Well, Lord, let me update you on where I am at in my life right now. I don’t think I’ve been this mentally tired in a really, really long time. And I have no idea why. I mean, it’s been a year. It would make sense if this is a seasonal thing, where the light affects my mood, etc. however, I don’t know. I’m trying to trust in you, it’s difficult right now. I’m not mentally okay, I’m trying so hard to keep myself together and yet I can’t seem to find the answer. I can’t seem the find you. I can’t seem to find the answer as you, no matter how hard I try. No matter how hard I persist, I can’t hold on to the truth. It’s so hard. I am so weak, I am so fraile. I just want to collapse into your arms. I just want this feeling to be over. This sucks. I don’t know why one day, yesterday, I felt so on top of this world. I felt so at peace. and today... what happened? I was stressed? Nothing happened. Nothing.. large. Yet, I was exhausted. Yet, I am confused on why I am feeling so depressed. Is it because I interact with too many people? is it because I need more sleep, Lord? I’m not entirely sure. I don’t want my friends to fix my problems, neither do I think they truly understand what is going on in my heart. Same thing with Jack- I’m not 100% sure he knows the pain that goes on in my heart. And that is okay, I don’t expect him to know. It’s just... it is so much deeper than my sadness. All I want to do is run to you, and I can’t. I love where I am now, I love what you have for me is this life. I am just sad. I am sad, and this is hard. It has been two weeks since I have been sad. I was sad last week, too, for some reason. But this reason was just plain hard, and now I don’t really have anything to cry about other than this sucks, this feeling sucks. Being in college kind of sucks, but not really. I’m thankful that I am here, I love being here. But just being... so. dang. busy. This world is not like it was before and I feel like I am being sucked into what I didn’t want to be sucked in Lord. But here I am. I am holding myself up. And funny thing is, I don’t know if I’m truely allowing you to help me hold myself up. I don’t know why. I don’t know why it is that I am not letting you do this, although I am letting you walk with me. It’s not the same. It’s like saying that you can’t protect me. siiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. sigh sigh. siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. lol. jahldksjfhsjkfhakdfnajsbsdkjfb. here I go again. yes... I mean, a good thing today- I had dinner with my flock. it was so good to just be around girls and hang out with them. i was going to go crazy. And the station- man. people are so funny. It’s just really interesting to see the medical field, and how it works out for the different people. amazing how you work, Lord.
Amen
11/6/2020 at 11:44pm


















