me. I do not take them lightly. And, while we have not yet fallen in love, I trust that we will given some time.” 

Though the Prince was a stranger to you, your heart warmed at his earnestness. Perhaps he was looking for love just as much as a partnership between realms. You would give your heart to him today and hope against hope he does not take it for granted. You fear it cannot take much more.  

With your hand in his you followed your well rested chaperone back to the hall to oversee preparations. Your parents looked thrilled when they saw their children smiling. They swept you away speaking of grand plans and perfect partnerships while Loki looked on regretting everything. “So it’s today then?” He asked Thor quietly. 

Normally this would be the perfect time for Thor to lecture him but he looked so heartbroken that he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Instead he wrapped him in a bear hug and held him against his will. “I don’t want your pity.” Loki said as he struggled. 

“I don’t pity you, little brother. I am truly sorry you couldn’t mend things.” In the morning you would leave Asgard likely never to return. He would not let you go still hating him. He could not. He had to find you. He loved you too much to leave things this way. 

He stood in front of your door wringing his hands. No doubt your chambers were bustling with dress makers and handmaidens arranging your trousseau. He paced back and forth talking to himself piecing together what he should say. “Oh fucks sake, man, just go in.” He said to himself. His body wouldn’t move. He had broken your heart so thoroughly he didn’t think it possible to snake his way back into your good graces. 

It was just you. His kjære. The love of his life. How could he possibly be….afraid? Well that was the first time he admitted it to himself. You are the only person (besides his mother) who has put up with his nonsense and loved him in spite of his dastardly ways. You were in love with him and he was in love with you too. He would tell you. He had to tell you right now before you went to Vanaheim and he never saw you again. He plucked up the courage to open that door and was greeted with your warm sunshine smile that melted his heart. You had never looked more beautiful than you had in your bridal gown preparing to marry a complete stranger. 

“Ladies, may I have a moment?” 

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Everyone, including the mothers, scattered from the room. Frigga patted his shoulder on the way out. “My Prince! How do I look? Please do not laugh. I trust your opinion.” He was shocked at your warmth. It was like his misdeeds were all but forgotten. He took a timid step towards you too afraid to trust his own ears. 

“Devastatingly beautiful, kjære. Or should I say prinsesse? I can’t believe you’re leaving us.” 

You took note of the look on his face and made very sure not to sound so excited. The fact was you were floating on cloud nine at the moment. Not even Loki could ruin this for you. 

“I cannot stay locked in the library forever.” You took his hands, “I thought you would marry first. Thought I would be following behind you for eternity.” 

“I should like you better at my side than on my heel. I have to say something, Y/N. This is not easy for me so, if you’ll indulge me, I would like to say it.” His heart was beating so fast he thought he might expire right there. 

His feelings were overwhelming you. This had to be something huge or else he wouldn’t have such a hard time spitting out the words. “Norns, Loki. Out with it. You’re acting as though you’re in love with me.” His eyes widened and he jerked his gaze up from the floor. “No. That’s exactly what you want to say isn’t it? Why do you always seek to ruin my happiness? I have loved exactly two men in my whole life, Loki and because of you, I have shattered . And now, on my wedding day, you come to tell me you’ve loved me this whole time? When you have rejected me so thoroughly? How can you?” 

You paced around the room ranting at him. He tried to speak but you would not allow it. Finally, he was so fed up with your rambling that he grabbed you and kissed you. You pushed him away pounding on his chest to release you but he held you too tightly. When he let you go your head was swimming and your dress suddenly felt like it was strangling you. “If you would just let me…..” he tried to say but your open hand meeting his cheek derailed him. And when you smashed your lips into him you completely disarmed him. 

You kissed him like you had been wanting to do your whole life. His hands slipped down to your hips squeezing before resting them there. He thought you would push him away but, alas, you hadn’t. Testing the waters he allowed one hand to cup one round cheek of your behind causing you to moan softly in his mouth. The sound you made shot straight to his cock which was now uncomfortably hard. He pressed it against your hip to relieve some mounting pressure. When he felt your hand graze the front of his pants he knew he had to stop you. This was years of repressed feelings coming to the surface and he did not want his first time with you to be so rushed. 

“Wait wait. Are you certain?” You continued undoing his buckle. 

“Yes.” You were panting with need. “Yes, please, Loki. I want to.” You didn’t need to say another word. He lifted the many layers of your dress, pressed you against the wall and speared you. Something dark crossed his eyes that were now all pupil. He fucked into you like both your lives depended on him. 

The coil in your belly tightened ready to snap at any moment. “Oh, pet. I’ve wanted this for so long. Look at you taking me so well. Like you were truly made for me. Such a good girl.” That was all you needed to push you over the edge. Your cunt fluttered around him bringing you closer. Your eyes met his and you fell apart in his arms. He was not far behind filling you with every last drop of himself. 

“My godsI needed that!” you shouted as you smoothed your dress. “I feel far less nervous now. Thank you.” You walked back into your bathroom to make yourself look presentable. When you came back out Loki was standing in the same place looking quite confused. “When you go out can you send Hanna back in? She is going to braid my hair.” You were so casual after he poured his heart out to you. 

“Wait. You’re still going through with this?” 

“Of course.” You must have cast a spell on yourself. That had to be it. You used your seiðr to make you forget your feelings. 

“Kjære, forgive my confusion but I just confessed my feelings for you. Perhaps you would like to mull this over for a moment.” The way your back stiffened he thought you were angry with him. But you laughed. Laughed hard enough to bring tears to your eyes. 

“Oh spare me!” you screamed. “You are simply upset that you no longer have power over me. Our whole lives you’ve treated me less like your friend and more like your property. And now you think it wise to confess your true feelings as if I will run to your waiting arms? I don’t deserve this!” 

His heart turned to ash in his chest. “I have never said those words to anyone. They were always reserved for you.” 

“Then you should have said them to me long ago. Now if you’ll excuse me.” 

You dismissed him without a care. He stood mouth agape in the center of the room while everyone filtered back in. In all the excitement no one noticed. He looked at you longingly hoping for you to come to your senses but you were lost to him. 

Loki attended the ceremony begrudgingly to keep up appearances. A crowned prince missing the wedding ceremony of another realm’s heir to the throne would look like a slight. That was not drama that Loki could afford at the moment. He slipped out after your first dance. Tomorrow you will be gone. Though the pain was gut wrenching, he had no choice but to let you go. 

He watched from a darkened corridor when you and your new husband slipped into your chambers. With his seiðr he cloaked himself so that he may get closer to your door. His jealousy raged within him when he heard you giggling. Geralt’s deep voice coaxing you into your bed where he will undoubtedly fuck you without a care for your pleasure. He could not bear to hear any more. Like a beaten puppy he tucked his tail between his legs and skulked away. A cask of strong liquor and a few chamber maids should dull his pain. 

Contrary to Loki’s beliefs, Geralt was a perfect gentleman. He danced you around the floor of your bedroom humming a tune while you smiled up at him adoringly. “You are a beautiful dancer, my dear” he said with a sweet smile on his lips. 

“Why thank you, kind sir. You are very graceful yourself.” 

“I endeavor to please, my lady. Which brings me to our next activity.” 

Your laugh sounded like a bell. “And what, pray tell, is that, dear husband?” He pulled you closer to him and stilled your bodies. 

His breath smelled sweet with cake and liquor warm against your skin. “Where I show you just how devoted a husband I am, prinsesse.” Without warning he scooped you up and carried you to bed. You moved to unfasten his pants when he gently removed your hands. “Slow down, my sweet dove. I intend to have you good and ready before you take me.” You wanted to say something ill-mannered but choked on your own tongue when you saw the impressive bulge in his pants. Upon further inspection, he was only half hard. You let out a tiny yelp which made him laugh deep in his chest. “I promise to be gentle, prinsesse. 

“Dear husband, I say this will all due respect, I do not require gentleness.” With that he was feral. Your wedding dress was ripped from you and thrown on the floor a shredded mess. His large hands slid up the length of your legs as he knelt in front of you. Your cunt was dripping which made his breath hitch in his chest. Two fingers spread your slick around your lips barely skating over your clit. You moaned and arched your back trying to get more pressure. He continued his torturous ministrations until you were begging him, “Please, Geralt. Please touch me.” 

“I am touching you, dove. Shall I do it harder?”

“Oh…yes, please.” He obliged, slipping in two fingers while his thumb pressed down on your clit. You could barely contain yourself. The coil in your belly was going to snap at any moment. When you thought you might burst, he bent down and kissed you so deeply that it pushed you over the edge. He swallowed your moans savoring each whimper and cry. “Please, fuck me. I need you.” 

“My my, prinsesse. Such a filthy mouth. I don’t think you’re ready yet. Besides, I have not yet been properly acquainted with my sweet girl.” He gave you a quick peck and then settled himself between your legs. He opened you as much as he could and gave your pussy the same deep kiss that he did your mouth. One arm draped over your stomach holding you in place while the other hand massaged your thigh. His shoulders prevented your legs from snapping shut as you came over and over again. “Mine” he growled as you soaked his face. 

“Yours. All yours” you moaned. 

Pride swelled in his chest watching you fall apart for him. “I think you are ready for me.” You barely responded. “Don’t fall asleep on me now. We’ve only just begun.” He eased in letting you stretch around his girth. “So tight. Norns you feel amazing.” He moved slowly at first but you pressed your heels into his ass cheeks urging him to go harder. Deeper. He was too much and not enough all at once. You could feel him everywhere. You moaned nonsensically, your eyes screwed shut with pleasure. “Look at me, wife. I need to see you.” Your eyes locked on his and, with one final snap of his hips the two of you let go. There was no bed, no more room. Just the two of you intrinsically linked together until death parts you. 

He would not allow you to move once you finally caught your breath. He ran a very hot bath and settled the two of you into the water. “I think you were right today, Geralt. I think we will fall in love.” 

He kissed your temple and continued soaping your breasts and stomach. His smile was warm and you could have sworn he had tears in his eyes. “My dear, Y/N, I look forward to hearing you say those words to me and I to you.” 

The next morning you woke in your husband’s arms listening to the soft crescendo of his breathing. Your joy could not usurp the grief you felt as you prepared for your departure. Geralt stirred gently caressing your arm. “Good morning, Dove. Did you sleep well?” 

“I did. And you?“ 

“Exceptionally well. We will depart soon. Shall I leave you to have privacy with your parents?” Your parents weren’t the ones who needed a private farewell. You needed to see Loki. You needed to apologize for how you left things. 

“Yes. Thank you.” Just then Hanna knocked on your door to help you dress. Sometime during the wedding your ladies packed away your life in preparation for your journey. She chose a simple gown for you in lush greens to honor the fertile lands of Vanaheim. Both of you sniffled a heartfelt goodbye before she left you for the last time. Both your parents joined you for breakfast. The conversation was light but there was tension in the air. After you ate, Geralt and the king and queen left you for a private moment. 

It was your father who broke first. “I know you will be well but I cannot help but to grieve. Say you will visit.” 

“Pappa, I will see you at my coronation in a few months. Please do not cry.” He embraced you and led you to your mother’s arms. You didn’t speak, only sobbed. A gentle knock on the door pulled you out of your state. It was Frigga and Thor coming to bid you farewell. 

“Little sister, I will see you soon. Be well.” 

“Same to you, you big oaf.” 

Frigga ached for your mother. She gave you a quick hug and then drew her dear friend in for comfort. “He’s waiting in the library.” She whispered. So to the library you went. 

Loki sat in your preferred chair staring into space. As you did on many prior occasions, you sat in front of his splayed legs. The weight of his grief was suffocating. “I am sorry for my behavior, my Prince. It was cruel of me to treat you the way I did. I do not wish to leave without that being said.” He did not speak for a long while. 

“I am only sorry that I did not see you sooner. I am an idiot.” 

“Of the highest order.” You both laughed, wiping away tears. 

“What shall I do without my twin? My life…my heart…my soul. How will I go on without you?” Words evaded you at that moment. All you could do was curl up in his lap and hold him as he cried. He turned his tear streaked face to you and kissed you as hard as he could. 

“For what it is worth, I love you too.” Those words were worth their weight in gold. He would hold them for the rest of his days. If no one else said them for the rest of time, he would still be loved. 

When you left Loki in the library you left behind no part of yourself. You couldn’t. There was no longer room for him or Asgard in your new life. Geralt and Vanaheim deserved every bit of you. Without thought you would give yourself to your husband and the realm that you would one day rule at his side. 

At the Bifrost bridge you took his hand, gave a final wave and entered Vanaheim never looking back at Asgard’s glittering spires. 

All night Loki laid awake mulling  over your brief but painful conversation. He couldn’t think of you as a sexual being. That’s the only way he could stop himself from doing something that would ruin your relationship. That’s not to say he didn’t notice when you started taking on a more feminine shape. He definitely let his gaze linger over the swell of your breasts on more than one occasion. But his jealousy began to gnaw at him. 

He let his mind wander thinking about what you might be doing. Was he gentle with you? Would he take his time? Would you melt in his arms like you did on the dance floor? He tried to force himself to sleep. To push the thoughts out of his head. He would drive himself mad if he didn’t stop thinking of you. Finally his body was too exhausted to stay awake. He dreamt of you in the throes of passion but it was he who made you cry out. It was as if his brain was issuing a challenge. Now you were the only person who would occupy his thoughts. He had to have you to satisfy his curiosity. 

The next morning Loki set out to find you but not before seeking out Elanora first. She was enjoying breakfast with her friends when he tracked her down. “Girls! You all look ravishing this morning.  Had a good time last night?” He could sense Eleanora's ire as soon as he mentioned the feast.

“Not as much fun as Lady Y/N and Fandral had. He was seen sneaking out of her room this morning.” She huffed when Loki laughed. 

“Oh my. Wasn’t he your intended?” Loki knew exactly what he was doing. 

“Was and is, your Highness. We have been betrothed since birth.” 

“Then what, pray tell, was he doing in her chambers I wonder? It would be a shame if Fandral was to be reminded of his obligations.” With that he was up from the table to let the seeds he planted blossom into a full blown scandal. He could not have been more pleased with himself. 

You were in with your mother and Frigga working on a spell. “Good morning, ladies.” He beamed until he saw your face. You were positively glowing. The nerve of you. 

“Good morning, dear. Come see what y/n has concocted. She’s perfected Astrid’s healing elixir. It will treat your wounds twice as fast.” Frigga flashed a knowing smile at you and Astrid. “I suspect this has something to do with her new dance partner. This will ensure he always comes back safely” Your face snapped into abject terror when she mentioned Fandral. Your eyes were fixed on Loki who was smiling which could never be a good omen.

“Allmother, my apologies but Fandral and I are only friends.” 

“No need to be coy, girl. Tell us. How was it?” 

You dared not look up from your workspace. You could feel Loki’s eyes on you. “How was what?” 

“I’ve heard that Fandral is an excellent dancer.” Your mother chimed in. She and Frigga giggled like school girls. You were mortified. 

“He is quite graceful with his sword.” They laughed harder and you just couldn’t take it anymore. You closed your eyes trying to drown them out. The sound of glass breaking broke you out of your trance. When you turned around Loki was staring at his hand that was dripping with fresh blood. 

“How ever did that happen?“ Frigga grabbed a cloth to put pressure on his wound. In the commotion you slipped out and vanished yourself so you could make it to the library without notice. You hid deep in the stacks praying Loki would not follow but, alas, your prayers fell on deaf ears. 

“Your elixir worked.” He held up his hand showing only a trace of a pink scar on his palm. 

“So it did. But then I never doubted myself.” 

He sat behind you in the large tufted chair as he had done so many times. This time felt different. His movements were predatory. You tried to scoot away but he snaked an arm around your waist and drew you closer. He pressed his nose in your hair and inhaled. “You smell different.” 

“How do I smell?” You tried to sound more confident than you felt. 

“You smell like sex. Like your body and his body. Like sweat and sæd.” He ran his nose down the length of your neck, “I can smell him everywhere.” It was odd that any traces were left as you scrubbed yourself clean only this morning. 

“Why do you care?” He went completely still but didn’t move away from you, allowing his lips to brush against your skin. He stayed quiet for far too long. “Honestly, Loki. Why do you care? Shouldn’t you be happy that I’ve found someone? That I’ll no longer be pining after you?” 

“I rather enjoy your pining.” His truthfulness was welcomed but made you no less angry. “I am jealous that another man is the cause of your happiness.” He planted soft kisses on the junction between your neck and shoulder. One hand splayed over your tummy while the other hiked up your dress. Was this happening? You’ve wanted this for so long but now it seems wrong. 

“What are you doing?” you breathed. The air chilled your exposed cunt. He kneaded your thighs still kissing his way down to your collarbone. 

“I’m making you happy.” One finger grazed your swollen lips. “This is what you want isn’t it? What you’ve dreamed of leaving you needy and aching wishing I would take you. I’m claiming what’s mine now, pet.”

Your chest heaved, “Loki, stop. Fandral and I…” he slapped your cunt hard making you yelp. 

“Do not mention him again. You belong to me.” You were now beyond angry. You conjured as much seiðr as possible, pushing his hands away and pinning them at his sides. In one fluid motion you flung yourself from the chair. Your magic crept up his body and tightened like a noose around his neck. 

“How dare you lay some ridiculous claim on me? Despite what his highness believes, I was not placed in this realm solely for your amusement.” 

You loosened your grip, fixed your dress and started to leave, “Where are you going? Wait! I’m so sorry, kjære. Please.” You froze.  His voice was desperate. He could have apologized. He could have thrown himself at your feet begging for mercy. But that wouldn’t be Loki at all. “This is your fault, you know. If you had done as you were told in the first place you would have never seen me thus never ending up with Fandral in your bed.” 

Your eyes glowed a deep amber as if flames licked your pupils. With all your seiðr you toppled a huge shelf just behind him. “Next time I won’t miss.” 

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Loki was shaken. This is precisely why he avoided anything further with you. He’s mucked everything up royally. For days he tried to apologize. He sent you gifts which you sent back. He tried sitting with you in the library but, as soon as he would sit down, you would leave. He resorted to the last thing he could think of. When you were barely teenagers, any time the two of you were in trouble (which was often) you would magically send each other letters. If he played it right, this may work. He poured his heart onto the paper. He begged you to forgive him. Promised he would never stand in the way of your happiness again. He spritzed the paper with spices and sent the letter whooshing away to your room. Later when he retired for the evening, he was pleased to see an envelope on his doorstep. He rushed inside to read it only to see his own handwriting staring back at him. Before he could fully open it, the whole thing went up in flames. 

The worst part about this whole debacle was that you and Fandral no longer hid your relationship. You were the picture perfect couple in court. Fandral was often seen schmoozing with your father. And, according to all of Loki’s spies, the two of you made love on anything that was standing still. It was frankly obscene. It seemed you were not far off from receiving a marriage proposal.The thought of you belonging to someone else was maddening though he supposed he could live with it so long as your relationship went back to normal. He was determined to smooth this whole thing over if you would only speak to him.

 Perhaps a little distance would be good for clearing your head. In the morning he and his brethren would leave for battle. Usually you would be latched on to him begging for his safe return. Tonight he supposed you were with Fandral. If he could get through the next several days without disemboweling the man, he could survive the rest of eternity watching you love someone else. 

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The feast tonight was expected to be especially raucous. Thor, The Warriors Three, Lady Sif and Loki were returning from another realm. They were sent by Odin himself. It was a harrowing battle but all involved parties returned virtually unharmed. You were on edge for days waiting for your love to fall into your arms. Some of the ladies of the court met them at the end of the Bifrost bridge to present them with flowers and to usher them into their awaiting banquet. You waited on the edge of the crowd in your prettiest gown adorned with teardrop shaped jewels. Everyone just knew this was the night Fandral would ask for your hand. 

When they approached the crowd, Fandral was the only one not smiling. You tried to meet his eyes but he only looked away. After the Allfather’s speech the group dispersed seeking out their families. You waited for him to come to you but he stopped just short walking right into the waiting arms of Eleanora. Your heart shattered. Your mother and Frigga saw the exchange and ushered you into Frigga’s gardens away from the crowd. As soon as you were out of sight you collapsed into your mother’s lap. They tried to comfort you to no avail. Your mother walked you back to your room where Fandral was waiting. 

“Should I stay?” your mother whispered. 

“I’ll be fine, mother. “ she kissed your cheek and left the two of you alone. 

“I owe you an explanation.” His eyes were rimmed red as if he had either been crying or drinking. Maybe both by the looks of him. “While we were away, a deal was made. Nora’s father and my father are old friends. Served in the same battalion. I received word a day or so after we left. I did not have the heart to tell you in a letter.” Without warning you slapped him. He held his cheek dampened by fresh tears. 

“Please leave.” You turned away from him staring into the fireplace. He didn’t budge. 

“I know you’ll never forgive me. Please know this was not my doing. I want you and only you for the rest of my life. I love you, Y/n. Look at me.” He dropped to his knees and pressed his face into your belly. “Please don’t hate me.” You carded your hands through his hair, shushing him quietly. 

You had no tears left only blind rage. You knew Loki was behind this. Once Fandral left you cleaned yourself up and intended to walk into the great hall with dignity and grace. However when you saw Lok smirking at you, all of that went out the window. You lunged at him wielding a small blade aimed for his throat. “I know it was you! I know you did this!” Thor was on his feet to wrestle you away from Loki. You were much stronger than you looked. 

“Have you gone mad?!” Loki shouted. 

“Calm down, little sister.” Thor held you tight to his chest while Loki rid you of your knife. Rivulets of crimson ran down Loki’s cheek where the tip of your blade caught him. They dragged you outside despite your thrashing. You placed your hand on Thor’s arm, heating it with your seiðr to force him to let you go. “Y/n, stop!” he shouted. 

“I’m stopping.” he grabbed for you again, “I’m stopping!“ The adrenaline left your body making your knees weak. Loki caught you and brought you down gently rocking you in his lap. Thor went back into the hall to fetch you some water.  The whole crowd turned their heads to see if more drama would unfold. Fandral was on his feet ready to go after you but Elanora stopped him. The poor fellow looked like he had seen a ghost. His bride, looking quite satisfied with herself, whispered to Thor, “Tell Loki I am forever in his debt.” He had to hold it together. In your state you may actually kill his brother if you were certain of the truth.  

The brothers helped you to your room staying behind until you fell asleep. Loki quietly closed your door and retired in the drawing room with Thor. 

“Some night.” Loki chuckled as he poured himself a drink. 

“Why is Elanora forever in your debt?” The fire kept his face aglow allowing Loki to see how furious Thor was. “Tell me she was just trying to get under my skin, brother. Tell me you didn’t gut the one person in this realm you can still call a friend.” 

“It was for her own good.” Thor was out of the chair pinning Loki to a wall. 

“How can breaking her heart possibly be for her own good, you selfish little prick? You don’t even want her, Loki. You just can’t stand your prize in the arms of another. Well congratulations, brother. I hope you are satisfied.” In the tussle they didn’t hear you creep out of your bedroom. 

“Well, are you? Are you satisfied?“ Thor took one look at the embers glowing in your eyes and thought it best to get out of your way. “Good night, Thor.” 

“You deserve everything you get, brother.” He patted you on the back and left. 

“Answer me, Loki. Are you satisfied with yourself?” You retain your nerve as he backs slowly away from you. You are beyond apologies and forgiveness. You want pain. All of the pain that you feel right now doesn’t belong to you. It belongs to the hurt little boy who is standing in front of you. You did nothing to deserve his wrath other than love him, follow him around like a puppy and, when he told you he didn’t want you, you moved on. His selfishness knows no bounds. 

“I had no idea, when I put things in motion, that you and Fandral would fall in love. When you went back to your room the night of your first feast I was hurt. I...I….I was angry. You rejected me. The next morning before I went to the garden, I saw Eleanora. I only planted the seed. She ran with the idea. But I didn’t know she had spoken to her father before we left. I thought she would just go to Fandral herself.” He walked towards you trying to make some kind of contact. Something to know that you were still with him. You would not allow him to touch you. 

“But we did fall in love. We were happy. How could you?” The tears came again but this time for you and Loki. The two of you were inseparable and now you were unsure if you could ever forgive him. 

“Please, Kjære. I’ll make this right. I’ll fix it. I have no purpose without you. You are my other half. My twin. Please.” He held you and you had no more fight inside of your body to stop him. The two of you sobbed clutching each other for several moments until your resolve grew and you were able to speak again. 

“You have to leave, Loki.” 

“No. Not until you forgive me.” The air was still. Silent save for a few sniffles. 

You remove yourself from his grasp and walk back towards your bedroom. “I’ll never forgive you.” 

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Over the next several months you were a ghost to most of the palace. Your work was the only thing you cared about besides growing your seiðr. You intended to be the most powerful witch in this realm next to Frigga. 

Eleanora and Fandral’s wedding was happening soon. There were many parties and festivities surrounding the day. Of course, because of your parents, your family was invited to every event. Odin pardoned your father from attending for your honor. To avoid scandal, they went anyway. Any time they were announced, Fandral would perk up hoping to hear your name with theirs. You would never show your face. 

He dreamed of running away with you. To travel to a far off realm where you wouldn’t be found and live a simple happy life surrounded by children. They were only dreams. The only certainty he had was that one day he would be sent to battle and may not return. The sweet release of death sounded much better than having to see your face. No matter how much you tried to hide from him, your paths seemed to cross. It was torturous. Out of sheer desperation he went to Loki to ask for his help. 

“Use your magic. Please. Make me forget that I’m in love with her. You owe me this. You are the cause of our agony.” His grief was overwhelming. 

“I cannot make it go away but I can dull the ache. It will help you to move on.” Loki placed his hands on either side of Fandral’s face and whispered an incantation. He felt lighter and, for the first time, free. You were still in his thoughts but they hurt far less.