প্রীতা

Amar bangla bala nai. Loosely translated, that means, I do not speak my mother tongue well. But my dear Bangla, if I knew you better, I can only imagine the stories we could tell. You see, My mother tongue does not come easily to me, and in a world where west is best, I am scared that I am losing my identity. My mother says speak, and I say how? when the only time I speak it is when my grandma is around. When I can’t have conversations with her because I run out of words, when Bengali is a noose, and English is a curse. I do not speak my mother tongue well, so I am always tongue tied, bilingual, no I’m a bystander, and it’s not as though I don’t try. You see the problem is bigger than me, it’s how my parents were told to talk English, Whenever they tried to speak, because this is the west, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. It’s how they taught me English first, out of fear of alienation, How they covered our red and green flag, with the flag of a fish and chip nation. And don’t get me wrong, I love English as much as you, but my mother tongue is calling me, and I don’t know what to do. I’m slowly learning, like a child exploring her vocal cords, coaxing out the sounds, that will soon form coherent words. Amar bangla bala nai. I do not speak my mother tongue well, but I am learning, and when I do, Imagine the stories we could tell.