we might as well just fuck

me on my way to the kitchen to eat shredded cheese out of the bag at 3 am

If you get married in Japan then fly to Hawaii and immediately die after you land, your marriage certificate will be dated after your death certificate

weekend plans!

being a macroorganism is so stressful. i want to know what my cells are doing. I don’t like how unsupervised they are

Baby size 0-3 months tends to fit cats. Go forth and clothe

Toddlers are so pure. She doesn’t understand that we help her with certain things because she’s little. She thinks that everyone just helps each other like that. So she tries to blow on my food and cut it up for me and tries to help me put on my shoes.

i was giving little wagon rides to a baby around the backyard one day and all of a sudden she hops off and slaps the seat of the wagon telling me to get on because it was my turn and i was like no it’s ok im too heavy and she was like NO ITS UR TURN and kept tugging on my hand so i would sit down. eventually i got on and it was just a little 2 year old trying so hard to push me around on a wagon not understanding why it wouldn’t budge but still so determined to let me have my turn lol

BIIIIIIITCH

Some nurses be on tumblr like *smug story about medical malpractice* 

*commits HIPAA violation in order to make fun of the patient*

fun fact: research on people with violent tendencies show that aggressive and abusive young men very often grow up to become cops, while female bullies tend to choose a more innocent looking career path while still getting a position of power over weak and helpless people - yep, they become nurses.